Barking woman 'finds Roman coin hoard behind bath'
Isle of Dogs, East London - Dame Fifi Rottweiler has spoken of her delight when 30,000 Roman coins unexpectedly spilled from behind the bath during an afternoon's ablutions listening to Radio Four. "It's the biggest hoard of turd," Dame Fifi expl...
Read full storyWill US/Britain Fake UFO Landing?
A new rumor out of Washington was immediately denied by the Pentagon today, a little too immediate some are saying. According to different versions of the story it seems like someone had a great idea on how to bring the world together and stop man...
Read full storyGeneration Geriatric
A new website www.grannies.web has been launched. And no; it's not a porn site featuring the old women from Derby. It's a website that is full of old timey things that will keep old people entertained for hours. Then again if they've got dementia it might keep them occupied for months. Back and to the Left news went on the site to find out what all the news was about. And just to be clear this...
Read full storyHague in the headlines again
It's official. Foreign Secretary William Hague has been reclassified as a giant dwarf by the British Medical Association. The chairman of the association Dr Hermann Clitterman made the announcement last night down at the pub. Hagues's head is quit...
Read full storyBeeb's Newsfright discovers grim A4e secret: ex CEO is Cherie Blair/Lord Lucan's daughter, yuck!
London - Presenter Jeremy Poxman, no relation, is said to be gobsmacked by the headlines tonight. A hush-hush probe into the training/recruitment company that harvested £200m a year from government con-tricks - er...contracts! - has finally found...
Read full storySpoof writer cracks his head on dish washer and turns "serious"!
One of The Spoof's most controversial writers, who shall remain anonymous, but his initials are J-O and lives in Holland, had a recent domestic accident. Whilst chatting to his missus he forgot that the dish washer door was open. Walking backwards he tumbled over the door (not the dryer) and cracked his thick-bonce against the side of the dish-washer door, a tough Miele and German perfection. H...
Read full storyBank of America Fails to Make Promised Settlement Payments to Defrauded Customers; Claims to Have Forgotten Its PIN
After thousands of plaintiffs in the class action lawsuit against Bank of America reported that they had not received any portion of the $410 million in settlement amounts owed them by BoA, BoA president and CEO Brian Moynihan abashedly explained tha...
Read full storyPresident Obama Admits He Wants Gas Prices To Hit $8.00 A Gallon!
President Obama finally came out and told the truth about ending oil lines from Canada, preventing drilling for more oil in the Gulf of Mexico and every other place that he can. "Above all, I'm an environmentalist", he told reporters today. "Look...
Read full storyPresident Gerald R. Ford Credited with Inspiring 80's Break Dancing Boom
Long thought to be an American President without any significant or positive societal impacts to his credit, Former President Gerald R. Ford has recently been identified as one of the primary influencers of the break dancing boom in the early 1980's. Known more for his reluctant acceptance of the Presidential office as a result of Richard Nixon's resignation, President Ford admitted then that h...
Read full storyStephen King's Top 15 Rejected Book Titles
After walking the streets of New York City before he finally managed to get "Carrie", his first book, published, Stephen King had 15 other books ready and waiting at home. However, the editors made him change the titles. It's a good thing. Stephen King's Top 15 Worst Book Titles: 15. Sodom's Lot 14. Wojo 13. Starfarter 12. The Dude Zone 11. Fag of Bones 10. Delores C...
Read full storyNewsCorpse behind 'royalty fees' to WMD dodgy dossier creative writing team
London - The thorny problem of discretely doshing up helpful sources inclined to parrot a Government war agenda was made a helluva lot clearer today. Apparently some slithery - er...dithery! - MoD top brass became convinced of the existence of Sad...
Read full storyDoctor A Sinnick - Health Consultant and Entrepreneur
It's not every day that we're treated to a positive news story about eating red meat. Last week we were told it led to heart attacks and 'premature' death. Now, it seems we can all tuck into a hunk of steak or a lamb chop and it'll actually do you good. We knew our female readers would be interested in this and, wondering if it was true or whether it was merely the meat industry fighting back, we...
Read full storyTebow Joins Sanchez as Prisoners of Second Avenue
Tebow Joins Sanchez as Prisoners of Second Avenue Tim Tebow will be heading for that Den of Iniquity that represents New York City, but plays in New Jersey. Yes, the Jets with loudmouth Tyrannosaurus Rex Ryan signed the Christian spokesman and QB...
Read full storyNew Budget a Winner
In an initiative that has been welcomed in the City the Government has brought in a scheme first proposed by City financier Ken Splurge. It rewards thieves who have successfully fooled the tax authorities about their winnings. As these thieves hav...
