Government to link tax on food to calories

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

image for Government to link tax on food to calories
You will be paid to eat this

The British government has come up with a unique plan to raise funds by adding a Calorie Added Tax to all food stuff. This CAT is directly related to the calorie content of food such that one calorie equals one pence.

Whilst this will have little effect on the cost of fruit and vegetables, it will have a greater impact on pre-prepared meals.

"For the time being," said Nick Clegg, the Health and Wealth minister, a newly created post, "we will not be adding the CAT to drinks, only food. Most drinks have VAT, and having CAT and VAT would be unethical. This means that buying oil, beer or fruit juice will not have their prices increased."

Some vegetables, notably, the potato or the cumquat, have more calories, and will consequently become more expensive. On the other side of the coin, celery has negative calories and will become cheaper, with the government effectively paying people to eat celery; possibly the only way to get celery eaten.

Although the move has been welcomed by healthy eating organisations, such as Flab Fighters, a well known burger chain has come out in opposition to the plan.

"Our Large Raincoat burgers will cost more than a family car!" complained Alvin McDonald. "And people will have to remortgage their house to get the salad."

"We are hoping this will encourage more cooking," said Clegg. "For now the base ingredients will cost less than having them cooked by some nameless company in Wolverhampton and shipped around the country in refrigerated trucks. Which is how it should be."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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