Ahmadinejad Receives 0% of Iran's Homosexual Vote

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 13 June 2009

image for Ahmadinejad Receives 0% of Iran's Homosexual Vote
Gay man who owns this fudge packing business in Iran "furious" to hear vote may not have counted.

TEHRAN, Iran - Both hard-line incumbent Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his chief rival, reformist Mir Hossein Moussavi have declared victory in a race that brought unprecedented numbers of Iranian citizens to the polls.

Votes counted so far indicate a strong lead for Ahmadinejad, prompting Moussavi to declare the Iranian establishment guilty of vote tampering, specifically regarding votes cast by homosexuals.

He says that, although Ahmadinejad did not receive one single vote from a homosexual, neither did he. To his credit, this seems suspicious considering the prevailing gaiety of the many street festivals and rallies that came out to show pride for Moussavi and his reformist platform in the days before the election, but Ahmadinejad disagrees.

"Of course we receive no vote from homosexual," says Ahmadinejad. "I tell you before, very many times, there no is homosexuality in Iran. This is, how do you say? American phenomenon. We have oldest civilizations in world. For more than 7,000 years there are continually no homosexuals here."

Moussavi says he's not buying it. "Does he really expect me to believe not one Iranian male ever became an interior designer, hair stylist or fashion guru in this entire country? Rented 'Brokeback Mountain?' Or that there are no cross-dressers? Because everyone's passable in a hajib. And what would he say to all my friends who were rooting for Adam Lambert to the very end? Hmm?

"What, you think we don't watch American Idol in Iran?" he asked. "We're not all hard-line barbarians you know."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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