145% of maths teachers can't do maths

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

image for 145% of maths teachers can't do maths
It's too hard

A recent survey of maths teachers at secondary schools in England has revealed that nearly ninety percent believe themselves to be above average. Worst still, they have been told that ninety percent believe themselves to be above average, and do not see a problem with this.

"It just means the other fifteen percent are really rubbish," said Michael Bury, a maths teacher in Bolton. "I don't think that this survey has any merit. It made other stupid claims also."

According to the survey, a quarter of maths teachers, or thirty-three percent, think that mental maths is adding in a crazy fashion, whilst twelve percent, or a fifth, think that long division should only be taught at A-Level because it is too hard. Out of a hundred and twenty-four maths teachers questioned, seventy-two percent, which is a little over eighty-nine whole teachers, ate sandwiches.

The survey was commissioned by the London University's Course for the Intellectually Diminished, who have previously come under fire for previous reports.

"Acordding to LUCID," said Kharles Cennedy, an English teacher from Leeds, "Inglish teechers kant spel. I meen, that'z gust stoopid. Hand thay seigh they're grammer is pour two!"

Unfortunately for maths students everywhere, it is these very maths teachers that are setting the questions on the exams the students take.

"Is it any wonder the maths papers are full of errors?" asks survey commissioner, Derek Derrick.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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