Tristane Banon admits to lying
Tristane Banon said she didn't steal candy from the store, but now says she did steal some "LaVie candy tins" from a grocery store in Marseille, France after she was caught on surveillance video. Tristane said she lied because she didn't want her...
Read full storyKFs to combine and take on fast food giant
Kentucky Fried Anchovy and Kentucky Fried Bison are to join forces to take on the might of the Chicken empire. "If it turns out that KFA and KFB are not mighty enough to take on our rival," said Major Heartburn of KFA, "then we can call on our sis...
Read full storyExecution Drugs Withdrawn - too dangerous
Two of the suppliers of the drugs used by the execution industry are withdrawing their use after it was discovered that they can cause death. "We never realised," said Bridget Tofar, lawyer for Smasho-Glyph-Kind. "We've been making Sodium Pentatho...
Read full storyNostradamus predicted the end of the News of the World
He hasn't yet correctly predicted the end of the world, but Nostradamus did manage to predict the end of Britain's biggest selling tabloid, the News of the World. This is the shock news revealed today by Britain's leading psychic and astrologer Ru...
Read full storyKansas schools to teach Intelligent Counting as an alternative to arithmetic
TOPEKA, Kansas - In a move that has been met with praise from conservatives and criticism from mathematicians, the Kansas State Board of Education voted to add Intelligent Counting to its elementary school curriculum on Friday. Idi Ottick, spoke...
Read full storyThe Blue Rinse Crowd - Getting Old
Don't worry about getting old. It happens to us all. JUST DON'T JOIN THE BLUE RINSE CROWD. Our knees may creak and our backs may ache but just stay young at heart...hang around with younger people and if your hair turns white,enjoy it. JUST DON'T JOIN THE BLUE RINSE CROWD. I was lucky in that my hair started to turn white in my 20's and was totally white by my late 20's. It's in the genes...
Read full storyBeckhams name new baby girl Rebekah!
Los Angeles - The 7lbs 10oz baby girl, born at 7.55am at LA's Seedy Sinus Hospital, has been named after one of the Old Testament's Jewish matriarchs. And not another well known Rebekah, her wot's in the news. She was delivered by elected Caesa...
Read full storyMates-Of-The-Yard: Sorry For The Cock-Up
London - "This ticking timebomb, it happened on my watch," Mates told the Sunday Hacker this weekend. "Still, soon blow over, eh? "Once we've got that bloomin red top and her trolling 'Unka Rupe'... all kinds of stuff could happen, lads! "Be...
Read full storyWhat's the matter with Mike Hunt?
This is almost a real letter received at the DIY SOS team HQ. Dear DIY SOS, I hope you can help me. My name is Jane Hunt and I have a useless husband called Mike. I have a really simple job that desperately needs doing and I'm afraid that my man is not quite up to the task. Therefore I need your help. Almost a year ago I purchased a nice bedroom dresser from MFI during their closing down...
Read full storyObama: "So many assholes, so little time!"
President Obama addressed the nation last night shortly after hearing of Speaker John Boehner's announcement that he would not accept Obama's proposal for raising the country's debt limit. Obama looked squarely into the camera as he started to s...
Read full storyDeleted emails Revealed
Efforts made by News International allegedly deleting emails which, it is thought, might have revealed the whole sordid story of what went on over the Hacking issue at Wapping, have come up against brilliant computer wizards, especially imported from...
Read full storyMan. U's Wayne Rooney looking forward to playing with Chicharito and 'showing him the ropes'
Wayne Rooney has promised to take Chicharito 'under his wing' and teach him all he needs to know both on and off the field. Rooney is planning to teach Chicharito how to speak 'Scouse' as well as some really neat 'pick up lines' for when they are...
Read full storyCharity Relief at last for High Street Stores
Many high street store executives are breathing a sigh of relief as charity shops continue to price themselves out of the market. Shoppers are starting to change their habits because they simply can't afford to pay exorbitant prices in the charit...
Read full storyWimbledon shocker: Woman was a man
The world of tennis was rocked today when it was revealed that during the recent Wimbledon tournament a mixed doubles pair competed who were actually two men. Johnny Allman and Sam Woman came fifth in the prestigious competition, and apparently ma...
Read full storyOxbridge "discriminates against the thick"
A charity for the intellectually challenged called DUH has today released a report showing that less intelligent people are shockingly under-represented at Oxford and Cambridge universities. In 2009, there were a total of 974 sixth-year school pup...
Read full storyNigerian News Of The World scam exposed
Thousands of innocent English people are being conned into paying subscriptions for a Sunday newspaper called 'The Nigerian News Of The World'. The paper has been exposed as a complete scam and is being promoted by a pair of embittered journalists...
