Police: All Points Bulletin Out for Missing Chicken Leg
It had been a tough day. I was on my way home from work when I decided to stop by the local supermarket and pick up something for dinner. I finally settled on a rotisserie chicken for $4.99, paid for it and got the hell out of there. I was hungry and tired and not in any mood for any bullshit either. So, imagine my disgust when I opened the rotisserie box at home to find a chicken with only on...
Read full storyPeeping Tom Concerned About Erin Andrews
The peeping tom who posted online several nude videos of ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews (and asked us to call him Tom) said he is very concerned about the lack of sex in her life. "I've got nude videos of her curling her hair and ironing her cloth...
Read full storyUsain Bolt: I am not Gay
Usain Bolt, world record holder for the 100 metres and global superstar who has set the world athletics championships alight, has stressed that he is not Gay. "It was bound to happen I suppose, athletics is rife with speculation about all sorts of...
Read full storyDwarf Stuck In Britney's Rear Entrance
Los Angeles police yesterday described how they had to call the fire department to remove a dwarf who had become wedged in Britney Spear's rear entrance. Police were called to the home of Ms Spears, 52, in the early hours of yesterday morning afte...
Read full storyDancing with the Stars 2009 latest: Bruno Tonioli resigns to join American Idol
Well, scandal has rocked this season's Dancing with Stars with one of the judges, Bruno Tonioli, leaving already to take Paula Abdul's place on American Idol. "This is a major career step for me." The camp Italian explained. "My overall aim is to...
Read full storyBilly Mays Last Infomercial, "The Lucky Hoodoo Hound's Tooth" Stopped By Judge
Billy Mays, who was always on late at night on one channel or another and who died recently, had one more item for sale apparently. The makers of "The Lucky Hoodoo Hound's Tooth" the luckiest charm of them all for only $9.95 plus postage and hand...
Read full storyWomen's Boxing 'Guarantees GB Medal Success'
The chair of British Boxing, Sir Tim Gitt, yesterday praised the decision to include women's boxing in London 2012 as,"a great opportunity for Team GB." "We are guaranteed to top the medal tables in 2012 because we have the best female pugilists i...
Read full story'Jacko!' opens in London's West End
New musical 'Jacko!' today opened in London's West End Aperphi Theatre, and was attended by a host of American celebrities, none of them officially wanted by the FBI. Film actress Elizabreath Taylor and conjuror Ura Perver attended the first night of...
Read full storyGender Test Athlete Scandal
Berlin (Relay Hurdles Sandpit). South African 800 meters runner Daisy Jockstrap has been sent for gender testing following dramatic improvements in her race times. Six months ago the 18 year old runner finished last in the youth games at Skegnes...
Read full storyPaula Abdul's New Job
Paula Abdul, former American Idol judge found a new job. In an exclusive interview with me, she said that she loved making people laugh so she is going to clown college. She told me: "I am officialy registerd in Martin Luther Clown Uneversity".
Read full storyFern's Breasts join Strictly Cum Dancing
Following the shock departure of Fern Britton's breasts from This Morning, showbiz reporter Stacky McHump confirms, that after some tense showbiz negotiations they will be appearing weekly on Strictly Cum Dancing. Fern's sumptuous baps follow a lo...
Read full storyMorse Returns to US- Iraqi Cab Drivers Fight Over Luggage at Airport!
Newark, NY/ International Flying Terrorist News - Inspector Morse concluded a whirlwind trans Atlantic Investigation that spanned 3 countries and arrived incognito at Newark International Airport early on the morning of 19 August 2009 only to be e...
Read full storyChemical Giant Introduces Harmless New "Agent O"
DETROIT - A chemical giant has unveiled their newest campaign to introduce a gentle new version of the infamous 1960's herbicide Agent Orange. Sexy Hooter's waitress Bali Banks has signed on to lead the "chemical girls" who will attend chemical...
