Belgian Girl with Face Tattooed Now Pregnant
A Belgian teen girl who went to a tattoo parlour to have 3 little stars tattooed near her left eye and woke up with 56 stars tattooed on her face is now reported to be pregnant. The girl said she gave a boy in a club permission to kiss her three t...
Read full storyE-Buy Trek Marred By Sat Nav Disaster
Today, a reputable E-Buy customer who went to collect some radiator covers in Berkshire, narrowly averted disaster following a tape measure failure and a sat-nav nightmare. Problem number one originated with a sat-nav error which resulted in the h...
Read full storyBaby Federer due to make Men's Finals Centre Court debut!
Wimbledon - (ReUterus & Epidural Ass Mess): Mrs Roger Federer has hinted heavily that the imminent arrival of little Roger Federer Junior is scheduled for some time around 3pm on Sunday 5th July in the VIP enclosure of Wimbledon's Centre Court.
Read full storyN Korea's top new spook gobsmacked by UK charity shops OAP espionage web
Pyongyang - (AssoCIAted Lucy Liu Mess): He thought he was inheriting the running of a virile James Bond-like army of precision-trained high tech espionage professionals. But his week North Korea's newest Spookmaster General Kim Jong-un, youngest s...
Read full storyBaldness calculator has millions of hits in a day.
'Herr Hair' is a new calculator launched by a German company to predict the amounts of hair loss and more importantly, when and what rate. Programme users are asked to state their age, marital status, occupation, if there is any history of hair lo...
Read full storyNonagenarian New York DA Morgenthau nails Craigslist Rapist and 'demonic' assistant
New York - (Sordid Ass Mess): He'll be 90 at the end of next month but he's still The Big Apple's top dog when it comes to screwing over the felons, deviants, nutters and perverts that sully the benches of the Manhattan State Supreme Court. And th...
Read full storyTop 15 Rejected Names For Captain D's
The Top 15 Rejected Names Before Captain D's Was Selected! 15. Fish & Chimps 14. The Croaked Carp 13. Hot Greasy Grouper 12. The Bigger Figure 11. The Bait Mate 10. Some Bad Chad 9. Heart Attack Jack Mack 8. Flounders Keepers 7. Captain P's 6. Big Nutty Eel 5. I Like Pike 4. Pegleg's Perch 3. Bigass Bass 2. Holy Mackerel 1. Amazing Grease...
Read full storySan Francisco Carnage: D.C. Metro Copycat Crashes BART Train
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The horrific Metro crash in Washington D.C. was virtually replayed in San Francisco today when an underground BART train headed for downtown smashed into the rear of another at the height of evening rush hour, injuring scores of c...
Read full storyZac Efron Joins Cast Of Sexy Thriller
Zac Efron has apparently decided to drop the musicals and do some more serious acting. He's even considering dropping girlfriend, Vanessa, because every time they are seen together people will link them together as in "High School Musical". Zac ha...
Read full story'The Scream', starring Maria Sharapova, opened in cinemas today in London
Stunning film actress Maria Sharapova's latest film 'The Scream' opened in cinemas in London today, and was met with mixed reviews from audiences and critics alike. The movie is a horror story set in a ruined castle in Wimbledon, where the tall an...
Read full storyBritain Tops World League - AGAIN!
For the second time in less than a week, plucky little Great Britain has taken the top spot in a world league. Following our triumph in the Worst Enemy Of Iran finals we have once again planted the leather in the back of the net. We are the Wor...
Read full storyNo 10 battens down the hatches as crazed ABN Amro banker 'vanishes with AK-47s'
London - (Rioters): UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown has been moved to a secure, padded-wall facility following reports that mad-as-hell ABN Amro banker Huibert Boumeester has escaped from his high-tech Canary Wharf (B)lair, armed with a cache of loaded...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Buys The San Diego Chargers
SAN DIEGO - American Idol's Adam Lambert has just finalized a deal to purchase the National Football League's San Diego Chargers. Adam said that he remembers watching his favorite player Dan Fouts quarterbacking the Chargers when he was a little b...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Named As New Miss California
First, Miss California, USA Carrie Prejean, who stirred up a hornet's nest of controversy when she said gays shouldn't be allowed to marry, and got the word from pageant head Donald Trump was replaced by runner-up, Tami Farrell. But Trump and othe...
Read full storyApple in Hot Water As iPhone Goes Wrong
A man who bought the new 'Bath-o-Matic' software for his iPhone is extremely angry as the gadget went wrong on the first attempt. Millionaire, Sir Christopher Plumber spoke to In Seine News from his luxury six bedroom mansion in Shropshire and exp...
Read full storySotomayor: Wise Latina Woman Better than Horse's Ass
Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, has spoken out for years about how her experiences as a Latina woman have influenced her decisions as a judge. "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences with a whole different...
Read full storyMan hanging off cliff due to surge in migrants gaining British passports
It was reported last night that a man was in critical danger when he was found hanging off the white cliffs of Dover. The man in his 50's and allegedly from North London, is said to have been literally pushed out of his town by the sheer size of...
Read full storyBritney Spears confirms series of concerts at deaf institutes nationwide
American singer Britney Spears has confirmed a concert tour of 24 venues around the UK. Currently the world's most famous mime artist, she will be following in the footsteps of famous French mime artist Marcel Marceau, and will be appearing at ins...
Read full storyDetroit To Be Dismantled And Moved To Chicago.
What was left of the city of Detroit was dismantled and shipped to Illinois this week. The Motor City, long beset by declines in the automotive industry and general economy, has given up the ghost as a separate city entity and will be rebuilt as...
Read full storyBald Headed Man Attacked By Cat
Memphis Tn - Completely bald Cletus Presley was today recovering in hospital in Memphis after being savagely attacked by his own pet cat. The cat, named Duke, after the late actor John Wayne was described by neighbors as being an ornery critter.
Read full storyHull City To Sign Michael Owen?
In a daring move, Hull City manager Phil Brown announced last night that the club are hoping to sign out of contract Newcastle United and England striker Michael Owen. The player has recently been touting his CV around Premier League clubs, but no...
Read full storyLittle Debbie Markets Cream Pies
Dessert treats madam Little Debbie has announced the release of a new snack treat: Little Debbie's Cream Pies. Little Debbies has been struggling to compete in the dessert treat market in the second great depression. The usual fruit pies and chocolat...
Read full storySenator Ensign Apologises to US Congressional Adulterers' Club
Senator John Ensign who has made a self-righteous career of denouncing colleagues' sexual sins, made his own big boo boo with a family friend and campaign follower. Ensign appeared before the US Congressional Adulterers' Club to submit his confession...
Read full storyChris Brown Restrained 10 feet from Rihanna: No Prob Claims the Rapstar's Gangsta Girlie
Abusive Rapstar Chris Brown was dealt a severe sentence in his domestic violence charges, according to gangsta rap website beatenmabiatch.bruse. The court banned Brown from within fity feet publically and ten feet privately and commercially from his...
Read full storyAstronauts Complain of UFO and Alien Spying
Female astronauts aboard the International Space station have been complaining that they have no privacy from the spying eyes of UFOs according to NASA documents leaked to the media. "Every time I get undressed for bed one of those UFO things is p...
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