Kate Moss Arrested at Isle of Wight Festival
Kate Moss's Hen Night has been cancelled because she's been arrested for offending a policeman. The Policeman who is rumoured to be called Robert, and sometimes known as Bobbie, took offence when Kate tried to Mimic his Birmingham accent. Bob...
Read full storyApple Releases New iPad
Apple has recently unveiled their new product in their successful iPad range. Called the iBrick, the device is 30 feet long. The new device is set to give customers the best way to experience new technology and make their everyday life more easier...
Read full storyNorfolk Ghost Finally Caught
The Norfolk Ghost which had been causing havoc in Norfolk has finally been caught by Norfolk County Police yesterday night at 12:30. It all started a week ago when the ghost knocked over 12 bins and stole 2 ice creams. This caused outrage in...
Read full storySebastian Vettel Was Asleep At The Wheel In Canadian F1 Practice Crash
Montreal, Canada - Reigning F1 champion, Sebastian Vettel was allegedly asleep at the wheel today when he crashed his Red Bull racing car into the wall at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve during practice. The crash happened at The Wall Of Champions w...
Read full storyGermans Admit E-Coli Outbreak Source Mistake
German authorities are today rushing to cover-up an error relating to the latest E-Coli outbreak . It was announced earlier this week that the worst E.Coli outbreak in living memory had been traced to a bacterium found in noodles produced in Germany.
Read full storyRobert Pattinson To Star With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder In The Film "The Vampire Diaries - The Erotically Titillating Movie"
HOLLYWOOD - The star of the Twilight Saga movies, Robert Pattinson has just revealed his next motion picture project. RPattz spoke to Margarita Mixx, of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune and told her that he has agreed to star in a movie based on the...
Read full storyRobson Green's Extreme Extreme Fishing
In the next series of Extreme Fishing, jovial geordie actor Robson Green, will be returning to his native north east to fish in the River Wear. I intend to catch the Lambton Worm. The original worm was caught by John Lambton back in the 12th century but I believe it's descendants still live in the Wear. Even though it hasn't been seen for years, thanks to John Lambton's description, I know...
Read full storyCongressman Anthony Weiner Has Agreed To Star In His Own Reality Show, 'Growing Up A Weiner'
LOS ANGELES - According to highly placed, unnamed, inside sources in the world of reality shows, Congressman Weiner has been signed to star in his very own reality show. Preston St. Bolero of Bedroom Pillow Talk, noted that the congressman and his...
Read full storySunderland's Wearmouth Colliery To Reopen
The British Coal Corporation has announced that they are to reopen Wearmouth Colliery. In recent years there has been an upturn in the demand for coal. In the wake of an upcoming crisis, experts are advising that the UK needs to become more self-...
Read full storyPipe Smoking Enjoys Massive Popular Revival
Nobody seems quite sure why, but the old English tradition of reinforcing a stiff upper lip with a pipe stem seems to be undergoing a spectacularly fashionable revival. Some experts believe that with the advent of the internet, and satellite telev...
Read full storyThe dawn of a new era of tennis
The world of tennis has seen a breakthrough on the scale of NASA's landing on the moon and as noteworthy as the discovery of the double helix structure of DNA. Mats Wilander, most recently seen working for Eurosport at the French Open, announced the...
Read full storyInvestigation into the investigation of Dr. David Kelly's murder announced
[Press Office, Number 10] The government today denied making a U-turn with regard the investigation of the brutal murder and body dumping of Dr. David Kelly, a nuclear weapons specialist and part-time Santa Claus at Debenhams. Announcing today th...
Read full storyMadonna and Jennifer Aniston Involved In A Vicious Restaurant Catfight
BROOKLYN - Madonna and Jennifer Aniston were both having dinner separately at Brooklyn's infamous Johnny Appleseed Diner which is located across the street from The Mark Cuban Cigar Store. According to a female patron who did not want any informat...
Read full storyAusterity Britain taxpayers stung for £££ millions in Kate and Wills protection racket
London - The costs of maintaining Prince William and his pushy, calculating gold-digger wife have skyrocketed out of control. And British mug punter taxpayers are sleepwalking their way to bankrolling the entire fraudulent freakshow. That's the...
Read full storyEU Steps Into Weinergate as Explosive New Pixs Indicate Crimes Against Nature!
