The Celestial Omens & Mrs Ratzinger's Magna Carta Day shocker!
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Monday 15 June and it's all over bar the shitting for the world's longest running badass tribute act. At around 7.50 GMT the mighty gas giant Jupiter stands still in the heavens at 27 degrees Aquarius, sign of...
Read full storyGordan knocked by truck
Our Prime minister Gordan Brown, has been having a rough year this year, with him being hit around the face and lower stomach by Susan Boyle, on his tv show 'Talk to Gordan', the Recession, The Local election and now this. He was walking through Lond...
Read full storyAfter David Carradine's Death, Bangkok Police issue another warning to men: "Don't Twitter while..."
Bangkok, Thailand - Refusing to comment on whether their latest warning to men not to Twitter while engaged in autoerotic asphyxiation masturbation was the cause of death of David Carradine, Bangkok police reiterated their warning instead. "Men.
Read full storyThe Sarah Palin Train Has Left The Station
It's a little late for Sarah Palin to present herself as the, "outraged mother" after parading her seventeen year old unwed pregnant daughter across the nation in a lame attempt to demonstrate family values and become Vice President of the United Sta...
Read full storyGloria Happy With CON-ASS
Philippine president, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, is said to be very happy with her party's response regarding her proposal to convene a Constitutional Assembly, more popularly known as CON-ASS. Apparently not content with raiding governement coffers...
Read full story1970s TV "Kung Fu" Master's Autoerotic Asphyxiation documentary Not a 1980s Style Snuff Film, say Bangkok Police
Bangkok, Thailand - Bangkok police have just confirmed that they recovered a digital camera containing footage of the last moments of David Carradine's life days after his death. The camera was discovered and turned into police by a hotel maid who fo...
Read full storyMore Stars Join Pattinson In "Remember Me"
Robert Pattinson, the star of the "Twilight" movies has signed a contract to be in another film called "Remember Me", which is also being distributed by the same Summit Entertainment. Once Pattinson put his name on the line, more stars are commiti...
Read full storyIran concedes Ahmedinejad win of 62.6% was incorrect!
TEHRAN -IRAN: As supporters of the pro-reform movement of Mir Hossein Mousavi took to the streets to protest the results of Iran's Presidential election, the Iranian Ministry of Disinformation went into overdrive. Attempting to show not only Irani...
Read full storyAuthorities Narrow Possible Causes of David Carradine's Death to 10
Now that authorities have ruled out suicide as a cause of death for actor David Carradine, they have narrowed the list of possible causes of death to only 10. We are looking at maybe a half dozen possible scenarios and 4 or 5 more less possible sc...
Read full storyBNP blacklisted by UK's major egg producers
Following the appearance of BNP leader Ron Nasty at a political rally outside Westminster, the UK's egg producers have threatened to go on all-out strike, halting the production of the country's eggs. Their spokesman, Chuck Freerange, said that hi...
Read full storyMiley Still Smiley Despite Mouth Guard For Bruxism
Miley Cyrus was once again mobbed by her loving fans after performing at The Carnival In Los Angeles last week. She took the time to sign a few autographs and show off that huge smile but no teeth showing as she made her way out. She also blew kisses...
Read full storySusan Boyle to take over vacant BBC "The Apprentice" role
With the announcement that Margaret Mountford, Sir Alan Sugar's trusty sidekick invigilator on "The Apprentice" is not taking part in next year's series due to going back to school to study papyrus, it has just been revealed that Britain's Got Tale...
Read full storyStallone wants Lambert for Ultimate Sequel
Adam Lambert has been approached by Sylvester Stallone to star in what he predicts will be the last sequel to his two best-known cinema vehicles. "I am unable to discuss this with you at the moment as there are cooler publications in which I could...
Read full storyAhmadinejad Receives 0% of Iran's Homosexual Vote
TEHRAN, Iran - Both hard-line incumbent Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his chief rival, reformist Mir Hossein Moussavi have declared victory in a race that brought unprecedented numbers of Iranian citizens to the polls. Votes counted so...
Read full storyObama Administration Proposes New Sin Taxes
Washington DC: In order to reduce the $2.0 Trillion budget deficit the Obama administration is proposing a series of new sin taxes to be offset by various tax credits. The administration feels that the current alcohol and tobacco taxes have been pushed to their limits and taxpayers are "tapped out." The new sin taxes include: 1. Viagra tax: Congress is debating whether this tax will be asse...
Read full storyLambert and Aiken in The Battle of The Biggest Losers
The Claymates and Glamberts flocked the stadium to see, arguably the biggest battle of The American Idol losers ever presented - mud wrestling! Yes that's right Clay Aiken, season 2 American Idol loser will attempt to take on the much larger Adam Lambert season 8 loser. Each contestant entered from opposite ends of the stadium, slowly descending the staircase as the crowd went wild. Adam wea...
Read full storyMadonna to adopt Theo Walcott
Mad donna has today launched an audacious bid to adopt baby faced Arsenal star Theo Walcott. Mad donna spotted his distraught picture in the newspaper the other day and told her assistants she wanted him. When the assistants tried to point out to...
Read full storyGordon Brown Wants Cristiano Ronaldo Money To Shore Up Flagging Economy
(Corridors of Power, Westminster) After a late meeting in the House of Commons last night, Prime Minister Gordon Brown had good news for the nation this morning when he announced that the £80million received by Manchester United for their star winger...
Read full storyUK Poet Laureate's First Poem, a Limerick
Carol Ann Doofy the first feminine Poet Laureate of the British Empire since Alfie Tennyson has shocked literati across the empire by issuing a limerick as her first poetic utterance. Doofy told a certain spoof site that she thought that British...
Read full storyCaCa, Ronaldo and Paris in a Real Madrid Menagerie
In a wild celebration of Real Madrid's long sought after acquisition of Christiano Ronaldo, the football club put CaCa and Ronaldo immediately into play...sex play that is. Fans who could not wait to see the two football superstars lead the Real Madr...
Read full storyYank Skipper Girardi : Bosux Penny hit Big Bucks A-Rod on Purpose
The manager of the New York Yankees, Joe Girardi has accused Boston Red Sox pitcher Brad Penny of plunking Alex Rodriguez on purpose. Girardi went before the press and offered copious details to prove his case that Penny threw at billionnaire A-Rod i...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney To Do Star Benefit Concerts
Sir Paul McCartney is set to do three shows next month, July 2009, at the new Citi Field stadium for the New York Mets, according to his publicist, George Anderson. The former Beatle will be the first concert to rock the new stadium after performing...
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