For want of something constructive to do between tours, reject X-Factor 'judge' and would be singa' Gary 'shortarse' Barlow has been given the job of cobbling together yet another Royal Concert.
In preparation for the upcoming 'Diamond Jubilee Road Show' young Barlow has been sweet-talking numerous washed up stars of yesteryear to appear live-if possible-in front of Liz and the gang on the promise of getting a guest spot on the next Take That Tour.
The concert will be staged in front of Buckingham Palace in the road and hopefully, traffic will be diverted on the big night to accomodate an estimated 500,000 desperate punters.
Barlow told our reporter that he is hoping the concert will be better than the last Jubilee concert a decade ago, when Brian May got on the roof and had to be talked down by a Police negotiator before he fell off.
The Take That star (sic) revealed, although HRH herself has not been involved in choosing the acts-other members of the Royal Family have made their favourites known. Unfortunately, for Phil the Greek his personal preference was not considered suitable for what is essentially, a family show, therefore the Stringfellows lap dancers will not be appearing. When last sighted Phil was heard to mutter something about "rotten bastards!" before locking himself in the Royal bog with a copy of Playboy.
The Princes are indeed very involved and a Palace spokesman, Abu Qatada tells us that Wills fancies his chances with Kylie Minogue...again, while the 'Ginger Minger', Harry, is hell bent on having it orf with Jesse J or Adele. Meanwhile, Kate is hoping to get to grips with Michael Buble, Will.i.am, Tiny Tempah or all three, if the opportunity presents itself!
An over excited and obviously incontinent Mr Barlow was beside himself when announcing his personal big guns this afternoon which include: Stiff Richard, Elton 'joint' John, Crappa Macca, Shirley 'Wurley' Bassey and the legenday Tom Bones. And in a seperate statement, Mr Barlow was doubly delighted to announce that the entire concert will be proudly sponsored by "Philosan" before he beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Porta-loo.
Those with nothing else to do on the big night might want to consider trying their luck in the Jubilee ballot, open now until March 2nd hence. If one is lucky enough one will win a double ticket for the gig plus a chance to meet Liz at a picnic...venue yet to be announced.
Those enterprising enough might want to consider putting any winning ticket on Ebay and selling it at an inflated price...."know what I mean 'Arry, nudge, nudge?"