Read full storySpoof Supremo Spotted At F1 Silverstone GP With Mystery Blonde
In a tactical move which would put Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson to shame, Spoof supremo, head honcho, chief cook and bottle washer, Mike Lawson, was today spotted in the Northamptonshire countryside, with none other than...the legendary mystery bl...
Read full storyGas and electricity prices going up. What can you do?
It can't have escaped your notice that domestic fuel prices are about rise sharply. Don't despair, read our useful guide to saving energy and money. By following a few simple tips you could save enough money to buy a gallon of petrol. Believe it or not it's cheaper to buy second hand clothes at a local boot sale than it is to wash yours, even at low temperatures. The average washing machine...
Read full storyMystery Blonde Spotted Lurking Behind Prince Harry And Bernie Ecclestone At Silverstone
News leaking out of the sump informs that eagle eyed TV Grand Prix viewer, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, fears that he's spotted the legendary mystery blonde, lurking behind Prince Harry and Bernie Ecclestone in a BBC TV interview. "There's loads...
Read full storyIt happened on my watch
Following a week of shock revelations and all manner of hullabaloo, there have been warnings of more to come. The times they are a changing and that's not all, people are going and coming, regimes are changing and the hand that ticks and tocks awa...
Read full storyGolf Club Disco Sparks Riot In West London
A leafy west London suburb was recovering after another night of violence today. Riot police had a long night trying to bring order to Chiswick after angry revellers went berserk after a golf club disco. The trouble apparently began at Wyke Gre...
Read full storyI'm Coming To Get You! Says Mystery Blonde
A while back some guy in Japan wrote a story about a man who was picked at random to be famous for absolutely no reason. Just to be famous for existing on earth. And guess what happened to him? He was featured on bill boards, televison and radio a...
Read full storyCasey Anthony Jurors Ask Judge if They Can 'Take it Back'
ORLANDO, FL - In yet another shocking twist for a case that has gripped the nation, the 12 jurors who voted to acquit Casey Anthony of all murder charges in the death of her daughter Caylee, appear to be more than just "sick to their stomachs", and h...
Read full storyThe secret life of cryptic puzzles
Almost every newspaper has a section devoted to some type of quiz. Quizzes are good; they give readers an opportunity to exercise their brains. It also makes them come back for the answers if they fail in their efforts. There are many types of quizzes available. Questions that rely on general knowledge are fun but they are also far too easy to cheat. Asking a question like, What is the world's...
Read full storyTabloid Scandal - A Call to Arms for True Britons!
A blameless British population were today waking up to the true horror of the abuse suffered by them over the last thirty years. "My god, I cannot believe it!" said Derek Scutter, 31, of Billericay. " If I had known for one moment that all that stuff about murdered schoolgirls and dead soldiers had been gained in an underhand manner, do you think I would still have paid to read it?" "I mean,...
Read full storyAnother Day
Today I was sitting my computer when all of a sudden a fish came flying in through the window. I live on the 134th floor of a skyscraper and I went to my window to see where the fish had come from. I then got a call asking if the fish was okay and I replied that I thought it was. The phone went dead and as I went to the balcony I felt a blinding flash and saw stars. The phone rang again, and th...
Read full storyOde In Memory of the Lib-Dem Party
The following poetic diatribe was sent in by a 64 year old, sick, grotesque, unemployed, uneducated lower-class personage from Nottingham. The editor thought it sufficiently morose and applicable for it to be published in the 'Spoof'. The Times, Guardian, The Grots End Gazette, The Freemasons Monthly, and the Sun refused the offer of publishing. The News of the World was going to, but sadly...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Group Plans Plenty of Protests Regarding The Treatment of Animals In The Movie "Zookeeper"
TARZANA - A spokesperson for a nationwide animal rights organization has stated that his highly vocal and animated group recently met in Tarzana, California and discussed taking to the streets in protests against the movie Zookeeper which just opened...
Read full storyMan Murders Wife's Virtual Guy
Mr Ohashi Shindo was arrested last night for murdering his wife's virtual boyfriend whom she had created at the dating website, returntothebattleforbloodroyalesothatwecannolongerloveyou.web Ms Haruka Shindo created her perfect man and called him A...
Read full storyLocal Man Kicked Out of House By Parents; Invokes Squatter's Rights
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA - Unemployed local Ed Stepson, 37, was kicked out of his parent's house today by his father, Gene Stepson, 63, and mother, Jean Stepson, 59. Ed rejected his parent's proposal by invoking the antiquated "squatter's rights," giv...
Read full storyAs More Information Surfaces about US Presidential Candidate, Freddy the Frog's Background, There are more questions than Answers
This is the second of a series of two articles pertaining to US Presidential candidate, Freddy the Frog. Shortly after reaching adulthood, Freddy the Frog realized that he was not put on Earth to be a frog. He despised the fact that he would ha...
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