Julian Assange To Be Fed To Baboons At Washington D.C. Zoo

Funny story written by Rabbi Rasputin

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

America will soon have its revenge upon Wikileaks' Julian Assange as he is executed in bizarre fashion at the national zoo near the capital.

Plans call for a drugged Assange to repeat assigned phrases before being fed to baboons in lieu of being nuked with depleted uranium weaponry.

Some of the phrases he will be expected to repeat in front of attending world press are "The Bush crime family did not finance Hitler's rise to power", "the Clintons are not the most degenerate pair of pathological lying traitors to ever disgrace America's Promised Land", and "Dual-national Zionists are not strategically placed in the U.S. Government to devour the nation's people, finances, culture, and legacy".

Homeland Security is still working on additional statements to be bleated out during Assange's final moments.

One of them is rumoured to be "I would be perfectly OK with Janet Napolitano babysitting my children someday, just so long as she assures her safety by first patting them down thoroughly, TSA-style".

Be prepared for a truly grisly scene, just as soon as Assange passes from U.K. and Swedish custody, to the U.S.A., otherwise known as the land of the free and the home of the brave.

A true statement, this correspondent supposes, if you regard a graveyard or prison as a home.

Dedicated to the millions throughout the entire earth who have been irradiated (and who, in many cases, will not know it for years to come)..........

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more