Palin Has No Intention of Running for President in 2012
A disgruntled former aid to Sarah Palin claims that he has first-hand knowledge that Palin has absolutely no intention of actually running for President in 2012. He claims that she's playing the Tea Partiers like a fine-tuned fiddle. "The truth is...
Read full storyExorcism for Jo Yeates ahead of funeral
Bristol - (Last Frights): Thursday's Venus/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn will see Joanna Yeates' body receive extreme unction to avert bad karma in the forthcoming afterlife. Unguents, incense and votive candles will form part of a ritual ablutio...
Read full storySarah Palin Indicted for Murder of 9 Yr. old Christina Taylor Green
This afternoon, one month to the day after the Tuscon, AZ shooting Pima County, AZ attorney Barbara LaWall announced the indictment of Sarah Palin for the murder of 9 year old Christina Taylor Green. A person does not have to be the shooter to be guilty of murder. If Marlon Brando orders a hit on Bruno Tattaglia then Marlon Brando is guilty of murder. If a person shoots at one person and hits a...
Read full storyPoint/CounterPoint:: This Poem Expresses My Feelings For You Vs. Nice Try
This Poem Expresses My Feelings for You Bob Gates, English Literature Student My dearest Sarah, Your eyes twinkle like the stars, You smell like a rose, I could bring the moon down for you...I will reach up and take it in my hands, write your name on it, and give it to you. It will be yours until the end of time. We could live on the mountains... Do you want the stars? I will roam t...
Read full storyFuture News: History Students Suprised at 21st-Century Gay Rights Issues
(Published 2071) LAYER G, CHICAGO - Students at SanDisk High School were shocked at how their predecessors ignored gay rights. Although today, the class learnt, homosexuals, transgenders and others are accepted as part of modern society, in the ea...
Read full storyObama Plans To Drag America To Hell...or at least to the 19th century
President Obama will spend $53 billion on an around-the-world high-speed rail system whose sole passenger will be Vice President Joe Biden. The plan is to place Biden on the non-stop rail service until the day he expires. The President, in ma...
Read full storyMubarak To Star In Next Woody Allen Romantic Comedy
Former President Hosni Mubarak is expected to star in the next Woody Allen romantic comedy which will be filmed in Cairo, Egypt. Currently in the center of news and a revolution, Allen feels Egypt would make an excellent location for his film. Att...
Read full storyBritish Team Averts Disaster
A team of British nuclear Scientists have teamed up with a squadron of Special Agents from the SAS to uncover the most startling weapon ever created. In the wrong hands the weapon could be absolutely lethal but thankfully after months of undercover w...
Read full storyFantastic cost cutting proposal
A north east business man has a brilliant idea how beat the burgeoning cost of funerals. What Nicholas Cadaver jr is proposing is not a new idea, quite the contrary having been used by the seafaring community for many millenia...You have guessed it,...
Read full storyJapanese Craze To Sweep Britain
Those crazy Japanese have done it again and invented another craze that's set to send the UK into a frenzy. It's set to revolutionise pubs and Clubs up and down the land and in these hard times it's just the tonic we need. Businessman and entrepr...
Read full storyTen Little Known Facts About Super Bowl XLV (45)
DALLAS - The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-25. Christina Aguilera flubbed the words to the Stars Spangled Banner and Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas performed at halftime yelling, hollering, and screaming so loud that the Dallas Police Department actually issued them a citation for 'disturbing the peace.' TEN LITTLE KNOW FACTS ABOUT SUPER BOWL XLV (45) * The Super Bo...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Hospitalized
New York, NY - Conservative Fox News personality Glenn Beck has reportedly been hospitalized in New York City. According to a spokesperson for Fox News, Beck was suffering from breathing problems during his daily television broadcast Monday even...
Read full storyThe The The Epic Tale - Volume One
The the the man in the hat swept the floor and he found something hidden underneath the carpet and he picked it up and he put it in his pocket along with a Saint Peter medal. Meanwhile............. The the the little girl with the curly hair sat on a toadstool and sang lullabies to babies from the orphanage made of lollipops and smiles and general good cheer. Meanwhile............... S...
Read full storyRestaurant Chain Sues Church Group
The International House of Pancakes has filed a lawsuit against a church group called the International House of Prayer claiming that the group is illegally using the pancake house's famous acronym. The Kansas City, Missouri-based church group "se...
Read full storyNew Sherlock Holmes Series Announced
Following the success of the 3 episode modern "Sherlock Holmes", BBC have announced that an even more up to date series will be airing later this year. An unnamed source claims that all the characters would "accurately reflect society in the 21st...
Read full storyMeryl Streep to Play Margaret Thatcher
Shooting has begun on "The Iron Lady" which tells the story of one of the most controversial leaders of all time, Margaret Thatcher starring Meryl Streep in the title role. The film follows the Conservative MP's career as she barged all comers asi...
