Hollyweird's Hottest: Marti Noxon

Written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 25 June 2013


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Marti Noxon grew up in a haunted house, believing that her brain was ectoplasmic and could, of itself, produce thoughts that were both rational and meaningful without being maudlin. She attended Pesky College, University of California, Ain't Hanna Barbera, majoring in Melodrama, because she couldn't get into UCLA and because she wanted, even in her twenties, to be a Valley Girl.

Just a Little Oral Sex

She later became Executive Cheerleader on The Buff Vamp, a made-to-save-the-TV-network series on fledgling FOX, WB, and UPN. Between takes, she wrote the movie It's Just Oral Sex. When her boss, "Big Bad" Just Wheedling, tricked execs into airing Fallen Angel, the story of a vampire with and without a soul, he promoted Nix Nox to exec prod of The Buff Vamp.

The Write Stuff

At first, Nix Nox was not good enough to prod the show, so she was a writer or, sometimes, a co-writer, writing or co-writing such eps as "Witchcraft Is a Metaphor for Drug Addiction," "Buff is a Slut," and "Xander Gets Too Much Air Time (But Not On MY Watch)."

Jumping the Shark

In his famous cautionary tale, "Nix Not The Nox," Just Wheedling argues that it was he, not Nix Nox, who ruined the series, but the one or two fans who remained loyal to the show after it had jumped the shark (some would contend, multiple times) believe that "Noxious Noxon" put the stake through Buff's heart. She killed Tara Mustplay, the witchy lesbo partner of Dildo Rosebud, a murder that led the show's lesbo viewers to believe that Nix Nox (and possibly Just Wheedling) didn't really like lesbos, after all, and were only pretending to have had a yen for the ladies in order to pander to the gay community and to boost the popularity of the show among teenage male viewers and the fans of The Howard Stern Show.

Barely There Gellar, who played Buff, said she had problems with the episode in which "Buff had sex with Spike on the balcony while watching their friends," believing that her character would never have sex with Spike without inviting her friends, The Gooey Gang, to join them.

After Buff

After Buff the Vamp, Noxon struggled to succeed in Hollywood, or even Downtown Burbank, on her own, but lacked verisimilitude. She wrote a pilot, Stillborn, that didn't fly; co-created Pointedly Unpleasant, which was canceled in 2005; and served time as an exec consultant on Prison Break, escaping after only 10 episodes. Her latest creative flair has been to write Brothers Are Sisters, a series about an incestuous transvestite, starring Harrison Ford's wife, What's-Her-Name? However, Nix Nox quit the show in 2006, citing "creative difficulties."

Personal Life

Nix Nox is married to Jeffrey Bunion, with whom she had a dog named Finn. A website, The Grr in Gurrl, is dedicated to her memory.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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