NY State Unemployment Benefits Collected by Dead People
It's the gift that keeps on giving. Even after death. Word is that officials will be trying to get the money back. Huh? Retrieval from The Great Beyond? Lotsa luck with that one! This situation intrigued reporter Gail Farrelly, so she went to a NYS unemployment benefits office and interviewed applicants waiting in line to see what they thought of this news. Here's what some of them s...
Read full storyAdele thrilled at MBE gong
Los Angeles - Seen house hunting in Beverly Hills this weekend with her charity entrepreneur partner Simon Konecki Oscar winning songbird Adele Adkins was said to be over the moon at her Royal Birthday Honors gong, the MBE. So buoyant was her mood...
Read full storyMichael Jackson appears before Jury
Michael Jackson appeared in court yesterday along with his many friends and supporters. The pop hero stood in the dock answering questions about his demise, at one point Judge Yvette Palazuelos had to warn soul legend, James Brown about his condu...
Read full storyScientists discover new species of fish
PAPUA, NEW GUINEA - Scientists know it as "pacu," but the natives of New Guinea refer to the same marine species as the "fellatio fish." "It's a real ball-sucker," Jimmy Wade told this reporter. "Sometimes, the fish goes even further, becoming a real...
Read full storyCelebrities sell themselves
HURRAH for HOLLYWOOD - Celebrities have begun to sell themselves! "My body is my instrument," Katy Perry says. Like other big-name stars, Snooki, Kate Walsh, Khloe and Lamar Kardashian, and Selena Gomez have bottled their essence-their pheromones and...
Read full storyRoseanne/The Flintstones actor John Goodman lookalike rejected as Obama pick for ambassador to London
Washington DC - A Brit media campaign ridiculing President Obama's choice for the prestigious London ambassador's post has effectively scotched Matthew Barzun's gargantuan political aspirations. Diplomatic sources on both sides of the Pond have ac...
Read full storyLong Island megabux residents defy Uncle Sam's snooping tentacles
Long Island, NY - A group of East Hampton billionaires resident in Long Island's most securely guarded enclave has launched its own PRISM-busting communications satellite in the wake of US government snooping on their shopping, and stuff. Blasted...
Read full storyBen Affleck on parenting
Ben Affleck made the following statement today. Clever how he can do that. Raising kids is the greatest thing I could do,…….. if I could find the little sods. You haven't seem them have you? They are quite small and speak a strange language that I find hard to understand. By the way, what is that stuff that leaks out of them? The smell! what the hell do they eat!? I think Jennifer saw one...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Gives Birth To A Baby Girl
BEVERLY HILLS - Kanye West wanted for his and Kim Kardashian's baby to be born in San Francisco but Mama Kardashian (Kris Jenner) had her way and the Kardashian-West baby girl child was born in Beverly Hills at The Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The...
Read full storyNorth Korean Leader Kim Jong Un Reveals He Loves Watching Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un, self-proclaimed North Korean Missile Launcher, recently stated to The Rice Paddy Whack National News Agency that he loves watching American-made motion pictures. The North Korean leader revealed that he has wa...
Read full storyIsraeli soldiers moon Facebook
JERUSALEM, Israel - In a recruitment drive gone awry, female Israeli soldiers dropped the trousers of their camouflage battle dress uniforms to moon photographers. The soldiers were wearing thong panties, rather than military-issued skivvies, how...
Read full storyCook County crack addict resigns from bench
ST. ECLAIR, ILL - Michael Cook, who was caught, white-handed, cooking up smack (or maybe it was coke; details are confused in what remains of his mind), has resigned in disgrace from his position as a Cook County judge. A colleague died of a heroi...
Read full storyJodi Arias defies death
PHOENIX RISES AGAIN, AZ - Convicted killer Jodi Arias has escaped the death penalty-for now. The men on the jury, all of whom are "well hung," according to observers of the death-penalty phase of the trial, have been unable to sentence the st...
