Written by Robert W. Armijo

Saturday, 13 June 2009


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image for After David Carradine's Death, Bangkok Police issue another warning to men: "Don't Twitter while..."
Bangkok Police issue another warning to men

Bangkok, Thailand - Refusing to comment on whether their latest warning to men not to Twitter while engaged in autoerotic asphyxiation masturbation was the cause of death of David Carradine, Bangkok police reiterated their warning instead.

"Men. We cannot emphasize the importance of this warning more than we have here," said a spokesman for the Bangkok police. "Whatever you do. Do not. I repeat. Do not Twitter if you're actively engaged in the practice autoerotic asphyxiation masturbation."

The spokesman for the Bangkok police force went on to show detailed diagrams of the impracticality and infeasibility of Twittering while engaged in the practice autoerotic asphyxiation masturbation.

"As you can see," continued the spokesman referring to the diagrams. "If you attempt to hit the enter key with your thumb on any mobile device while your hands are bound and you have a rope around your neck and your [censored] is all hog tied too, you will die. Yes you will most likely experience the best orgasm of your life but again. I emphasize. You will die."

The spokesman then quickly called a close to the press conference, only to walk back to the podium to take the diagrams with him, as all the male reporters seemed to be studying them, taking detailed notes for personal reference.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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