As if Lib/Dem congressman Anthony Weiner didn't already have his hands full (no pun intended), reports from Brussels indicate that shocking new photos are being set to be released involving innocent victims described as 'lambs being led to the slaugh...
Read full story2012 Olympic Logo 'Still Shit' says Poll
It was first unveiled to great controversy four years ago. It has been accused of spelling out the word 'Zion', described as a 'distorted Swastika' and 'Lisa Simpson performing fellatio'. Now, with just over a year until the opening ceremony, 99.99%...
Read full storyUsain Bolt to play for Manchester City
The incredibly fast Jamaican sprinter and three-time World and Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt has accepted a contract to play for Manchester City Football Club. Club manager Roberto Mancini said that the best way to beat Manchester United and ge...
Read full storyMaths teacher from Dorking banned from watching Ladies Tennis
Retired Maths teacher Eric Nonce has been refused entry to this year's Eastbourne Open Ladies Tennis Tournament. Happily married Nonce, 69, from Dorking, was ejected from the court last time round after "looking up ladies' skirts". Eastbourne...
Read full storyDavid Attenborough Predicts "Terrifying Summer" Of Butterflies!
The approaching summer will be the best for butterflies in 30 years thanks to the warm, dry weather, conservationists are predicting. Many species are emerging from their cocoons up to seven weeks early which means there is more time for them to h...
Read full storyInternet Access Declared a Human Right
Last week, a U.N. report declared that Internet access is a basic human right. Let's take a look at some other pivotal moments in human rights recognition over the years. 1760 B.C.: Babylonian king Hammurabi affirms the right of Hammurabi to do whatever the fuck he pleases. 1,000 B.C.: Mosaic law establishes the rights of all of God's children--provided those children are Israelites who wors...
Read full storyCross-dresser yogi bites feeding hand
New Delhi (India): Baba Rum-dev, india's celebrity contortionist has denied that he's Ba-ba-Black sheep, even though he's been trying to pull the wool over the eyes of his unsuspecting 'followers'. Rum-dev, who recently air-dashed to Delhi to lead...
Read full storyI Remember James Gordon Brown (I'm afraid)
In this issue we bring you the winning entry in the 'Upper Denture Gazette', in their 'In Memory Of..' series competition this month. It was penned by Inchcock Chambers, who was unable to attend the award ceremony at the 'Upper Denture Arms snug', as his monthly sanity tests are due at the institution. He was sent to Kirkaldy High School for an academic hothouse education, He was rebellious th...
Read full storyHalp! Mi Branes Got Suked out!
This is a dasparate kry fer help! Pleeze reed this and havve mercy on mee! The other dai I wuz vacuming my room. I puled the atachment off and held it up to my eer to sea if something kloged it. Sudenly it vacumed my brane out! Don't lagh, damit! This is reely seerious!!!! The bastard thing suked the nurons right out of my scull. They say without immediate sergery I kud be left with a l...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Says He's Had It With Nicole Scherzinger And Wants A Date With Cheryl Cole
F1 star Lewis Hamilton has told members of his pit team that he is sick and tired of dating Nicole Scherzinger out of the Pussycat Dolls, and that he wants to date Cheryl Cole, out of Girls Aloud. For a change. Hamilton is said to be sick to de...
Read full storyDwight Yorke Flies Out To Comfort Natasha Giggs
Unconfirmed reports are filtering through the limescale saying that former Man United striker, Dwight York, has flown out to Aiya Napa to comfort Natasha Giggs - wife of Rhodri, lover of Ryan - in her hour of need. Sources have informed us that Dw...
Read full storyTiger Woods To Partner Ryan Giggs In Pro-Celeb Golf Tournament Sponsored By Bluepill
Bluepill, sponsors of the Annual Sawgrass Pro-Celeb golf tournament announced today that Tiger Woods will be partnered by Welsh soccer star Ryan Giggs. The announcement came as something of a surprise to insiders, who were convinced that Tiger Woo...
Read full storyObama Administration to Create 15 Million New Jobs
Washington DC: The Obama administration has devised a plan to add over 15 million new jobs to the US economy while being liberal, politically correct, maintaining a somewhat greener environment, reducing energy costs and employing computer technology...
Read full storyHeart Broken Doctor Returns Beloved Camel To Neighborhood Mosque
To the casual observer, it should not surprise anyone that after two weeks Dr. Billingsgate has given up on Islam. In his rejection of this religion embraced by a billion of followers, it wasn't the thought of losing the opportunity to frolic around...
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