TV Schedules from the Middle Ages

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for TV Schedules from the Middle Ages
Michael Palin will be Visiting the Four Corners of the Known World.

A recent copy of Ye Olde TV Timef was found in a box in an attic in Basingstoke, and it revealed that the TV Line-ups were not all that different to today's television. The only difference is that Freeview had not been invented back then (and Sky just showed clouds). There was only a small number of channels. Difficult to believe, but there was no cBeebies to take the place of a baby sitter.

BBCI starts the day by showing live Cricket from the Village Green whilst children's programmes are on BBCII with Rory the Racing Cart having a nasty incident with a cow and Pony Express Pat failing to deliver the Royal Post. Later in the day there are laughs with Smock the Week, the comedy for vassals and serfs, which will be poking fun at the King and the lords of the manor. Canal IV are showing their current affairs news programme at nones, Time Team; this week, the middens at Ely House.

How to Look Good Naked and Starving will be visiting the workhouses of York and taking one unfortunate and attempt to turn them into a fortunate as they do each week; this week Helen of York has an additional problem of overcoming the pox. Over on BBCII they are showcasing a brand new series, The Sky At Night with Lord Patrick Moore about the stars above our heads, this week focusing on the pollution problem around London due to the constant burning of the city. BBCI will be following Michael Palin as he attempts to reach the edge of the world in Around The Corners in LXXX days.

The ever popular The Hovel Inspector will be visiting the hovels of Whitehaven in an attempt to help the poor dishevelled owners bring them up to a reasonable living standard. Brand New Items Roadshow is visiting Hereford this week, showcasing the items people own that might be worth something someday.

Canal V will be doing reruns of Celebrity Farm with special guest stars Catherine of Aragon and Anne of Cleves who will be helping to muck out the pigs. This will be followed by History of Warfare, with detailed analysis of Agincourt and a brief recap of the Hundred Years War. Canal V's late film is Braveheart, a mockumentary about the Anglo-Scottish skirmishes.

First of the Summer Wine will be starting a new series on BBCI, with plenty of rolling down hills in a variety of barrels, carts and bathtubs. This will be followed by Horizon, which will be examining Leonardo Da Vinci's inventions.

Eastenders sees Peggy and Grant battle against the cholera epidemic sweeping the square, whilst Coronation Street sees the first taste of Betty's Hotpot in the Rovers Tavern. Emerdale Farm will be growing potatoes and carrots.

Experts are on the look out for other hidden editions of Ye Olde TV Timef as they hope to see the completion of the How to Knit armour.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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