Argentina Say They Would Invade Falklands If It Wasn't For Royal Navy's Nuclear Submarines
Argentine President (the hot looking one, give or take twenty years - actually not give, I mean take, don't add twenty years, that would be hideous, no take twenty years away from her then she would be not bad, anyway..), whats her name, anyway, has announced she would "bomb the shit out of the Falkland Islands" if it wasn't for the fact that the UK had a nuclear arsenal! "That Thatcher film h...
Read full storyKe$ha Gets 'Down & Dirty'
Ke$ha opens up wide in the March issue of Glitz magazine, ditching her garbage bin look for… something that resembles a person who regularly takes showers, uses soap and rinses. Inside she blabbers on about her obsession for peekaboo penis and pro...
Read full storyRiver cottage arson attack?
Foppish pig fiddler Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall was today at the centre of an arson inquiry, after the landmark river cottage was burnt down. Curly haired Hugh a celebrity chef known for his trademark lack of food hygiene and eating pigs testicles...
Read full storyAustralia Lays Claim to North Pole
Canberra, Australia - Add Australia to the growing list of countries that are claiming the Arctic sea bed as a part of their national territory. Most of the countries that previously claimed that the Arctic was theirs, however, are in proximity to...
Read full storyObama, in Effort to Cut Defense Costs While Appeasing Republicans, Ditches Missile Defense for NY Giants Defense
Washington, DC - President Obama, facing pressure from within his party to cut defense spending while feeling the heat from the GOP to keep America's armed forces strong, launched a major initiative today. The new strategy involves ditching the cost...
Read full storyGOP Candidates Adopt New Method to Attract Votes - Win Over Kids, Get Parents' Support
The race for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination continues to heat up. Putative front-runner Mitt Romney credits his recent success to his campaign's effort to appeal to the hearts and minds of American adults through their children. To do so,...
Read full storyFabio Capello steps down as England manager
Fabio Capello has resigned as England manager, the Football Association has confirmed. It is believed that Fabio wants to spend more time with his family. A source told BBC today "Fabio is a pensioner - working two weeks in the summer will be...
Read full storyLouisville - Mayor Fischer To Use Convicted Felons As Police Officers
Louisville KY. - Mayor Greg Fischer's recommended spending plan for the 2012-2013 fiscal year that will begin July 1, 2012 and ending June 31, 2013, has a total $712 million in spending. This spending included strategic investments in job creation, p...
Read full storyAirbus A380 has cracks in it's wings, but only small ones, so they're safe!
Passengers boarding the Airbus A380 can rest assured that although the wings of the planes have cracks in, they're so small it doesn't matter because the jumbo jet has huge wings and small cracks don't matter! The EASA (European aviation securtiy...
Read full storyQueen Cleared Harry Redknapp Says Portsmouth Superfan
Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp was cleared of tax evasion by a jury at Southwark Crown Court today. He spoke of his relief at the end of the five-year ordeal concerning an off-shore bank account and accusations of bungs over the sale of...
Read full storyDodgy crème brûlée suspected behind River Cottage blaze
Axminster, Devon - For once you can't blame his classic organic placenta pot au feu for catching fire and burning to the ground Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Riverside Cottage cookery school. Firemen who fought the former threshing barn blaze last...
Read full storyAuto-Tag system is Queen of Manchester claims "Nipple Slip" pop star Mark Lowton
A new automated submissions system is being trialled on The Spoof website to help writers add in all the required tagging information to their stories. Over the last few years, writers submitting a story on the site have had to complete a form, en...
Read full storyRock & Royal for Jubilee
For want of something constructive to do between tours, reject X-Factor 'judge' and would be singa' Gary 'shortarse' Barlow has been given the job of cobbling together yet another Royal Concert. In preparation for the upcoming 'Diamond Jubilee Ro...
Read full storyNHS Safe With Tories
The famous No Hosptitals Scheme (NHS) is now considered safe with the Tories. 'People should be looked after at home by private companies who can make a profit and boost the economy' declared David Cameron as Backbenchers cheered 'You always get a...
Read full storyHarry for West Ham Sensation
Harry Redknapp, now cleared of accusations against him of avoiding tax, has become front runner to take over as manager at West Ham. Ths will leave Sam Allardyce free to take the England Manager's job as Fabio Capello seeks to become Manager of Engla...
Read full storyPorsche Demands U.S. Emergency Call Number be Changed
Privately miffed for decades over the common misuse of their U.S. based corporate switchboard and dealer network phone lines, Porsche has asked the federal government to change the "911" emergency call number to "something else". Porsche automotiv...
Read full storyPrincess Kate Sends Wills's Wardrobe In Express Delivery To South Atlantic
The Duchess of Cambridge has emptied Prince William's wardrobe of his best suits and some casual wear and despatched them post haste to the South Atlantic. The move is in direct response to sabre rattling by Argentine President Cristina Kirchner w...
Read full storyMitt Romney to Simulate Homelessness for Two Hours!
Mitt Romney,on the heels of three shocking losses to Rick Santorum in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri (pronounced misery), has sworn to become more in touch with "the little people". "I know that it is difficult for all people to identify with m...
Read full storyBBC warns against 'fat extremist' slur
London - Journalists at the Corporation have been barred from calling the grossly obese - such as bankers - 'fat cats' after some City big wigs lost a bit of weight over January. The move follows a complaint from a once portly RBS director who poi...
Read full storyDonegal Drivers Most Helpful
Drivers In Donegal are Ireland's most chivalrous according to an experiment conducted last week. AA Rescue recently published results of a survey showing that Donegal drivers were most likely to come to the aid of a driver in distress at the roads...
Read full storyThe Lady Vanishes
French police today appealed to Scotland Yard for urgent assistance, following reports that a Calais woman has apparently vanished without trace. Mariette LaVache was last seen berating neighbours and howling at the moon in her native Calais, but...
Read full storyLocal Man Calls For Adele To Be Banned From Radio Station
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he is to lobby a local radio station, and even be a nuisance if necessary, if the station concerned don't stop playing Adele tracks every other song, all day every day. Shuttlecock explained that...
Read full storyEvery Retail Store In America Expects To Sell Out of The DVD and Blu-Ray of "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I" Within 15 Minutes
HOLLYWOOD - The much anticipated The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, starring Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will hit the retail stores on Saturday. Hollywood Innuendo is reporting that most of the nation's major retail store chains have h...
Read full storyRussell Brand Says He Doesn't Care How Much Weight Christina Aguilera Has Gained He'd Like To Engage Her In A Bit of Mattress Merriment
BEVERLY HILLS - Russell Brand was in town having his hair tended to by his favorite hair stylist FuFi Fondue, owner of the famed Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills. As he sat in his chair talking to FuFi he heard a song by Christina Aguilera pla...
Read full storyJohnny can't read: mistakes morning-after pill in college vending machine for Sweet Tarts
Shippensburg, Pa. - Little Johnny Waters, the 11-year-old brother of Suzanne Waters of Somerset, PA, got a little more bang for the buck than he'd anticipated. Sitting around bored while visiting his sister, a sophomore at Shippensburg University,...
Read full storyThe Dorking Sentinel: Letters To The Editor
Dear Sir, Here I am again (oh no I hear you cry!) with the latest from my researches into the history of the Dorking Sentinels. (For any readers who are not Dorking-bred, and are unaware of the tradition after which your newspaper is named, the Sentinels were originally guardians put in place to watch for the coming of the Danes. After Ethelfrith The Unsteady defeated the Norse King Wolfram...
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