Read full storyIdaho Lawmakers Try Different Orifices in Abortion Fight
BOISE - Fresh from their recent victory in the state Senate vote on Monday for a measure requiring women to submit to a vaginal ultrasound before undergoing an abortion, Republican Idaho lawmakers vowed to tighten abortion restrictions even further.
Read full storyPigs on trial over major insurance fraud
The trial opened today of the three little pig brothers, who are accused of being involved in a major house insurance fraud. It has been stated that the pig brothers, First, Second and Third, were about to defraud a major insurer for thousands of pou...
Read full storyRondo and Dwight Howard Burn Up the Hardwood
For those keeping abreast of such activities, Rajon Rondo has rekindled his long-simmering friendship with Dwight Howard at the All-Star weekend in Orlando. If you missed it, during one ridiculous session, Rondo and Howard teamed up for a dunk.
Read full storyHow to Fly a Light Aircraft
You may think that flying a light aeroplane is something terribly complicated, and also quite difficult for the untrained novice to do. But in fact, it's actually much simpler than you may imagine. Use this 'cut out and keep' guide to enable you to pilot a light aircraft without the need for expensive flying lessons. You will need: 1) Someone else's aeroplane. Choose a small one with only on...
Read full storyKindles ruined at the London Book Fair
For the first time, Kindle, the electronic book reader from Amazon, had a stand at the London Book Fair this year. On the stand were a number of best selling authors who have come out to support electronic book readers. "Our mistake," said Kindle...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Tells Bristol Palin To Go Back To Alaska And Stalk Something Like A Moose, A Caribou, or Nanicka Zapalicka
HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers, the "Undisputed Queen of Mean" has some advice for Sarah Palin's oldest daughter Bristol, "Get your Alaskan bottom back on up to the Iceberg State now!" Rivers made her very strong comment on The Ellen DeGeneres Show after...
Read full storyTebow Turns Jewish and Joins Jets
In one of the most astonishing sports and religious developments in recent memory, Tim Tebow has jettisoned Christianity for Judaism and signed with the New York Jets so he can play before large numbers of his own new faith. Tebow disclosed he swi...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Says After She Has Her Baby Her Goal Is To Get Back In Shape And Become The Sex Symbol She Once Was
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - It appears that Jessica Simpson has now been pregnant for eleven months or so it seems. If she does not have her baby pretty soon, it is going to be born already talking and walking. Simpson's personal physician Dr. Charleston "W...
Read full storyObama is everything Hillary Clinton Wishes to Be
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) -President Barack Obama is everything Hillary Clinton wishes she was, and more according to her closest aides. They share a great deal of philosophical opinions; both are highly articulate, liberal attorneys. Both stu...
Read full storyDick Cheney invites Obama to visit his Wyoming ranch for some dove hunting
CASPER, WY (ANSNN) - Former Vice President Dick Cheney sent a written invitation to President Obama to come to his Wyoming ranch in April for some dove hunting. Dick Cheney loves to hunt doves; as his record in government affairs clearly shows. T...
Read full storyOlder Person Did Things Drastically Different When He Was The Age Of A Younger Person
CINCINATTI, OH-Local old man Carl Jacobson has reportedly done next to nothing in the same way as his grandson Peter did when he was his ripe young age of 14. Whether due to the limited technologies of the time, economic hardships, or simply a re...
Read full storyRomney: I'm No Obama, Shows Pictures!
Mitt Romney went out of his way to show his audience yesterday that he was no Obama. "I'm no Barack Obama!", yelled Romney above the crowd roar! "I promise: No more stinking beer conferences! We need sober leaders, not people sitting around the Ro...
Read full storySantorum losing support of virtually every American male since declaration of war on pornography
HARFOLD, Vt. - Rick Santorum has all but lost the always-important 18 to 105 year old bracket of male votes this week regardless of party ties. Both Republican and Democratic, as well as Independent, Green, Tea Party, Communist males reacted in horro...
Read full storyTen More Favourite Goat Facts From Prince Constantin Ferdinand Maria of Liechtenstein
with Prince Constantin Ferdinand Maria of Liechtenstein, Winner of the 'Landlocked Prince Who Most Resembles An Old Goat' Shield in 1998 First, a word from our patron: 'Salutations, sturdy goat-lovers. Here are some more facts about the goats. I trust that you will these goat facts enjoy without further ado: Why not come to Luxembourg this year and visit the Cheese Mountain at Brikkelbrack and...
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