Read full storyBrett Favre Banned From Green Bay
GREEN BAY - The city council of Green Bay, Wisconsin has just voted 6 to 0 to ban ex-Packers quarterback and now Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre from entering the Green Bay city limits. Council member Harv Hatchatubby said that there is...
Read full storyUN declare Afghan elections non-corrupt; Talaban think it's a bomb
The UN today declared the Afghan elections, wait for it, non-corrupt. This announcement has shocked the world and the Taliban think it's a bomb, and another missile on top. US and UK troops protecting the Afghan electorate are also "Dying" with la...
Read full storySenator Larry Craig To Put On The Old Toe-Tapper For Next Year's "Dancing With The Stars"
Senator Larry Craig, Senator from Idaho, says he is ready to do some fancy footwork on next year's "Dancing With The Stars". "They said anyone could enter", Craig told me. "If they'll allow me to dance with a male partner. I think we have a fair c...
Read full storyJack Nicholson Sells Los Angeles Lakers Game Ball On eBay
LOS ANGELES - Well it appears as though the nation's economic recession has now even hit some of the Hollywood celebrities. Two weeks ago Snoop Dog had to sell one of his two Lamborghini's, Paris Hilton had to sell one of her hotels, and Kirstie...
Read full storyTop Gear host to become a Quo rocker
London, Wednesday. Popular host of TV motoring programme, Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson will join UK rock group Status Quo for a number of headlining gigs at major northern England clubs located in Bradford, Huddersfield, Salford and Warrington. Clar...
Read full storyRoyal Navy WREN Arrested For Smuggling Coke
Leading Wren Latifah Ngorongoro has been arrested for smuggling coke on HMS Erythroxylon. As a result of a sting operation by the Royal Navy's Special Investigations Branch, coke with a street value of over £1 million was discovered in the destroy...
Read full storyPaul Daniels Pulls it off
Short, balding, millionaire Paul Daniels is on the run, with his son, Mr. Gary Daniels (Jnr) who is in hot water with the fuzz for running an inflatable rabbit farm in Holmfirth, with the intent of supplying his father with rabbits that would myster...
Read full storyBarney Frank attacks lost woman at health care town hall!
DARTMOUTH, MA - Rep. Barney Frank tried to be nice today at a town hall meeting, and attempted to respond to all questions, but he completely lost it when he caught sight of a woman with a nazi picket sign. "You there!!" shouted Frank. "On what p...
Read full storyHappy Birthday Jacko - See You At The Cemetery
Michael Jackson is to celebrate his 51st birthday by being buried at Forest Lawn cemetry, LA. The ceremony, sponsored by the National Society for the Protection of Children, is to be televised for an anticipated audience of 16 billion. Diana Ro...
Read full storyIPod Is New Terror Weapon
Recent reports of a spate of Ipod explosions have triggered an investigation by police and anti-terror agencies throughout Europe. The authorities fear that it is only a matter of time until the "IBomb" - a nickname for official use only - becomes...
Read full storyDrug sniffing..goes to the dogs.
Greater Manchester Police believe a strain of canine flu may be responsible for the strange behaviour reported in their drug sniffing dogs. The dogs, which are kennelled together, began showing symptoms of excessive sniffing, general lethargy, lis...
Read full storyPenile Action
(Geriatric Satisfaction) I can't get a hard erection I can't get a hard erection 'cause I try and I cry and I try and I cry I can't get no, I can't get no When I'm sittin' in my chair Hookin' up with some stupid ho She's all hot an' ready to go Waitin' for some penetration She's gonna help my ejaculation I can't get no, oh no, go ho! Hey hey hey, there's just no way I can't get...
Read full storyNeanderthals Sufferred from Earworms
Scientists at the Max Plank Institute have theorized that primitive man may have suffered from earworms. Loosely translated from the German "Ohrwurm", an earworm is a term for a portion of a song or other musical material that repeats compulsively wi...
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