Gracie Fields - Her part in my war
This week we will be hearing from Gracies fans and how she changed their lives. "I remember being in a funk hole just outside Calais, we had been bombarded by the Germans for fifteen hours and most of us were near the point of giving in. Suddenly, a voice floated across the town toward us, it was Gracie Fields singing "Sally" I listened for two minutes and decided to surrender, pleading with th...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Craps Himself While On The Air
That terrific tearing noise many heard yesterday during the very first hour of the Rush Limbaugh show was apparently not his pants this time. Almost instantly, the webcam was shut off and people were left with a seated Rush Limbaugh with a surpris...
Read full storyLittle Divot To Host Cannes Film Festival
In a break with tradition, and common sense, organisers of the Cannes International Film Festival have decided to up sticks and move to the once sleepy village of Little Divot. Festival president, Gilles Jacob-Cremecraquer, made the decision after...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Republican Nominee For President
Since all Republicans appear to be beholden to radio talk show entertainer Rush Limbaugh, (particularly the four remaining candidates for the presidential nomination) Rush recognized a golden opportunity and decided to become the Republican President...
Read full storyKate Middleton's eggs frozen
London - The 'Sunni (sick) side up' logo has been stamped all over daft Queen Consort wannabe Kate Middleton's donated ova at a non-Shia egg bank in Upper Harley Street. William and his self-publicising missus were spotted last weekend outside t...
Read full storySlut Walkers Fight For Their Right To Be Dirty: "It's My Hot Body And I Do What I Want"
BILLINGSGATE POST - "It's my hot body and I do what I want." Is this true liberation or just a flight from using a Hoover? In cities all over America there are hordes of women sashaying down the streets provocatively dressed, making a defiant displ...
Read full storyAbramovich sacked more managers than Andre Villas-Boas had hot dinners!
Chelsea boss, Roman Abramovich, loves chopping heads off, in fact any manager who risks the wrath of the impatient Russian billionaire will be led to the chopping block and served up on his golden plate, cost what it will! His latest victim Andre...
Read full storyNew "No Fly" Airline
Ashhad Amal Samallan, entrepreneur from Steubenille, Ohio, and owner of a number of Indian Casinos across the United States, and a recent recipient of a government "Baleout" loan from an unknown Wall Street Bank, announced today the formation of an a...
Read full storyPutin for Chelsea
In a surprise choice Chelsea directors have decided to have the present manager of the Russian team KGB as their new Manager. In a statement the directors explained that the discipline at Chelsea needed swift action and with Putin's record of smas...
Read full storyLynton, Erskin and Inchcock. The Race. Part One
Clive Danton addressed the three men sitting on the bench in Hyde Park. "Are you sure, you want to take up Mr Skoobs wager? It is a long arduous journey, and you three are not exactly Olympic athletes are you? Why don't you give him the money and forget about it" "Give him his money!" shouted Inchcock. "I would rather lick your underpants" "No way pedro" said Lynton "I am going to do this,...
Read full storyPutin demands recount after only 67% of his fraudulently cast votes counted
Victorious Russian President Vladimir Putin has demanded a recount of all votes cast in the country's election after it emerged that only 67% of the fraudulent votes he cast were counted. The president, now into his third term, was alerted to the...
Read full storyThursday's Virgo Full Moon close to M64, the Evil Eye Galaxy
London - The notorious M64 (NGC 4826) asterism lies perilously close to Thursday's pivotal lunation in the reap-as-you-sow harvest goddess sign of Virgo. Astronomers have dubbed it the 'Evil Eye' - or 'Black Eye' - Galaxy following a cosmic punch-...
Read full storyMutiny on the Bounty-Ball in the NFL
How do you make a joke about NFL concussion policy? The NFL has now admitted there is a problem in the league called Bounty-gate. Humorists are now stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should we break out the pocketknife and cut off our arm to...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-One - A Night to Remember
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 94 - A Night to Remember The path from the guard base, to the undercover police car compound, and the awaiting swipe point, was no longer than perhaps 800 yards, there and back, at the most. It was dark as usual, 0215hrs, the broken up old fa...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Two - The Easter Parade
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 95 - The Nottingham 9th Company Boys Brigade Band's Easter Parade I had been invited to play the drums on the Nottingham 9th Company Boys Brigade Band's Easter Parade around the Meadows area of Nottingham, and really wanted to take part. Unf...
