Hog Jaw AR: The new Deputy Sheriff Billy Bob Jones Jr. arrested an out of town motorist going 45 mph downtown on Main Street (which is posted at 15 mph) during the Christmas shopping rush. The charges were upgraded to include drunk driving when the man couldn't answer Billy Bob's questions without slurring his response.
The motorist was immediately taken before Magistrate Billy Bob Jones Sr. for arraignment and a possible sentence of 30 days in jail or a stiff fine, if found guilty. A courthouse lawyer represented the man and pleaded him guilty to speeding, but not guilty to being drunk and demanded a breathalyzer test. Judge Jones sheepishly admitted that the town of Hog Jaw didn't own a breathalyzer machine.
The man, under advice of his attorney had remained silent all this time, finally spoke up saying "Mehhy Chhistmas Judge, I am not dhunk but looking for Bah Humbug whehe my old college hoommate has ahhanged a small Chhistmas celebhation!" Billy Bob Jones Jr. shook his head from side to side to indicate that indeed the man had imbibed some Christmas spirits.
Judge Jones asked the deputy sheriff if the motorist's automobile had Massachusetts license plates, to which he nodded yes. The judge addressed his son indicating the man had said "Merry Christmas Judge, I am not drunk but looking for Bar Rumbug where my old college roommate has arranged a small Christmas celebration!" The judge than dismissed the drunken driving charge, fined the man $100 for speeding and wished him a Merry Christmas.