Read full storyLennon Nets Award
Celtic manager Neil Lennon has won the Clydesdale Bank Scottish Premier League Most Unpopular Manager Of The Month for January. This presents a major achievement for the Parkhead boss as its the first time the same manager has won the award for Au...
Read full storyPapal Musical On The Way
Elvis Presley, Eva Peron, Buddy Holly have all had one. Now, so too, does Pope John Paul II: a musical dedicated to his life. Entitled Cotta A Esigenze (Surplice To Requirements), this show, like the others, is bustling with show-stopping songs, dance routines and drama. The musical was written by two priests, one who wrote the script, the other who crafted the songs. The Spoof has obtai...
Read full storyLockerbie bomber confirmed not to be lying about cancer
The Lockerbie bomber, or Abdelbaset Mohmed Ali al-Megrahi to give him his full techincal name, has been discovered by the United Nations to not actually be lying about having cancer. Mr Ali McGrath (Anglicised name) was released by the Scottish go...
Read full storyWayne Rooney owing £4.5 million is just a typing error
Much to the relief of one of professional football's most overpaid actors, Wayne Rooney, the £4.5 million commission being sought by his former agency was all a mistake. Speaking with relief, having taken this week's salary in cash and it being a...
Read full storyWoman gives birth to piglets
Residents of the English town of Devizes, in Wiltshire were celebrating today after the revelation that local woman, Dandy Worzel has given birth to four piglets in the local maternity ward. Doctors, who initially thought that Mrs Worzel was expec...
Read full storyMy big fat arsed gypsy wedding
The TV crew looked on in awestruck disbelief as a big fat arsed gypsy wedding took place today in Barwick In Elmet, North Yorkshire. The set of the reality TV show My Big Fat Arsed Gypsy Wedding got even more surreal, when some people with obesity...
Read full storyCrash Victim - loses a lot of dosh to ex-wife
An amputee who was a CAR CRASH victim has had his compensation taken from him. The man who had an accident as a student and lost a leg and suffered spinal injuries was awarded 500K compensation. However, he subsequently married and had two chil...
Read full storyKGB hitwoman's gofer carjacked
London - (Karmic Mess): A man described as a former equerry to lardarse impostor the Queen Mother has had a spot of bother. Forty nine year-old Niall Hall was carjacked, stripped naked, robbed and abused by thugs who then cleaned out his bank acco...
Read full storyFIFA In New Move
Footballers all over the world have been rocked by the news that FIFA have banned buffon hairstyles for all international fixtures. Gerd Giddeen, FIFA Director of Fashion and Grooming, confirmed the ban today at a news conference in Zurich. Gi...
Read full storyAmerican Idol In Shock Move
American Idol producers have lowered the age limit for contestants to audition from 16 years to one year old, it has been announced. "A lot of young, talented people are now seeking careers and representation even before their first birthday," sa...
Read full storyColin Firth Beside Himself After Awards Snub
The King's Speech star, Colin Firth, was brought crashing to earth last night when his seeming unstoppable run of awards was halted. Best acting prize at the Evening Standard Awards went to Andrew Garfield for his role in The Social Network, a fil...
Read full storyBoxer Amir Khan admits 'I was handbag-wielding SuperGranny in foiled robbery'
The story of the old lady that 'clobbered' robbers with her handbag took a strange twist today when WBA champion boxer Amir Khan claimed it was him. Video of the raid on a jeweller's in Northampton shows what appears to be an elderly woman in a red...
Read full storyFBI Continues Scientology Investigation: Questions Suri Homes Over Claims She Forced Parents to Work 20 Hours a Day to Support Her Lifestyle!
Reports surfaced today that the FBI has been clandestinely investigating the super secretive Scientology cult for the past year over claims of physical abuse and labor violations made by former members and parents of precocious children. Now i...
Read full storyConservative's next idea: Big Joke
To replace State funded and establishment humour the Conservative Party have put forward the exciting idea of the BIG JOKE. In future all humour will be created by volunteers. This will save huge amounts of groaning and stifled yawns and should transform the Government's image with the electorate. However, retiring General Secretary of The Raving Loonies Party, Bill Scrap, said that with the...
Read full storyHollywood execs admit blunder over mix up with Danny and Frankie Boyle
Hollywood executives have today admitted their blunder in hiring the wrong Mr Boyle to direct one of their blockbuster movies! The error occurred last year when they made the trip to the UK to meet Mr Boyle to discuss his interest in directing a mov...
Read full storyDeath Wish 5?