Read full storyVandals move the Easter Island Heads
Archaeologists are up in arms after it has been revealed that the famous Heads on Easter Island have been moved. "It's a travesty," said Jenny Spinner, the archaeologist in charge of the treasures of the South Pacific. "The Heads are a crucial par...
Read full storyCommon Queer Traits
Charles Darwin (1809 - 1882), an English naturalist, said all species originate from common ancestry. Well, if the idea is true, then the genes of our ancestors must be present in us. For instance, there is a trait in many people who have a tendency to worship masters. A second trait is a personality disorder found in a number of people, a disorder which is called grandiosity, an unrealistic...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Will End Up Losing All of His Advertisers Except For One Very Appropriate One
NEW YORK CITY - As everyone knows by now, the only reason why Rush Limbaugh apologized for calling Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a "prostitute" was because he was told to do so by the executives who sign his $50 million a year...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty - The Team Building Weekend!
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 93 - Off on the Company Team Building Weekend I was working at a factory in Kegworth, in the engineering stores at the time. We were getting ready to set off in the mini-buses for a relaxing ride out into the Derbyshire hills for a week-end o...
Read full storyBlue-Haired Katy Perry Is Dating Cher's Son Elijah Blue Allman
MARINA DEL REY - Music icon Cher who is 65, recently attended a benefit dinner in Marina Del Rey in honor of rock legend Bob Dylan who is 70. Cher spoke about the great times they had back in the 60s with the likes of The Byrds, Paul Revere &...
Read full storyKatie Price In The Running For Chelsea Job
Former tits out model Katie Price, AKA Jordan, has thrown her pink hat into the ring by declaring herself interested in succeeding Andre Villas-Boas as Chelsea manager. The west London club axed AVB after a dismal eight months in charge of the ail...
Read full storyPresident Obama, The "First Mama," and The "First Kiddoes" Malia and Sasha Have Picked American Idol's Deandre Brackensick As Their Favorite Contestant
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Season 11 of American Idol is down to The Top 13 performers and there is one singer who is sitting on cloud nine. San Jose, California resident Deandre Brackensick, 17, has just learned that the nation's First Family is pulling...
Read full storySaturday Night Live Cast Reports Missing Items After Lindsay Lohan Guest Host
New York - Saturday Night Live cast and crew members reported several missing items after allowing Lindsay Lohan to host the show, including the following items: 17 necklaces 1 box of condoms 9 neckties 5 shoes 1 audio control panel from the s...
Read full storyChris Hansen Becomes Possessed During Taping of Hansen Files: Exorcisms Real or Hoax?
It has just been reported that Chris Hansen, the man behind the news show Hansen Files seen Friday evenings on Dateline NBC is, most likely, possessed by the devil, who priests say entered his body during the taping of an upcoming expose on exorcisms...
Read full storyIdaho Cactus Enjoying Accidental Time In Spotlight
BOISE--With talk of the March 6th Idaho Caucus picking up, a surprising figure has inadvertently risen to the forefront of internet searches. Lookups for "idaho cactus" and "idaho cactus info" have risen over 600% in the past few days alone. The...
Read full storyAngry Mob Drives Out Proselyte from Inter-faith Subdivision
O-TOWN, CA (Civic Welfare Today) -- Chimburp Ronda, a proselyte from California Apocalyptics and Religion Mockers, was driven out of Conscientious Subdivision by an angry mob. Ronda arrived at Conscientious Subdivision for a program exclusive for...
Read full storyGMC Automobile Executives Meet to Discuss Falling Small Car Sales
Detroit MI: Government Motors Corporation (GMC) automobile executives met to review the lackluster sales of their new environmentally friendly Shoebox line of cars, prior to next week's annual stockholders meeting. Present at the closed door wor...
Read full storyLife Insurance Scam Uncovered
In a shock discovery made by an undercover reporter from the 'Daily Muckspreader', it has been revealed that one of the UK's leading life insurance providers have been fleecing their customers. The Athieva Life Insurance company stands accused of...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Admits She's Attracted To Heidi Montag
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan has vowed that her party girl days are over. The extremely freckled Tinsel Town starlet has stated that she has learned her lesson and she is thrilled beyond belief that she is not sitting in some cold, damp prison cell.
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Need Not Apologize For Calling Slut A Slut Says Noted Etymologist: Dr. Billingsgate
BILLINGSGATE POST - Forensic Etymologist, Dr. Billingsgate, in an interview seen on Face the Nation Sunday morning said that Rush Limbaugh should not apologize for calling Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke a "slut." Citing no less an expert tha...
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