Justin Bieber complains about religion

Funny story written by Minka Kelly

Friday, 11 November 2011

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"Religion has to pay taxes and the I.R.S. is violating the constitution."

In an interview with TXM news media, Justin Bieber complained that tax free status should be repealed for churches, and there are a number of reasons why.

Bieber says the constitution specifically bars the I.R.S. from giving churches tax exempt status. The first amendment says congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. This means the I.R.S. can not give churches tax exempt status because they are respecting an establishment of religion and violating the constitution.

When the founding fathers said that government should not prohibit the free exercise thereof, they were stating that government was not allowed to physically arrest an establishment of religion, to stop them from practicing. The founding fathers didn't contradict themselves when they barred government from aiding religion. Churches can run for-profit, private corporations similar to the retail giant Wal-Mart and they could use their billions of dollars in profits to fund their religious activities. They have billions in tax free dollars they have saved and they can use that money as investment capital.

Bieber argues that government is corrupt and authoritative and they have a history of eroding the rights of it's citizens. Government should collect less taxes to prevent themselves from growing too powerful to protect it's citizens from itself; It could be seen as a check and balance, said Bieber.

Bieber also argues that religion has used it's tax free money to create laws that violate the freedoms of the American people because they want to run the country under their religious view points. The religious temperance movement is one example of religion controlling law. Evangelical preachers of various Christian denominations denounced drinking alcohol as a sin and they claimed that people who drank lost their faith in God and ceased to observe the teachings of Jesus. The eighteenth amendment was put into place by religious control. What the founding fathers feared, when they conceptualized the separation of church and state, came to be during the temperance movement. Another example of religion controlling government is the Christian Coalition of America, a tax exempt corporation whose activist controlled Republican and Democratic politicians by turning out large blocs of votes for Religious Right candidates. Politicians voted as the Christian Coalition urged because they feared being listed on Voter guides as casting anti-Christian votes. Bieber complains that there are all types of bizarre and extreme religions that are beginning to pull in tax free dollars and whose intentions are to control the people of the nation through legal influence.

Bieber says churches are corporations unlike any other. They are designed to make a lot of money, pay as little overhead as possible, and make stored profits grow. They bring in an estimated 250 billion dollars a year, and they do not spend 85% on operations as has been reported, it is more like 25%-30%. Outreach is their best advertising campaign because it brings in millions of tax free dollars from sympathetic followers.

When asked why he had a strong stance against churches he stated, "They are not reaching for the poor, but for the poor's money. They are spending money to grow the church, so that profits can grow weekly. More than half the money is invested in stocks, bonds, land, apartment buildings, commercial property, etc."

He went on to explain that every time churches buy a piece of property, anyone owning property in that area has an increase in property tax, because the newly owned church property no longer pays taxes. This is just simple math.

"If we take away the tax status of churches, all of our taxes would drop by as much as 20%. Further, these forced tithes that President Bush bought the church vote with and called Faith Based Initiatives should be repealed too." said Bieber.

They have lobbyists, just like Exxon, and Halliburton, and AIG, and they make money by buying the votes of our representatives.

The worst case scenario would be McDonalds claiming tax free status for being a religious corporation and putting up religious symbols in their restaurants and handing out the prayer messages of every major religion stamped on their paper bags. They would do this for an extra level of protection. The franchise owners would be preachers who manage their religious eatery. McDonalds could sustain itself solely on bonds that are indefinite with 30% of the interest payments reinvested yearly at a low rate. McDonalds would argue that it's cheaper borrowing money from bond holders than from a bank. Bond holders would replace stock holders and they would practically drain the corporation dry keeping it constantly in debt under the guise of a free market economy. It's not illegal for an institution to lend money to a religious corporation. Bond holders would hold property rights as collateral mimicking the rights of a stock holder and with voting privileges to safe guard their investment. "After McDonalds, every other corporation in America would follow," explained Bieber.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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