Nottingham News for W/E 18 Dec 2011 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 18 December 2011

image for Nottingham News for W/E 18 Dec 2011 - with comments
Welcome to Nottingham!

15 Dec 2011: Armed robbers made off with cash after raiding a post office in Nottingham

'Nottingham Today'

Two men wearing scarves over their faces entered the shop in Hucknall Road, Sherwood, at 11.10am on Wednesday and demanded money.

Witnesses say that one of the men was carrying a gun. The pair made off with a quantity of cash in a grey bag and fled the scene in a stolen Black Audi A3, which was parked in nearby Valmont Road.

It was later found abandoned and burnt out in Forest Fields.

Both men are described as being about 5ft 10ins tall, of medium build, and were wearing dark clothing. One was black and one was light-skinned mixed race.

Witnesses or anyone with information is asked to call DS Kaz Smithson or DS Roni Isembert, from Radford Road Police Station, on 101 extension 802 4591/ 802 4583, or Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

"Well fancy that, in Nottingham too!"

16 Dec 2011: Two men have been arrested over a robbery at the Nationwide Building Society in Ilkeston, Nottinghamshire

'Nottingham Evening Post'

The arrested men, aged 24 and 26, are from Derby.

Officers are still appealing for witnesses to the incident in Bath Street at 8.50pm on Monday and have released pictures of a car they believe was used as a getaway vehicle. Picture of the car

A security firm was dropping off cash when a group of men smashed through the front doors with sledge hammers.

They threatened the guards with the hammers and escaped with a significant sum of cash in four cash boxes. As they fled, one of the boxes was dropped on the street.

The men drove off in a black BMW, which was found abandoned the following morning in a car park at Drummond Road, Ilkeston, bordering Victoria Park.

Police are appealing for information from anyone who may have seen the car driving in Ilkeston that evening, or who may have seen it being abandoned at Drummond Road, to come forward.

Witnesses can call Derbyshire police on 101 or Crimestoppers, anonymously, on 0800 555 111.

'Perhaps Crimewatch should relocate to Nottingham?'

18 Dec 2011: Barclay's Bank say it's Nottingham Customers set to spend £780m this Month!

'This is Nottingham'

Nottingham customers of one of the major High Street banks are set to spend more than £780 million during December, it is claimed.

Barclays said that is the total which will be withdrawn from cash machines or spent via debit cards during the run up to Christmas.

'How exciting, I thought as I sat in the Job-Centre Plus offices, waiting to be refused any help with my unpaid gas bill!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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