More winter energy saving tips
1. If your wife keeps turning up the thermostat, start collecting guns, just to let her know you mean business. 2. You remember that guy that never wore a heavy coat and said he was always comfortable. He died of pneumonia. 3. In the depression people burned their homes' inside doors for warmth. Luckily that could never happen again. 4. You can turn off your refrigerator if...
Read full storyX Factor Winner To Receive Obscurity Counselling
ITV executives have confirmed that this year's X Factor winner will be given obscurity counselling to help them deal with the intense pressures of anonymity. Producers of the show have taken this unusual step after a survey revealed that 80% of th...
Read full storyLocal Man Denies Having Sexual Relations With Fruit Bat
Following a series of spurious internet allegations, local man, Martin Shuttlecock today categorically denied any and all allegations that he has been conducting an illicit and improper sexual relationship with a fruit bat. Up the loft. "I neve...
Read full storyCongress passes law requiring congress to do stuff
On capitol hill today, Congress passed a law called the "American Congressional Activity Recovery Act" also known as the 'piece of shit'. This new law would require congressmen and women to actually do stuff when at work on capitol hill rather th...
Read full storyDue to Twitter embarrassment, CBS to downsize to 'One and a Half Men'
HOLLYWOOD, Calif.--Just when you thought their troubles were over, the producers of Two and a Half Men are once again ripping the hair out of their skulls due to a Tweet Ashton Kutcher made in support of recently fired Penn State coach Joe Paterno.
Read full storyHerman Cain: Where's the beef?
Republican presidential hopeful and former CEO Herman Cain has been under fire for allegations of trying to slip the hot beef injection to a few of those annoying white women. In recent interviews he has been quoted denying the allegations saying,...
Read full storyNational Weather Service Bored, Takes Month Off from Weather
WASHINGTON, DC - Speaking candidly from his desk in the nation's capital, Rusty "Snowball" Harrington glances peacefully through the open window located behind him. Raising his nose, he sniffs at the breeze wafting through the screen, and he dramati...
Read full storyGary Neville 'Not Coping Well' With Revelation That He's Really A Scouser
Former Manchester United and England full back, Gary Neville, is apparently having a hard time dealing with the revelation by chubby TV presenter James Corden, that his great great great grandparents, or somebody, were actually born in Liverpool.
Read full storyMary Poppins attacks Spoof headquarters!
In an unprecedented attack on Spoof headquarters, Mary Poppins swooped across the chimney stacks and frosty roofs of a certain Lancaster town with her umbrella swinging, armed with a kalashnikov and peashooter. She then stormed the building. Mark,...
Read full storyPFA chief Gordon Taylor disappointed at being disappointed by prolific Man City disappointment
PFA Chief, Gordon Taylor, has admitted to his disappointment at being left disappointed by a player so synonymous with disappointing those who have taken him on his word, that the name on the back of his shirt is stuck on with Velcro. The player,...
Read full storyResidents caught out in Council Tax bank scam
Council tax payers have been conned out of many tens of millions of pounds a month in an elaborate scam which claims to maintain living standards by delivering services to boroughs across Britain, a survey suggests. The scam, which affects every s...
Read full storyPerry and Cain Check-In to the Ronald Reagan Memory Clinic
Simi Valley, California - Republican presidential contenders Rick Perry and Herman Cain have checked themselves into the Ronald Reagan Clinic for Memory Intervention. Publicly embarrassed by critical memory lapses last week, the two candidates are...
Read full storyUS troops to guard Chevron's Gorgon gas fields in Western Australia
Washington - International Space Station monitoring programs have detected pesky Iranian submarines attempting to nuke Chevron's Gorgon and Wheatstone gas fields off the Western Australian coast. Initial reports said the subs 'were camouflaged wit...
Read full storyObama appoints himself 'CEO of everything'
Since the economic collapse, many businesses were saved by the government bailout machine. Many "economists" believe that the government taking over General Motors was a disastrous move. However the Administration of Americas Saviour in Chief thinks...
Read full storySky recover signal from Gaga
Lady Gaga left Sky customers furious following her interesting choice of headgear at the 2011 EMA's. She appeared on stage wearing a satellite on her face, which caused interruption for Skyviewers causing them to lose satellite signal from their...
Read full storyRon Paul Says That NBA Commissioner David Stern Needs To Stop Playing His Silly Playground Bully Games
ROCHESTER, Michigan - Ron Paul, who says that he knows much more about the game of basketball than he does about the game of politics, remarked that NFL (sic) Commissioner David Steenburgen (sic) needs to stop making his spoiled brat, playground bull...
Read full storyNeymar reveals Short Term Memory Loss Condition
In a not so surprising development, Brazilian football starlet Neymar, who has been widely touted as the next big thing in football, has revealed that he has a short term memory loss condition. Neymar, 19, read out a pre-written statement at a press...
