Olympic Torch Embarrasses Cameron
David Cameron was left red faced, at prime minister's question time, by Sunderland Central MP Julie Elliott. Ms Elliott asked why the olympic torch was not coming to Sunderland.To hoots of derision from the opposition, an embarrassed Mr Cameron ad...
Read full storyPippa Middleton admits that she is using a photo of Congressman Anthony Weiner's 'little friend' as her computer screen saver.
WASHINGTON - Democrats on Sunday called for U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner to resign. The latest alleged scandal involves Pippa Middleton who says she is using a photo she was tweeted by the politician as her screen saver. Ms. Middleton appa...
Read full storyPrince Philip to undergo plastic surgery - courtesy of his grandchildren
Prince Philip has agreed to undergo plastic surgery at the request of his grandchildren. They have agreed to foot the bill in the interest of small children and fragile old ladies in wheelchairs. Apparently, his grandchildren believe that a few p...
Read full storyBBC cutbacks will bring long periods of TV's 'Test Card'
The Chairman of the BBC, Lord Dratten, has refused to rule out the possibility that in order for them to reduce the BBC's overall running costs by 20% without having to impact on the BBC's Hindi, Arabic, and Somali World Service broadcasts could mean...
Read full storyNicole Scherzinger Apoplectic As Rihanna Hugs Lewis Hamilton At Canadian Grand Prix
Sources are saying that American X-Factor Judge Nicole Scherzinger was positively apoplectic with rage, as her boyfriend, F1 driver Lewis Hamilton openly hugged R&B star Rihanna during a break in the Montreal Grand Prix. The race was red flagg...
Read full storyCarrot Voted As Swedish Ambassador
The Swedish Parliament has voted for a carrot to be the new Swedish ambassador. In second and third place were a cat and a Bob Marley CD. The Swedish Prime Minister said in a press conference that appearances can mislead and that the carrot is...
Read full storyNewby Isle of Wight New Police Training unveiled which includes Susan Boyle and Lady Gaga
Police officers on The Isle of Wight are being sent on a strange training course that uses clips of singers Lady Gaga and Susan Boyle to explain issues surrounding equality and diversity to staff. Those in attendance also have to listen to a varie...
Read full storyRepublicans Erecting Large Wet Paper Bag For New Hampshire Debate
Here in New Hampsire Republicans are taking serious the old adage of "beat your way out of a wet paper bag". Promoters are billing this the Wet Paper Bag Debate, and will be watching closely to see if any of the candidates do indeed manage to beat th...
Read full storyCuriously asexual Wills/Kate chemistry...but royal bride sizzles with brother-in-law Harry!
Windsor - Of course there's been no sex vid or dodgy Kate-and-Harry-at-it shagging pics from her 2007 breakup with William. Yet. Instead a weird platonic aura surrounds the newlyweds who don't touch, cuddle or exchange physical intimacies in...
Read full storyAfter the Kyle Busch brawl: NASCAR orders gun racks installed in all race cars
Only a week after star driver Kyle Busch narrowly escaped a brutal beating at the hands of senior citizen Richard Childress, NASCAR has mandated the installation of shotgun racks in all race vehicles. "We've got to give our drivers the tools they...
Read full storyTV Schedules from the Middle Ages
A recent copy of Ye Olde TV Timef was found in a box in an attic in Basingstoke, and it revealed that the TV Line-ups were not all that different to today's television. The only difference is that Freeview had not been invented back then (and Sky just showed clouds). There was only a small number of channels. Difficult to believe, but there was no cBeebies to take the place of a baby sitter. BB...
Read full storyMan Ejaculates Into Coma After Too Many Boost Bars
Gerald Foster, a 35 year old man from the small town of Staines ejaculated himself into a coma and was rushed to A&E on Monday night at 5:30 His family says he was trying to break the world record and had no understanding that the previous rec...
Read full storyAn Open Letter to Barack Obama
Dear Mr. President, It has recently come to my attention that the Taliban may be training monkeys to attack U.S. soldiers. Everybody's talking about it. Even CNN has joined in the discussion. Now, I know what you're thinking - "Em, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." But my traffic-stopping good looks must make like a prom date and take a backseat for now. What we need to fo...
Read full storyLeicester Drunk Staggers A Mile In Another Man's Shoes - Says His Feet Are "Knackered"
Leicester man, and habitual drunkard, Matt Dillon yesterday staggered a mile in another man's shoes, upon completion of which he announced that his feet were "absolutely knackered." It is believed that Mr Dillon entered into a conversation with a...
