NORTH ATTLEBORO, Massachusetts - The North Attleboro Police Department has informed the news media that they are tired of New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez playing games with them.
The Pats receiver has been told to turn himself in to local authorities as soon as possible.
NAPD spokesperson Sophia Gooberweather, 27, stated that Mr. Hernandez may be able to run but he won't be able to hide and he will be caught pretty soon.
The stunningly attractive Miss Gooberweather, who recently broke off a three month wedding engagement, said that the fugitive has until Wednesday at noon to turn himself in or else his house will be auctioned off.
She pointed out that along with his house, all of his furniture, furnishings, appliances, paintings, and food in the pantry will also be sold.
Miss Gooberweather disclosed that included in the auction will be Mr. Hernandez' prized football collection which includes 29 footballs.
SIDENOTE: When New England football coach Bill Belichick was asked to make a comment, he shook his head and replied, "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!"