Read full storyAs Greece defaults on loan payments, Bailiffs move in
In a surprise move by banks across Europe, bailiffs have started the process of evicting the Greeks from their country. 'The small print on the secured loans was very clear' Bob Holbourn, head bailiff told us. 'It clearly states that 'your count...
Read full storyTiger Woods Found On Top of Australian
With the first round handily notched in his bedpost, Tiger Woods finds himself exhausted, sweaty but perhaps a bit satisfied as he rests comfortably on top of the beautifully manicured and inviting Australian Open. "Nobody can grip a shaft like Ti...
Read full storyAshton Kutcher Is So Upset About His Recent Way Out-of-Line Tweet That He Has Imposed A One Week Tweeting Ban on Himself
HOLLYWOOD - Ashton Kutcher says he now knows how people who put their big fat feet in their mouths like Gilbert Gottfried, Billy Bob Thornton, and Joaquin Phoenix, who are all currently in the Witless Protection Program feel. Kutcher, the roving b...
Read full storyNeil Warnock's teeth
QPR fans are chewing over the formation of their manager's new teeth. "Sir Neil's Hampsteads don't seem to fit, he looks like Dick Emery's vicar" proclaimed lifelong QPR fan Ginger Vitis, a dental hygienist from East Acton. Warnock guided his...
Read full storyEx-PM John Major squirms over latest paternity claims
London - Daft-as-brush ex-UK Prime Monster John Major is embroiled in a sordid DNA check on some 'bastards' who've tested positive to be his brats. At a Chatham House stink tank talk last night the hasbeen waxed lyrical about the US-UK 'special re...
Read full storyIt's a thriller that they're all shook up in Brighton!
The King of rock and roll and the King of pop have teamed up to run a fish and chip shop in Brighton on the South Coast of Great Britain. "EPMJ' was thought to be a company name from Mexico but we can exclusively reveal its Elvis Presley and Michael...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Says That She Will Definitely Not Be Returning Any of The Wedding Gifts
BEVERLY HILLS - According to Kim Kardashian's hair stylist FuFi Fondue the reality show maven and blushing bride of 72 days has made it abundantly clear that the wedding presents will not be returned to their rightful owners. Kimmy, as Carson Kres...
Read full storyChristmas is cancelled
Euro leaders are to decide if they should cancel Christmas or not. The state of the economy looks like it may be a yes. "The Italian Prime Minister always buys the Greek Prime Minister a Christmas present and so the other way round but this year i...
Read full storyMarkets Recover on Canadian Beer Industry Bailout News
Impacting the S&P, Nikkei and European markets today, news of last night's announcement over the Canadian Beer Industry bailout saw stock futures climb sharply at each market's opening bell. Canadian Senate members approved the bailout after a...
Read full storyKate borrows Mrs Speaker Bercow's bedsheet
London - "Perhaps she thought it was a toga party," a St James's Palace reception guest said today as pix of Kate sporting a tousled bed sheet appeared in UK red tops nationwide. Satrorial columns soon picked up tell-tale signs of little burn hole...
Read full storyParanoid Polish numerology nutz close Egyptian Pyramids in 11/11/11 scare
Giza - Crystal-rattling numerologists from Dar Swiatowida (Global Psychic Vision) have freaked out Egyptian antiquities curators into closing the Great Pyramid on Armistice Day. The Polish quartz cabal had applied to the Supreme Council of Antiqui...
Read full storyHistorical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - to the St Anns area
In 1958, as a young lad of about 12 years of age, I took a walk from the Parliament Street bus depot, to Cathcart Street, just off of St Anns Well Road, to visit an Aunt. I was met with about 1000 bodies fighting in the streets and alleyways. Here, I was first introduced to the effectiveness of the West Indians machete's, and the razor's of the Teddy Boys, as they fought with ferocity. Today...
Read full storyFart Causes Dow Jones to fall 1 Million Points
A loud fart that occurred on the floor of the Estonian Parliament ignited panic and pandemonium on Wall Street, leading to a mass selloff of stocks by investors causing the Dow Jones Industrial Average to drop more than 1 million points, most of whic...
Read full storyHerman Cain Denies That He and Nancy Pelosi Once Shared A Taco Pizza Down In Tijuana, Mexico
ROCHESTER, Michigan - After the latest in a series of 179 scheduled GOP Presidential Debates, Herman Cain was asked about the rumor concerning him and former Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi. At first Cain told Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld tha...
Read full storyJustin Bieber complains about religion
In an interview with TXM news media, Justin Bieber complained that tax free status should be repealed for churches, and there are a number of reasons why. Bieber says the constitution specifically bars the I.R.S. from giving churches tax exempt s...
Read full story11 Digit Phone Numbers Coming to U.S.
Murray Hill, NJ 11/11/11 - Long before we run out of oil, clean water, or helium, we will run out of phone numbers. Since the first direct-dialed long distance phone call was placed on November 10, 1951, the "ten digit dialing plan" has worked relia...
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