Written by WilliamGerard

Sunday, 18 December 2011

I caught up with Ron Paul after his very positive showing on the Jay Leno Show. He had some surprising breaking news about his campaign:

WG: Congressman Paul, you really tore the house down on the Jay Leno Show tonight.

RP: I just finished talking to Joe Rogan backstage. You know he came on the show for his segment wearing a Ron Paul shirt! He has agreed to be my running mate. I think he would make a fantastic Vice President. I had already reached out to Chuck Norris as we both share that Texas ranger quality but he politely declined, saying I was not Christian enough. Not that it matters, as Chuck is almost as old as I am and a younger running mate would give me a leg up with voters who mistakenly insist I'm past my prime at the tender age of 76. Besides, believe it or not, I think Joe Rogan could whip Chuck Norris' butt in the Octagon.

WG: Interesting point. Any other qualities Joe Rogan possesses that makes him a good fit as running mate?

RP: Well, I've got some revolutionary ideas I'd like to implement after being elected President, you know, like using the Constitution as our model for running the US government and so forth? Hopefully I'm right about there being a better way to run the world's biggest economy aside from subjecting ourselves to the Federal Reserve international banking cabal driving us into perpetual debt slavery.

WG: Wow. Has anyone considered this before?

RP: Sure, but you're not allowed to talk about it on TV. But back to Joe Rogan - if using the Constitution doesn't work out and the whole country collapses into a smoldering landscape of wandering homeless gringo zombies, Joe Rogan is the perfect macho coach we will need to get the entire leftover American population to gulp down its first meal of liquified slugs, bugs, and dried leaves. Under such apocalyptic conditions, we are going to have to make some sacrifices and learn to ingest all sorts of gross-out contest natural foods if we are to survive. Joe has a proven track record of getting people to eat all kinds of incredibly disgusting things. I'd say the Paul/Rogan ticket has all the bases covered.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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