A handbag heroine has apparently fought off robbers armed with sledgehammers as they attempted a smash-and-grab raid at a jewellery store in Northampton. An elderly passer by, Mikhail Hussain O'Reilley aged 77, immediately shit himself in excitem...
Read full storyNovel Fund Raising In Venezuela
A Venezuelan politician has launched a raffle to help fund his upcoming election campaign - and the lucky winner will receive a breast-enlargement operation. Guillermo Ignatio Ricon hopes the unusual raffle, with tickets at $6 (£3.90), will help h...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Explains The Secret Meaning Of Her Latest Tattoo (#5)
DULUTH, Minnesota - Miley Cyrus performed before a sell-out crowd of 31,903 at Duluth's Frozen Fauna Auditorium. The former star of the Disney Channel's Hannah Montana Show was asked after the concert about her brand new tattoo. Miley blushed and...
Read full storyMore Awards for Blair
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is to receive a prestigious US medal and $100,000 (£67,000) prize for his work in conflict resolution. The National Constitution Centre is awarding him its Liberty Medal for "steadfast" efforts to broker peace in Northern Ireland and the Middle East. Previous winners include Nelson Mandela and former US presidents Bill Clinton and George Bush senior. Mr Bl...
Read full storySouth Pole Beckons For Intrepid Workers
A series of adverts for jobs at the South Pole has brought over 3,000 replies in less than a month. The British Antarctic Survey is offering carpenters, joiners and electricians £23,000 salaries to work at research stations in some of the remotest...
Read full storyPeter Andre's Plans For The Future
Peter Andre is to be a presenter on Channel 4's new teatime programme, The 5 O'Clock Show. Andre had a stint on flagship daytime programme This Morning as a showbusiness reporter last year following the break up of his marriage to model Katie Price. Andre and Price divorced last September, four-and-a-half years after meeting on reality TV show I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! Andre...
Read full storyPolice Force Issues Cost Saving Guidelines
As police forces all across the country frantically scramble about to save money, one Scottish force has come up with a novel way of avoiding financially damaging law suits. Police officers in the Lothian and Borders area have been given guidance...
Read full storyDavid Cameron's Respect Agenda
Prime Minister David Cameron has called for a new respect to be shown in how the UK Government treats the Scottish Parliament and the Welsh and Irish Assemblies. In a meeting held with the recently expanded 1922 Committee, Cameron announced that i...
Read full storyTony Hawk - 'The King of Skateboarding' Has Skated Right Into Divorceville
SAN DIEGO, California - Tony Hawk, the man known as "The King of Skateboarding" has just announced that he is getting divorced from his wife of five years Lhotse [pronounced LOL-LI-GAG]. Hawk and his wife were married while standing on gold plated...
Read full storyCrap
According to sources, a covert government think tank has recommended that in order to pull out of a possible double dip recession, Britain should focus on what it does best: crap. Westminster insiders are adamant that Britain leads the world in cr...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Vacationing Down In The 'Big Easy' Deny Those Pesky Pregnant Rumors
NEW ORLEANS - The Vampire Dairies duo of Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev flew down to New Orleans, aka The Big Easy, and checked into the highly exquisite Hotel Ooh La La. Somerhalder has stayed there on several occasions whereas this was Dobrev's...
Read full storyJulian Assange To Be Fed To Baboons At Washington D.C. Zoo
America will soon have its revenge upon Wikileaks' Julian Assange as he is executed in bizarre fashion at the national zoo near the capital. Plans call for a drugged Assange to repeat assigned phrases before being fed to baboons in lieu of being n...
Read full storyArse
The British government are reportedly giving serious consideration to a request from the White House (on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, County Durham) to have the word 'arse' expunged from all dictionaries, and replaced with the word 'ass' - whic...
Read full story"NecklaceGate" May End Up Sending Lindsay Lohan To Prison
VENICE BEACH - Well it appears that Lindsay Lohan's 'Flamingo Breeding Program' did not quite work. Last week Lohan traveled down to the San Diego Zoo and purchased a dozen flamingos (six male and six female) in order to breed them in her Hollywoo...
Read full storyRobert Kubica - Hand Is The Only Thing Alive!
Doctors in Italy have said that Formula 1 driver Robert Kubica underwent 7 hours of major surgery after his rally crash on Sunday, but that the only thing showing signs of life afterwards was his partly-severed right hand. Kubica, 26, also suffere...
Read full story"Connect-A-Cat" Cuts Connections With Connecticut
Booming feline friendship business Connect-A-Cat, founded in 1999 by Willimantic, Connecticut couple Herman and Eleanor Bellhousing, is set to cut its Connecticut connections, writes Business & Repetitive Sound Effects Editor, Allie T Ration. Connect-A-Cat was started in November 1999 after the Bellhousings befriended a stray Ginger Tom that had taken to sitting in their kitchen window and...
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