Caribbean Pirate Captain Poised To Spread The Tentacles Of Evil - His Empire Strikes Back - From Chiswick

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 10 September 2011

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Captain Howdy Demonstrating His Evil Laugh Yesterday

Concerned locals in the leafy London suburb of Chiswick have been forming vigilante groups following reports that the evil Pirate Captain, Freddy Howdy has been heard flooding the area with manic evil laughter, emanating from the open window of an upper storey writer's garret.

Pessimists suspect that Captain Howdy - or Big Jim, The Gay Bowler - as they call him in the locale, is preparing to expand his media empire of evil, by single handedly staging literary coups over less well developed satirical websites than those he already controls.

"I say! This is just not cricket," local artiste de pisse, Y Y Y Delilah complained. "We didn't encourage this sort of attention. Most of us moved here for a quiet life - we never anticipated having the modern day equivalent of Ben Turpin (The famous cross eyed actor from the silent movie era, who was multiple times involved in a sniper incident, a Coke bottle incident with Marilyn Monroe, the Kennedy assassination, and the Black Dahlia mystery - Ed) to move in. We simply don't do global domination in Chiswick. We're far too busy selecting a nice Chablis from Waitrose to serve with our chicken chasseur of a Friday teatime. It's an outrage!"

Locals relate that Big Jim, The Gay Bowler, is currently assembling a Satirical Assault Squad (SAS) with the goal of swamping satirical websites with an unprecedented deluge of humour - which is actually funny and satirical - rather than based on the lowest common denominator, and that he has enlisted assistance from all over the world.

Notably the Americas, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australasia, the planet Zarg, Mars, and the middle east.

"This geezer makes the Murdochs look like Tom Thumb," one local commented as he drained a pint of industrial strength nail varnish remover. "Dangerous he is. He's got others wiv him. He's not alone. I 'eard he 'ad the Triads and the Camorra on board too. Fing is - wot's gonna 'appen if all these satirists 'ave to rite summink wot's ackshully funny? Most of 'em'll be fahked innit. Then they'll all come arfter 'im and he'll do a runner to a cave on the Isle of Wight, innit. Or Dorking. Or maybe even Worthing. And get fahkin' hoisted by his own leotard - or a mystery a barthtub...wiv an icepick..."

Captain Cody was unavailable for comment, but a man with a French poodle and a pooper scooper did smile at our reporter, in a meaningful way.

At Turnham Green.

Our reporter is not in any way homophobic. Not even in a gay way.

Confused? You will be.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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