US Cyclist Supports Amsterdam Nutcase Challenge to Raise Money for the Illiterate!
It was 22.06.2011, 2400 hours when under a full moon, a balmy breeze, and after a quick pull out from a well tanned and willing wench, the silence of Mallory Square in Key West, Fl, USA was rendered with the sudden throbbing of two opposed unmuffled cylinders from a restored 1969 R69S BMW touring bike cranked over by a black leather clad man on a mission....the UK/US Cycling Charity Challenge w...
Read full story'Close Call' for The Birmingham Scarlet Spoofer
It was a 'close call' for The Birmingham Scarlet Spoofer last night. Apparently he peeped into the wrong window. Inhopeless, Spoof Writer extraordinaire, was studying in his room (or so he told his mam) when he heard a tap on his bedroom window. He looked up in time to see the top end of a ladder being placed against the glass of his bedroom window. Without any hesitation, Inhopeless spri...
Read full storyBreak-in at FIFA HQ Zurich
The offices of FIFA were broken into early this morning. Nothing was stolen except the 2014 World Cup football results. The good news for England is they will make it through the group stages. The bad news is they will exit the world cup after lo...
Read full storyLulzSec Declares War on Twitter Follower's Bullying Boss
The leader of the computer hacker group LulzSec has delighted one of his multitude of followers by taking on her work bully...and winning. The follower, who called herself Ellie2, is said to have told the computer hacker how her life was being m...
Read full storySarah Palin Says That If She Is Elected President She Will Move The Green Bay Packers To Anchorage, Alaska
YPSILANTI, Michigan - Sarah Palin told a crowd of supporters gathered at a Dunkin Donuts parking lot that if she is elected president she will be making a big change in the sports world. The former ex-governor of Alaska who says she is a die-hard...
Read full storyQueen fires tarot reader over 'treasonous' prediction of her RIP
London - The trusty retainer's 10-card spreads have seen her alright for nigh on 30 years. Now Monty Liverish-Gusset RVM (and bar) has been told to bugger orf amid predictions 'the Queen's about to drop dead'. His latest reading showed 'loads...
Read full storyGentiles Sue God
London, UK: Gentiles of the world united today, and filed a class action lawsuit against God. The law suit claims that God's racist ways have caused increased harm to Gentiles throughout history because of His exclusion of them due to their race.
Read full storyVincent van Gogh best self-portrait ever? Nope, that's his brother!
A recently exposed self-protrait of Vincent van Gogh is not actually a self-portrait. After several years of research, a Dutch clever "clogs" has discovered it was actually a portrait of Theo, his brother. It obviously is a simple case of the old...
Read full storyLoneliness blamed on laissez-faire markets
Left wing think tank Jizzmop have today released a report which criticises the "laissez-faire free market" approach that people have towards relationships. Spokesman Herbert Jizzmop explained, "People are free to choose whoever they want as a frie...
Read full storyOutraged Letters To The Editor - Wednesday Edition
Dear Sir, What on earth is wrong with this country? Has everyone finally taken leave of their senses? I say this because when I returned home from work today, I was greeted by a large crowd of people dressed in overalls, a couple of my so-called 'friends' and some television presenter type chappie who looked to all intents and purposes - given his mannerisms - like he was bowling from the Gaswo...
Read full storyChelsea appoint "The Special One Mark II", Sir Alex preferred Mark I!
The worst kept secret pertaining to Chelsea's new manager has been divulged and Roman Abramovich has chosen a cautious path by appointing "A Special One Mark II" hoping he can knock Sir Alex off of his pedestal, stuff Barcelona and become the best cl...
Read full storyShia LaBeouf Star of 'The Transformers: Dark Side of The Moon' Says The Movie Set Was Jinxed
LOS ANGELES - Shia LaBeouf one of the stars of the movie The Transformers: Dark Side of The Moon recently provided some behind-the-scenes information. The 25-year-old star who portrays Sam Witwicky spoke with Tequila Tallyho of Left Coast Mirror M...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich sacks Andre Villa-Boas and appoints foetus as next Chelsea manager
Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has sacked his new manager Andre Villa-Boas for being too old. The 33 year had been in the job 12 hours before he got his marching orders. The ex-Porto schoolboy, who has never kicked a ball himself, had developed a...
