Vandals move the Easter Island Heads

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 5 March 2012

image for Vandals move the Easter Island Heads
The heads have moved

Archaeologists are up in arms after it has been revealed that the famous Heads on Easter Island have been moved.

"It's a travesty," said Jenny Spinner, the archaeologist in charge of the treasures of the South Pacific. "The Heads are a crucial part of the island's history and heritage, and some cruel prankster has come along and moved them."

Up until last week, the Easter Island Heads were in various positions all over the island. Without any signs of the heavy lifting equipment that would have been required, the heads have been put in a line on the east side of the island, facing east.

"It looks like a conga," said Spinner. "It's sacrilegious. How can somebody do this."

This question of 'how somebody could do this' has perplexed the island's historians. With each head weighing upwards of fifteen tonnes to move one would require dedicated equipment. Nobody had heard a helicopter, and nobody saw the perpetrators wandering around the island with an oversized wheelbarrow.

"Some people are suggesting mystical origins," said Spinner, "and some are suggesting aliens. I cannot believe in either of these explanations. This only leaves vandalism, pure and simple."

The Polynesia Islanders have their own explanation.

"The locals claim that this is the first sign of the end of the world," said Spinner. "They say that an Easter Parade was foretold by the original makers of the heads. There is a prophesy that says 'When the heads parade, the world will end in a massive cataclysm'. If you ask me, that prophesy is open to interpretation. So don't go cancelling the milk just yet."

One positive has emerged from the vandalism.

"When we did a head count, excuse the pun," said Spinner, "we discovered that there were four heads we'd never seen before. They're covered in moss suggesting that they have been buried for centuries. Archaeologists are studying them now. Amazingly, they look like the four lads from that 1980s sitcom The Young Ones."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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