Written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Tiger Woods Found On Top of Australian
Tiger's putter is back in working condition

With the first round handily notched in his bedpost, Tiger Woods finds himself exhausted, sweaty but perhaps a bit satisfied as he rests comfortably on top of the beautifully manicured and inviting Australian Open.

"Nobody can grip a shaft like Tiger", says temporary caddie Buddy Wexford, referring to Woods' back arching 280 yard 3 wood shot on the 3rd hole. "He knew that if he could get to the neatly trimmed grass with just a couple of swings, he could finish the hole in one or two strokes".

While others on the tour struggled in the first round, Woods seemed to find his old putter rhythm again, smoothly approaching each hole with the focus a champion. "Tiger really played his balls very well today", said Wexford, "Playing the field and getting himself into a spot of trouble on a hole, he always managed to find a way out".

Woods did find himself burying a ball or two deep in the rough, but managed to get himself out of trouble with a miraculous swing of his club head. "Nobody goes up and down from the rough as consistently as Tiger", said Wexford.

When asked about Tiger's horrible tee shot on 17, Wexford replied, "That was the most frustrating part of the game for me, starting my ball in the right direction and keeping out of trouble. In fact I eventually gave up golf for sex. There aren't as many balls to worry about and I don't have to change my shoes".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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