FBI Continues Scientology Investigation: Questions Suri Homes Over Claims She Forced Parents to Work 20 Hours a Day to Support Her Lifestyle!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 8 February 2011


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Katie Says Suri has Turned into Spawn of the Devil!

Reports surfaced today that the FBI has been clandestinely investigating the super secretive Scientology cult for the past year over claims of physical abuse and labor violations made by former members and parents of precocious children.

Now it appears the investigation has centered on 4 year old Suri Holmes, the Billion Dollar Baby with the Million Dollar wardrobe, daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

The FBI was drawn to focus on Suri after recent pictures of Katie looked like she was strung out, overwrought, and close to a physical breakdown. Tom, despite his proclivity for jumping over furniture on national TV, also looked wan, haggard, and 'not quite himself."

For years there have been whispered claims that the world wide organization 'brain washes' members into signing over their fortunes, disavowing their family, including their spouses, if they don't 'go along & get along' with the draconian rules of the order.

Allegedly, when confronted by a renowned UK physical healer and psychic, who 'felt her pain', Katie reportedly broke down and said her life 'was a living hell!"

According to the Psychic who blogged later, Katie admitted that Suri had taken over her life, forcing her to work 20 hours a day on pictures she indelicately described as "pure shite", deprived her of sleep, forcing her to take her shopping all hours of the night in order to take advantage of midnight sales, and demanding to be carried, rather than dirty her designer shoes.

"Things never got any better, no matter what we bought for her. Right after we bought the Aston Martin Lagonda, and had it painted in her favorite colour, she made me stand in the closet overnight because I was late bringing tea to her in her playhouse! I couldn't please the little BITCH" said Katie beginning to sob hysterically.

The revelations also reveal that Suri wasn't much better to her Dad, Tom. "One day she was bored, and made Tommy play musical chairs.......by himself against her imaginary friends.

Every time he sat down when the music stopped she threw a tantrum saying he cheated, and it was Little Mikey that would have won the chair if Tom hadn't tripped him. Then she made him crawl on the floor and bark like a dog while she hit him with a rolled up newspaper until he shit himself......I mean, what kind of kind wouldn't even take her Dad out so he could do his duty.....I ask you!"

A spokesman for the FBI said he couldn't comment on any ongoing investigations involving ' brain washed snot nosed little kids', but off the record did suggest any investigative reporting concerning Scientology be repressed, "If you know what's good for you, if you get my drift."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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