San Francisco Carnage: D.C. Metro Copycat Crashes BART Train

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 24 June 2009


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image for San Francisco Carnage: D.C. Metro Copycat Crashes BART Train
Trailing cars jackknifed onto boarding platform, killing four BART officers about to shoot passenger.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The horrific Metro crash in Washington D.C. was virtually replayed in San Francisco today when an underground BART train headed for downtown smashed into the rear of another at the height of evening rush hour, injuring scores of commuters.

The crash also killed four BART police officers, one of whom was just about to shoot a passenger in the back when the trailing cars jackknifed violently up onto the boarding platform, striking the officers.

Rescue workers had to cut open train cars to gain access to many of the injured, who scrambled to safety. More than sixty people were hospitalized, though the search continues at this time for more survivors.

So severe was the force of the impact that its effects were even felt above ground.

"I hur' dat mo'f*cker go SMACK!!" said a homeless man who was smoking crack at street level immediately above the point of impact when the crash occurred.

"Toot, toot, she's about to blow!! "KAPOW!!" he added excitedly, punching his palm with his fist for emphasis.

Authorities believe the terrible crash was the work of a "copycat." First recorded in 1912 after Jack the Ripper terrorized the London area, and glamourized in the late 60's by Charles Manson of California, the copycat effect "refers to the tendency of sensational publicity about violent crimes to result in more of the same through imitation."

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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