Six Million Dollar Man Needs Two Million Dollar Overhaul
When Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man, felt a kink in his neck, he went to his favorite laboratory technician, Mary Weather, for an adjustment. "I have to sleep on my side these days," said the bionic wonder, "and my hearing doesn't seem t...
Read full storyConservative MP resigns after embarrassing incident
Tory MP Gerald McFisty of Chipping Sodbury resigned today following his public humiliation after being caught in an intimate pose at the weekend. A hotel worker opened the door to his room to find him naked except for women's underwear, a gimp ma...
Read full storyITV newsreader fluffs it
Veteran newsreader Reginald Wormald floundered badly when announcing the weekend's football results. He went to pieces whilst announcing the Scottish scores. "I struggled a bit with 'Alloa 0 : Annan 1' and by the time I'd spluttered 'Hamilton Aca...
Read full storyHeadless Jordan created as iPhone app malfunctions
Apple unveiled a new app today that literally changes the way that we will view the new iPhone 4S. The 'Transformer App©' once downloaded to your iPhone will turn your device into any other object of desire that you wish using Chameleon© te...
Read full storyFather Christmas jumps off the Forth Bridge!
Father Christmas, the real one, has committed suicide by jumping off of the Forth Bridge a week before the annual binge takes place. He left a suicide note attached to his shiny black boots. He also requested that the RSPCA take care of Rudolph a...
Read full storyPenn State University In An Effort To Combat All of The Recent Bad Publicity Lowers It's Semester Tuition Fee to $7
UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - It is no secret that the University of Penn State has really taken a beating in the media lately due to the countless alleged unbelievable actions of former football coach Jerry Sandusky. And on top of those allegat...
Read full storyAfter Jay Leno Appearance, Ron Paul Tags Joe Rogan As Running Mate
I caught up with Ron Paul after his very positive showing on the Jay Leno Show. He had some surprising breaking news about his campaign: WG: Congressman Paul, you really tore the house down on the Jay Leno Show tonight. RP: I just finished talking to Joe Rogan backstage. You know he came on the show for his segment wearing a Ron Paul shirt! He has agreed to be my running mate. I think he wou...
Read full storySir Jimmy Savile lovechild claims go on - 'I'm one too', says Kerry Katona
Claims that Sir Jimmy Savile fathered various secret children go on and on, as today, ex-Atomic Kitten/tabloid ho, Kerry Katona, today shocked the nation with the revelation that she is one of them too! 'It's bloody well true,' she said today, as...
Read full storyNow Brussels Illuminati threaten to downgrade British AAA Battery
London - "Bring it on!" was the only comment from a consortium of British producers of the Triple-A carbon-zinc battery threatened with downgrading by EU penpushers. They were joined by manufacturers of the alkaline, lithium and NiMH rechargeable...
Read full storyRosie Explains The "Twitter Leak"
"I feel like a friggin super carpet muncher!" says Rosie O'Donahue, bursting with gay pride and attributing it to the fact that she is in love, engaged to a brand new lipstick lesbian. "I'm turning 50 and I'm going to lay back, put my feet up behind...
Read full storyCharity campaign for Christmas 2011 launched: Save a Chav for Crimbo
Tulisa Contostavlos, X Factor judge and 'N'Dubz' singer (yeh right, Ed.) has today launched this years charity campaign, to run over the festive season. 'Save a Chav for Crimbo' was launched today in Essex nightclub 'Slappers', by Ms. Contostavlos...
Read full storyUS pulls out of Iraq for a happy finish
After years of pounding away at Iraqi insurgents, the US army is finally withdrawing from the country, leaving it quivering and breathless. It is hoped that the withdrawal will not cause too much of a power vacuum, and that Iraqis will be able to pul...
Read full storyLaced ...
According to Greek mythology, the beginnings of things started with Chaos or yawning nothingness, and Genesis says 'The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep'. Then came the 10th Commandment-'thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's'. Herodotus (4...
Read full storyNottingham News for W/E 18 Dec 2011 - with comments
15 Dec 2011: Armed robbers made off with cash after raiding a post office in Nottingham 'Nottingham Today' Two men wearing scarves over their faces entered the shop in Hucknall Road, Sherwood, at 11.10am on Wednesday and demanded money. Witnesses say that one of the men was carrying a gun. The pair made off with a quantity of cash in a grey bag and fled the scene in a stolen Black Audi A3...
Read full storyThe Worst Selling Christmas Toys For 2011
Some of this years biggest selling Christmas season toys include The LeapFrog LeapPad Explorer Tablet, The Lalaloopsy Silly Hair Doll, The Trash Pack Trashies Garbage Truck, Crayola Crayon Makers, Monster High Dolls, Nerf Vortex Nitron Blaster, and Transformers Dark of the Moon Ultimate Optimus Prime But on the other side of the coin are Christmas toys that no one is purchasing. The highly re...
Read full storyBah, Humbug! Great British Eccentrics Hold Christmas Party In Stately Home
Oldham Hall, Gloucestershire, England. - The last of a dying breed of great British eccentrics held their annual Christmas get together here on Saturday night. The guest list read like a who's who of traditional crackpots, foul mouthed harridans, psy...
Read full storyPrince Harry drives to John O'Groats to help friend mugged on phone
Prince Harry sped to help a pal after he heard him being mugged as they chatted on the phone The prince, 27, quickly drove to the spot where Thomas van Straubenzee was attacked and searched for him until "intuition" took him to the local police st...
Read full storyCongress Applauds Commemorative Humbug Fish Currency Program
Washington, DC - In an unprecedented move, Republicans and Democrats have rallied behind the introduction of the Commemorative Humbug Fish Currency Program. Just in time for the holidays, Americans will be able to use the Humbug Dascyllus in lieu of...
Read full storyRecent Hollywood break-ups lead to one conclusion: brunettes aren't pretty enough
HOLLYWOOD - Kobe Bryant joins Ashton Kutcher and Kris Humphries as recent high-profile hot-shots who have decided to split with their wives. Although no two relationships are the same, all indications point to the fact that in each of these cases...
Read full storySusan Boyle Admits That She Thinks Chaz Bono Is Extremely Cute
CHATTANOOGA - Scottish songstress Susan Boyle recently performed at a sold-out concert at The Ooh La La Convention Center in Chattanooga Tennessee. Ms. Boyle, a native of Blackburn West Lothian, Scotland gave the cheering crowd three encores incl...
Read full storyPortsmouth v Southampton: "Football May Break Out!" Police Warn
Portsmouth, home of the Royal Navy, is bracing itself this morning in anticipation of a visit by neighbours from Southampton at lunch time and the fear that a game of football might take place. "We're prepared for the visit of the Scummers," said...
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