Sunderland's Wearmouth Colliery To Reopen

Written by Gordon Clarke

Friday, 10 June 2011

image for Sunderland's Wearmouth Colliery To Reopen

The British Coal Corporation has announced that they are to reopen Wearmouth Colliery.

In recent years there has been an upturn in the demand for coal. In the wake of an upcoming crisis, experts are advising that the UK needs to become more self-sufficient in the supply of its energy resources.

Now, a review of all redundant collieries is underway after it was discovered that a team of surveyors severely under estimated the amount of coal reserves at Wearmouth in 1993. Following the discovery, it was unanimously agreed to reopen the mine immediately.

This decision is expected to bring much needed employment and growth to the area and have some additional knock-on effects.

Upon hearing the news, Arthur Scargill, former president of the NUM, said, "I told you so."

However there is one big stumbling block in the way of this ambitious plan. The Stadium Of Light, home of Sunderland AFC, has stood on the site of the colliery since 1997.

When we asked the football club for a statement, Chairman Niall Quinn said, "Tell The British Coal Corporation to F*** OFF!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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