Read full storyPresident and First Lady reportedly separating
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barak Obama and his wife, First lady Michelle, are reportedly separating. According to unnameable sources, Mrs. Obama is taking the couple's daughters, Malia, 16, and Natasha (alias Sasha), 11, with her to Martha's Vine...
Read full storyIRS continues to target conservative political groups (and everyone else)
WASHINGTON, DC - After weeks of denying that he had ever even heard of the Infernal Revenue Service, President Barack Obama admitted, today, that White House Counsel Kathyrn Ruemmler knew of the agency's unconstitutional targeting of conservative pol...
Read full storyFire marshal's ban creates bra brouhaha
MILWUAKEE, WI - Marcy Skowronski, 87, the owner of Holler House, Milwaukee's finest bar-cum-bowling alley, didn't count just on tenpins and pitchers of beer to fill out her bottom line. She also depends heavily-some say "top-heavily"-upon...
Read full storyBoston Celtic's Coach Doc Rivers and Kevin Garnett Want To Head West To The L.A. Clippers
BOSTON - The Boston Celtics have been burning up the phone lines trying to deal Kevin Garnett and Coach Doc Rivers to The Los Angeles Clippers. Both Rivers and Garnett would love to head out West and play in Tinsel Town where the possibility for d...
Read full storyElton John and Billy Joel Finally End Their Feud
NEW YORK CITY - Piano men Billy Joel and Elton John both performed at The 44th Annual Songwriters Hall of Fame in New York City. The two have been on the outs since Elton commented to iRumors that Billy really needed to start writing songs that ha...
Read full storyCalifornia Woman Gives Birth To Twins While On A Tanning Bed
BEVERLY HILLS - In a story that could only come out of The Left Coast state of California, Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that a Santa Monica woman identified as Madison V. Ricotta has just given birth to twins. The thing that makes this an unus...
Read full storyFarrah Abraham Has Breast Augmentation Surgery
OMAHA - The star of Teen Mom Farrah Abraham, 22, has given herself two nice birthday presents. Farrah appears in the latest issue of Glamboyant Magazine showing off her pair of brand new puppies. The mother of four-year-old Sophia, told GM's Vo...
Read full storyGiant Asteroid Headed Towards Arizona
PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer has gone on television and informed the citizens of Arizona that Washington, D.C. has just advised her that a giant asteroid is headed towards their state. The governor said she received the official word from Vice-Pr...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth Explodes When She Hears That Prince William Will Be Filming Kate Middleton Giving Birth
NEW YORK CITY - Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that Kate Middleton's idea to have the birth of her and husband William's baby filmed has greatly angered Will's grandmother, Queen Elizabeth. BPT reporter Carolina Chipotle said she spoke with Brit...
Read full storyAbsinthe: a drink with so much kick it'll drill holes in your brain
"For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol." -Proverbs 5:4 I'll start this in my usual stupid and inane way - If the Internet had an official bird it would most likely be a turkey vulture. If it had...
Read full storyBilderbergers on the farm 2013
A report on The Bilderberger meeting which concluded recently somewhere on a farm . The provisional offerings for accommodation on the farm were The Chicken Shack, or one of the many outlying buildings and stables, which were categorized under "Shack and Or". The Chicken Shack is by far the largest building, as the farm's main business is rearing fat chicken's for underweight Americans. Of t...
Read full storyClimbing the College Dating Ladder: Start at the Bottom, in the Pits of Hell!
Well, you're off to college. The hometown where you grew up is a long ways away; things feel strange, but you're getting by. Do you know why? You're a stud; you're a player. Sometimes at the campus parties you get so drunk that you forget the first name of your Dad and even your younger brother's nickname. I know how it is, I've been there, but you have to think through all this. Get hold of y...
Read full storyEarly Man's Version of Beer Pong was Different but the Results were the Same
Beer pong wasn't a big campus rage when I went to college. Back then, it was different. But the overall concept of getting smashed out of our skulls was the same "ends justify the means" of the contemporary college drinking game. Most of the differences between Beer Pong then and now are just minutia inside the trivia. The variations don't add up to anything. And by anything, I translate this i...
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