Holly Willoughby says, 'yes the lights are on and there IS someone home'

Written by Steddyeddy

Friday, 28 June 2013


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Holly Willoughby's controversial chest

Beautiful, desirable and extremely lovely British TV presenter, Holly Willoughby, today proved to the media that she is indeed more than just a pretty face.

Speaking at a conference where she had the full attention of those present on two counts, one, the fact she speaks correctly unlike most TV presenters who nowadays must have some form of impediment, be it a thick regional accent or the total inability to pronounce the letter "t" and two, the fact that as far as males in the audience were concerned, the lady is sex on legs.

She firstly refuted the statement that "the lights were on but nobody was home". She said that as an environmentally-conscious person, she never left the lights on at home when she was out.

Secondly, she went on to talk about being "two sandwiches short of a picnic". She solidly denied ever taking sandwiches on a picnic, as she tended to steer her family away from bread as much as she could.

As for being "as much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle", she solidly refuted that she had either ever smoked or even had the desire to smoke. So much so, she recounted the time a journalist from one of Richard Desmond's magazines asked her if she had ever smoked after sex, she replied that she had in fact never looked. And anyway, she didn't like motorcycles, preferring to be ridden in other ways by her husband.

To which the audience laughed.

As for "a million pound body and a five quid engine" she said she had consulted at length with motoring journalist Jeremy Clarkson who confirmed that any vehicles he had ever tested and not crashed in that price bracket most definitely came with a far more expensive engine included in the price.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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