Read full storyCountdown's Rachel Riley Crowned The New 'Thinking Man's Crumpet'
Countdown maths wizard, Oxford graduate, Rachel Riley, 25 who replaced the iconic 'Rear Of The Year' Carol Vorderman on the words and numbers show, has been crowned the new 'Thinking Man's Crumpet.' Rachel has been wowing the tea time crowds with...
Read full storyWill Manchester City Cough Up £500 Million For Cristiano Ronaldo?
There is no doubting the limitless ambition of a rejuvenated Manchester City, nor that of club owner Sheikh Mansour - but are City prepared to gamble £500 million in order to acquire Cristiano Ronaldo from Real Madrid? And would he want to return...
Read full storySex Addict W.G.Grace was Ryan Giggs of the Victorian Age
'Research' coming out of deepest Surrey suggests that Eminent Victorian and free scoring batsman W.G.Grace was a sex addict. Dr Grace, who represented Gloucestershire, England, The Gentleman and The MCC has been described in a talk given by Eric...
Read full storyAnthony Weiner Checks Into Mooreview Institute "to get a grip on myself!"
Anthony Weiner, the NY Democratic Congressman with the bulge in his shorts, and a void in his brain, checked into the infamous Moorview Institute today after a coordinated call for his resignation appeared simultaneously from Liberal political leader...
Read full storyClare Balding voted nation's most sycophantic presenter
London - A poll of snooty TV battleaxes has seen the BBC's Clare Balding voted Top Female Crawler. The 40 year-old sports broadcaster narrowly pipped BBC Springbotch presenter Kate Humble into second place. Crinkly-haired blond Kate's entirely...
Read full storyGreater Manchester Police: Cutting Officers by the 1,000, whilst paying out £1,000s to an Inspector who fails the annual 'shield run'!
Greater Manchester Police: As one of Britain's largest Police forces, Greater Manchester Police will be shrinking by almost a quarter, as nearly 3,000 will lose their employment, forming part of a huge programme of reform aimed at saving £134million in the wake of the Government's spending review. Whilst this is going on, Greater Manchester Police now stands to pay out £30,000, after an employ...
Read full storyGreen Lantern Holds Press Conference, Discusses His New Movie
Born in 1940, he's on Medicare and is collecting Social Security benefits. But he's still fighting the bad guys. Green Lantern, in a public appearance related to his new movie (in which he'll be played by Ryan Reynolds), addressed the media in N...
Read full storyCongressman Anthony "Woody" Weiner Checking Into A Rehab Clinic
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Nancy Pelosi wanted him to do the right thing and resign. Every GOPer in D.C. wanted him to do the right thing and resign. But Congressman Anthony Weiner decided to listen to a voice mail he received from Lindsay Lohan and he will...
Read full storySelena Gomez Explains Her "Mystery" Ailment
BURBANK - One of the main stars of the Disney Channel, Selena Gomez was suddenly taken ill and rushed to the hospital. Gomez, aka Justin Bieber's girlfriend had just made an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno when she suddenly told her p...
Read full storyTracy Morgan Explains Why He Has Decided To Move To The North Pole
BEAVER PELTS, Wyoming - Tracy Morgan high-tailed it out of Hollywood and headed for one of the most secluded places in America, Beaver Pelts, Wyoming. One of the stars of the TV show 30 Rock made some extremely derogatory anti-gay remarks that are...
Read full storyApple Announces the i-Shoe
Cupertino, California - Steve Jobs, the elusive CEO of Apple, Inc. has just announced he will soon unveil a new project that his designers have been working on, in conjunction with Nike. Hipsters, Mac enthusiasts and joggers alike will soon be a...
Read full storyNew History Channel Show: "History According to Sarah Palin"
The History Channel has announced that it has created a new show called: History According to Sarah Palin which is scheduled to start airing at the end of September. The show's first season will include 13 shows that will all be narrated by Sarah P...
Read full story"Baise-moi! Bandits à neuf heures, Pierre!" Royal Navy pilots get French lessons.
If anybody thought that the French were still smarting from the arse-kicking they received at the Battle of Trafalgar, those suspicions can now be finally laid to rest. Two hundred years on from that stunning defeat at the hands of the British Royal...
Read full storyArnold Schwarzenegger's Trip To Tijuana, Mexico Turns Into A Horrible Nightmare!
TIJUANA, Mexico - Arnold Schwarzenegger traveled down to Tijuana, Mexico to purchase some stress pills which one can legally purchase as long as they are for your own consumption The former governor of California and presently one of its most famo...
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