Stallone wants Lambert for Ultimate Sequel

Funny story written by FrankieBiggsy

Saturday, 13 June 2009

image for Stallone wants Lambert for Ultimate Sequel
Adam Lambert models a suit like the one he will be wearing when he accepts his Oscar

Adam Lambert has been approached by Sylvester Stallone to star in what he predicts will be the last sequel to his two best-known cinema vehicles.

"I am unable to discuss this with you at the moment as there are cooler publications in which I could break this news" Lambert joked as he left rehearsals for his first headlining concert tour (a.k.a. 'The Season 8 American Idol Tour').

He continued "Seriously, I am flattered and honoured and looking forward to starting filming,...... just as soon as I have finished the tour, the album and had a meaningful conversation with Brian May."

In the film - to be shot on location in Los Angeles, New York, Las Vegas, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Melbourne and Vietnam - the American Idol runner-up will play the lovechild of a fling that the wife of a mercenary soldier had with a champion boxer while the soldier was on a tour of duty (in a cinematic first, both characters will be played by Stallone). The child was brought up with the mother's subsequent partner, a rock star, as a father figure. Though casting for these two crucial roles are being kept closely guarded secrets, it is expected that Cher and David Bowie will make their returns to the big screen. Stallone, however, refused to confirm or deny this, "When we make the official announcement, we want it to come as a surprise to everyone - just like Adam Lambert's confirmation that he is gay did.".

Lambert is also expected to sing the film's theme and the rest of its soundtrack, and it is rumoured that he will collaborate on this with Brian May, Roger Taylor, Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Rob Halford, Bruce Springsteen, Alice Cooper, Robert Plant, Meat Loaf, Carlos Santana, Eric Clapton, Bono, Ozzy Osbourne, Prince, George Michael, Boy George, Stevie Wonder, Barry Gibb, Robin Gibb, Justin Timberlake, Justin Hawkins, Justin Hayward, Justin Bieber, Jeff Wayne, Rick Wakeman, Vangelis, Jean Michel Jarre, Mike Oldfield, Madonna, Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, Randy Jackson, Cathy Dennis, Diane Warren, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sir Elton John, Aretha Franklin, Debbie Harry, Katy Perry, Lady GaGa, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Kylie Minogue, Dannii Minogue, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, Girls Aloud, the Sugababes, individual former members of the Spice Girls, Il Divo, Beyonce Knowles, Kelly Rowland, Kelly Clarkson, Kelly Osbourne, Take That, Robbie Williams, Will Young, Leona Lewis, Alexandra Burke, Rhydian Roberts, Paul Potts, Susan Boyle, Connie Talbot, Connie Fisher, Jodie Prenger, Michael Ball, Russell Watson, Lee Mead, Daniel Boys, Jonathan Ansell, Alfie Bo, Bo Bice, David Cook, Chris Daughtry, Roger Daltrey, John Barrowman, Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras, Andrea Bocelli, Sarah Brightman, Katherine Jenkins, Charlotte Church, Hayley Westenra, Pete Waterman, Dennis Waterman (who really wanted to write the theme tune and sing the theme tune), Norman Gentle, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmonds (though Simmonds may want himself or Paul Stanley to sing some of the songs instead as he feels that Lambert does not have the right voice for the songs and, anyway, he is already starting to wonder why some musical theatre and popera boys, a bunch of girls and a dude who can't sing but got on TV by prancing around in a silly costume are even being mentioned in the same breath as him).

The film will follow Lambert's character throughout his childhood accompanying his stepdad on the road on World tours - during which he considers a career where he can dress in uniform, camouflage make-up and headgear or following his genes, and his broad shoulders, into a career in boxing - before deciding that the life of music he was brought up in is the one for him.

Already, there is an Oscar-buzz about this film. It is believed that the film's planned director, Quentin Tarantino, suggested Lambert to Stallone after working as a mentor on American Idol.

America's Got Talent and former X Factor judge, Sharon Osbourne described the project as "Fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-bulous!".

American Idol's self-appointed head judge, Simon Cowell, stated "I said this boy would be a worldwide star and, as everybody knows, I am rarely wrong and when I am wrong, it is not because I have actually been wrong but because people have misunderstood what I was actually saying."

'RockyGlambo' is scheduled for release in 2012 - just in time for Lambert to perform at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in London by which time, due to his constant nods to the great Great British artists throughout the years, he will have been made an honorary Brit.

In related news: It is reported that winner, Kris Allen's first performance in the UK will be as early as this December. He has been signed to play Jack in 'Jack and the Beanstalk' in Skegness and during this run will be opening the town's new Poundstore. "It will be tough spending Christmas and New Year away from the family", he said "but it is a wonderful opportunity to break the European market".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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