Angeleena's Gummy Bear Diet
"Angeleena Jolie is shedding those invisible pounds like there is no tomorrow", tweets Zelda Terwilleger of Glamour Girl. Sources close to the super rich mega star says it has zero calories to do with vanity and it's all about making a political sta...
Read full storyX-Factor's Rachel Crow Is Being Considered For Next Season's Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Little X-Factor cast-off Rachel Crow has just become the most famous 13-year-old in America. After being eliminated from Simon Cowell's reality music show X-Factor and having a virtual meltdown on stage, live before millions of televis...
Read full storyThe Dallas Cowboys Lose Another Game After The Kicker Is Iced - It's Got To Be A Friggin Curse!
DALLAS - Perhaps Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones can use his influence with the rest of the NFL owners and see about making a new NFL rule doing away with the fourth quarter. For the second week in a row the Cowboys have had the outcome of the ga...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Bimbos Get Naked to Protest Old Ladies Who Wear Fur - Old Ladies Wear Fur to Protest Animal Rights Bimbos Getting Naked!
Ahh the age old debates: Fur vs. Nudity. Wrinkly wizened wisdom vs. supple flexibility. Today marked a clash of the worldviews as well as a clash of the generations as young and old took to the streets to protest ... each other! An animal right...
Read full storyAn explanation of the financial crisis, for morons
These days, the media is full of depressing but thrilling news about the financial crisis. It is regularly implied that we are all doomed, that banks will fail, governments will fall, and nothing will work in the future. But somehow the world continues turning. It's enough to make one hit oneself over the head with a brick and yell, "What does it mean? What does it all mean???" So here, in the...
Read full storyObama begs Iran to give him back his Christmas present, it was meant for North Korea!
President Obama is hoping that the Iranian government is in a Christmas mood because he has asked them to send him his Christmas present back which was actually meant for North Korea and not Iran (well that's at lease what he's telling them). It s...
Read full storySanta's coat is red - RED WITH BLOOD!
Santa is in trouble after a whistleblower exposed Santa's operation as an illegal glacé cherry producer. However, the cherries are not quite as they seem; glacé cherries are not made from cherries but are really the noses of baby reindeer who carry...
Read full storyThousands of haemorrhoids found near Earth
About 1,000 haemorrhoids big enough to cause catastrophic damage if they hit Earth are orbiting relatively nearby, a NASA survey shows. In a project known as SmellySpaceguard, the U.S. space agency was ordered by Congress in 1998 to find 90 percen...
Read full storyJeans influence how much sleep you need
A study of 15 people found that those wearing baggy jeans slept much longer than the normal average of 8 hours. And those wearing 'severely-distressed' jeans reported fewer hours of sleep - mainly because of the draughts. Researchers planned to su...
Read full storyWhen I'm Sixty-Eight (song for a public sector workers' musical)
When I'm Sixty-Eight by Rob Barratt (With a nod to Paul McCartney) Sing to The Beatles "When I'm Sixty-four" (Hum clarinet intro...) Doodley dum dum, doodley dum, de doo de dada doo de dop-um-bum... 1.When I get older, losing my mind I'll still have to teach Propped up in the corner on me zimmer-frame Arthur-itis giving me pain Thirty-five children climbing the walls Won't it just...
Read full storyBBC denies hoodwinking viewers
The BBC, renowned for making computer generated space and pro-evolution dinosaur propaganda programmes is today in hot water over it's latest hit - Frozen Planet. Footage of baby Polar Bears in a dutch zoo, was interspersed with footage of Polar B...
Read full storyLebedev evening paper confuses Cameron EU veto story with cops' shooting of Mark Duggan
London - The former bastion of journalistic standards has run a story linking comments by the Lord Mayor of London David Wootton to a 'shoot-out' between the North London cops and Mark Duggan. The story EU will 'rein in London banks' by Evening St...
Read full storySurprising winner of the Dublin All Comers Dance-off
Dublin is in uproar this week after the winner of the All Comers Irish Dancing competition was won by a penguin. "Something has to be done," said losing semi-finalist, Sean O'Stere-O'Type. "To be sure." Organisers of the traditional annual comp...
Read full storyDerek Hough of Dancing With The Stars Goes To X-Factor's Nicole Scherzinger's Home And Comforts Her
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nicole Scherzinger, one of the four X-Factor judges took some unwarranted hits from many viewers who blamed her for 13-year-old Rachel Crow being eliminated from the latest edition of X-Factor. Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld caug...
Read full storyNew beetle gets named six months after its discovery
There has been a lot of wrangling over the name of the new beetle discovered in northern Finland in June of 2011 with its identification as a new species happening simultaneously between two groups of scientists. "We believe that we found it first...
Read full storyThe must have Christmas gift for women
Department stores are stocking up on the latest must have Christmas gift for women as Christmas Eve approaches. "Christmas Eve is the traditional day for men to buy their wives their presents," said Debbie Enams, Sales Director of a popular high s...
Read full storyScrooge Arrested by Political Correctness Police
His constant use of the phrase, "Bah, humbug," was given as the reason for his arrest. An unnamed source in the Political Correctness (PC) Police reported that their investigation was initiated by the official complaint of a sheep who said that ba...
Read full storyNFL Fans Will to be Denied another Tony Romo Playoff Breakdown
A week after Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garret gave the NFL world the icing by icing kicker Dan Baily, he has now followed up by bringing the cake to the show. Fortunately for Dan Baily he should do well in the cold this winter as he was iced again...
Read full storyEarth's Magnetic Field Reverses Overnight: Nothing Makes Sense Anymore as if ever did
In a shocking revelation, everyone in the world woke up this morning to find out that the Earth's magnetic field had reversed itself. That is except for the people of Australia who actually witnessed it first hand and realized that their beer must h...
Read full storyDeath in a Pissoir
Stewart: When's he going to get here? Tracy: I don't know. Stewart: Soon, you think? Tracy: I don't know I said. He'll get here. Stewart: It's been hours since you sent for him. Tracy: He'll get here. Stewart: He's big. Tracy: He's big. Stewart: It all started with the Rockefeller Christmas tree case, didn't it? Tracy: It did. Stewart: Before my time.
Read full storyDanbury Swamp Chapter 5
"My name is Shannon", the girl started sadly. "I am asking you these questions because I care for you and I'm bothering you because I really like you and why do I care why you drink that cranberry tea? I can tell you but it would take me all day and until tomorrow, until a quarter past three". Something about this girl struck the toad in a very peculiar way. It's a way that he had felt befor...
Read full storyKardashian Sisters Release New Christmas CD
Not to be outdone by the Christmas CD releases by Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber, the Kardashian sisters have rushed their own collection of holiday classics to stores in time for the last minute shopping rush. Featuring the three reality show cel...
Read full storyUnited States and Chinese Vice Presidents Dine Together
Beijing PRC: Vice President Biden was recently a guest of his Chinese counterpart Vice President Xi Jinping, who will take over China's government and the ruling Communist Party next year. During formal speeches both vice presidents stressed the c...
Read full storyScientists discover global warming in Emmaus
EMMAUS PA - News from the Broad Street Saloon in Emmaus, PA is backing up global warming, despite the cooked results previously reported. Scientists there noticed that while drinking scotch on the rocks, that the rocks melted. As this melt transpir...
Read full storyChristmas Visitor Travels to a Small Southern Town
Hog Jaw AR: The new Deputy Sheriff Billy Bob Jones Jr. arrested an out of town motorist going 45 mph downtown on Main Street (which is posted at 15 mph) during the Christmas shopping rush. The charges were upgraded to include drunk driving when the m...
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