Obama is pronounced Ooh Be A Ma
After four years in the public eye, Barack Obama has come forward to tell people how to pronounce his name. "For the past few years," said Obama, "I have kept quiet whilst people mispronounciate my name. Barack they get right, generally, although...
Read full storyYoung Persons' Guide To The Slutty BBC Symphony Orchestra
London - Last Night of the Proms audiences were treated tonight to the sartorial shock horror of a band of scruffy, sluttish musicians conducted by Edward Gardner. Many of the female players looked as if the idea of getting their hair done for the...
Read full storyGrim Reaper Harvest Moon over Manhattan
New York - Manhattan astrologers reckon the weekend's waxing Pisces full moon opposing the Sun in Virgo, sign of the Harvest Goddess in reap-as-you-have-sown mode, could be apocalyptic. Reports that a NY 10028 message board has been jammed with lo...
Read full storyThe (Garry) Cooke, The Email, The Defender, His Mother
Gaffe Prone CEO Garry Cook finally ends his own torture as his resignation is accepted by a reluctant Manchester City Board. Although City have certainly upped their game on the field in recent years, much has been made of the problems off the fi...
Read full storyRobbie Savage paired with sheep on Strictly Come Dancing
Robbie Savage's tweets have led to much speculation about his mystery partner on Strictly Come Dancing. The ex-footballer has told followers on Twitter that he would like to 'go through the moves' with stunning pro dancers Natalie Low or Alioni V...
Read full storyCaribbean Pirate Captain Poised To Spread The Tentacles Of Evil - His Empire Strikes Back - From Chiswick
Concerned locals in the leafy London suburb of Chiswick have been forming vigilante groups following reports that the evil Pirate Captain, Freddy Howdy has been heard flooding the area with manic evil laughter, emanating from the open window of an up...
Read full storyThe Dorking Review - Book Burning Scheduled In Arkansas
HOG JAW, ARKANSAS - Outraged Mayor of Hog Jaw, Anthony Xavier Swingerton, has, according to reports, scheduled a public burning of the nearly best-selling book 'THE DORKING REVIEW' - calling the book "an abomination in the face of the eyes of the man...
Read full storyDefiant Gadaffi states: 'I'm not fleeing, I'm playing hide and seek'
Libyan ex-leader and tyranny enthusiast Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has announced his intention to attempt to break the world record for hide and seek. Despite their joy at the Colonel's recent fall from power, most Libyans I spoke to seem to be wishi...
Read full storyPropofol conspiracy theories debunked as 'harmless tranquiliser' found in Amy bloodstream
London - The 1980s pharma best seller was once prescribed to rehab patients who claimed their addictions sprang from congenital marijuana deficiency. This weekend a toxicology report has confirmed traces of the popular tranquilliser Librium were p...
Read full storyMarriage is classified as prostitution by the International Courts
The International Criminal Court in Hague, Netherlands has classified marriage as prostitution and they have put out an international arrest warrant for members of the Gothic Wedding Chapel in Phoenix, Arizona for being married. The church also c...
Read full storyAustralian PM Gillard Announces the 'Bonox' Housing Stimulus
In response to a worsening outlook for the Australian housing industry, the Australian PM Julia Gillard, has proposed the Bonox stimulus to give the industry a bit of a lift. The Hogs In Armchairs (HIA), the peak non-profit housing charity that bu...
Read full storyUS Homeland Security confuses NYC poets' "strike" with 9/11 anniversary threats from Al Qaeda operative Lindsay Lohan
Amid reports that American spy networks have intercepted communications from Al Qaeda operative Lindsay Lohan indicating plans for a terrorist strike in New York or maybe Hoboken, both cities have heightened their security and even pulled out the fam...
Read full storyMel "Mad" Gibson to produce Jewish warrior epic 'Jesus Strikes Back' with all-Aussie cast
Director and overactor Mel "Mad" Gibson is set to produce another blockbuster biblical drama about Jewish hero and famous witticist, Jesus. The 65-year-old is collaborating with screenwriter Joe Eszterhazy to tell the story of the famously buff Je...
Read full storyShakira Says She'd Like For Lys Agnes of America's Got Talent To Be Her Opening Act on Her Upcoming "Hips Across America Concert Tour"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Shakira, AKA "The Colombian Firecracker" is getting ready to go on her Hips Across America Concert Tour and she recently stated that her opening act Kings of Leon has cancelled due to the lead singer's ongoing wisdom tooth problem [W...
Read full story