Read full storyGalliano mistaken for fashion designer
The drunk, junky, drug addled fascist malcontent, anti-semite and all round bad egg, John Galliano, allegedly, is having no end of bother these days since being caught on camera hurling abuse at people who don't comply with his paradigm. Not to menti...
Read full storyOut of Tune
The latest release by jazz group The Tory Twerps has been slammed by reviewers. Trumpeter Dave Comrade was clearly out of tune, it is claimed, and did not let sax player Kem Clarkson play a new exciting 'soft sound' to contrast with the groups hard j...
Read full storyBieber Has Bad Bowels
Hollywood - It was recently rumored that teen heartthrob Justin Bieber "burns his boxers." Sources reported that Bieber's bodyguard, Kenny Hamilton, is required to incinerate Bieber's worn boxers each and every evening for fear that they will be...
Read full storySolstice manifests St John's Cross crop circle
Wiltshire - The King's Somborne crop circle 'omen' is perfectly aligned with the local medieval Church of St John the Baptist two miles away at Upper Eldon. It sprang up overnight in a barley field during the Solstice crossover ahead of Mid-Summer...
Read full storyGovernment to link tax on food to calories
The British government has come up with a unique plan to raise funds by adding a Calorie Added Tax to all food stuff. This CAT is directly related to the calorie content of food such that one calorie equals one pence. Whilst this will have little...
Read full storyHow 2 TXT Tweetly
I'm not de9 u should have a 6th sense b4 u leave 4 a dinner party. When u arrive, it dozen hurt 2 remember the bay6. Don't b l8, hold ur 4K properly, keep ur food on ur pl8, don't let any1 say u 8 2 fast, and check ur napkin off10. 4tun8ly it will keep food off of u. It's ys advice 4 kids, 4 adults and even 14agers. Don't get plum stains on urself or some1 will say, "o i c u 8 1 2." TTFN 4 NOW...
Read full storyGraphologists reckon Kate is nuts
London - 'Borderline fruitcake with delusions of grandeur' and 'marginally less loopy than Princess Diana'. That's one handwriting expert's analysis of the Middleton scrawl following a sneak preview of her Prenup Agreement signature published toda...
Read full story145% of maths teachers can't do maths
A recent survey of maths teachers at secondary schools in England has revealed that nearly ninety percent believe themselves to be above average. Worst still, they have been told that ninety percent believe themselves to be above average, and do not...
Read full storyPolice To Chase Criminals On Buses
A hard-up police force has negotiated free bus travel to get its officers to their beats. Uniformed bobbies in Gloucestershire will be able to hop on Stagecoach vehicles in a bid to save petrol costs and wear and tear on patrol cars. Gloucester...
Read full storyMeet The Drag Kings
In the past we all loved the drag queens. People like Danny La Rue and Barry Humphries made us laugh, when they dressed as women. Nowadays it seems the trend is reversing. Lily Savage was a successful comedienne, until she put on a suit, collar an...
Read full storyVillas-Boas Promises Bright Future For Chelsea
A bright future is promised for Chelsea following the appointment of Portuguese coach Andre Villas-Boas. He will be confirmed as Carlo Ancelotti's successor at Stamford Bridge today after Chelsea bought out the £13.2 million release clause in his...
Read full storyThe Importance of Clean Briefs Chapter 1
The days had turned dark and ominous for the elves of the Kingdom of Dodgedom. A great evil had imparted itself on this once merry and happy Kingdom, greatly souring the elves spirits as well as their milk. Yes, it is sad to say that where there was once happiness there is now sorrow. The laughter had changed to crying and the sunshine to rain. Parties had turned into mere funerals for lost...
Read full storyZac Efron only dates pretty women
The Sun Post news magazine reports that Zac Efron only dates the prettiest women on earth, and that's bad news for women who are not attractive. Zac Efron's ideal woman is fair skinned with European features and a slim body. He is now dating t...
Read full storyTexas Moves Independence Day to October
With current drought conditions in Texas and with wildfires burning in several parts of the state, the Texas Legislature has voted to move this year's Independence Day celebration to October. The bill passed both the State House and the Senate b...
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