Written by Rebel Not Taken

Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Sex Addict W.G.Grace was Ryan Giggs of the Victorian Age
we are not amused

'Research' coming out of deepest Surrey suggests that Eminent Victorian and free scoring batsman W.G.Grace was a sex addict.

Dr Grace, who represented Gloucestershire, England, The Gentleman and The MCC has been described in a talk given by Eric Nonce to the Dorking Women's Institute as "The Ryan Giggs of the Victorian Age".

Mr Nonce, a retired Maths teacher, claims "consummate all rounder" W.G.Grace "carried his bat" with "hundreds of women".

The speaker cites the 'evidence' from the personal diaries of his somewhat eccentric grandmother, Doris Nonce.

Doris had started the ball rolling by penning an article for 'The Lady' in 1958 titled:
" W.G.Grace made love to me behind the Gasworks at The Oval in 1907".

Doris's grandson Eric, also claims that batsman William Gilbert Grace had "intimate bodily contact" with Queen Victoria.

Mr Nonce told 13 eager listeners at the Women's Institute that the "heavily built" cricketer had demonstrated to Her Majesty how to "grip a bat handle".

The speaker declared that "statistical and empirical data" proves Sex Addict W.G.Grace had a career average of 69 with the bat and 2.3 women a week with the ball.

Nonce also told the women of Dorking that "the pulveriser of fast bowling on chancy pitches" carried on batting after bad light stopped play as the "less than gentlemanly" Jack The Ripper.

Nonce, using a projector and slides, revealed how Dr W.G.Grace had employed his "surgical cutlery" to "despatch 'ladies of the night' to the boundary after stumps were drawn.

Descendent of W.G.Grace have written to Wisden and dismissed Eric Nonce's research as "deluded tripe".

They have also challenged him to meet them at The W.G Grace Memorial Gates at Lords to "face a bit of chin music".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Cricket, Dorking, Lords

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