Jack Nicholson Sells Los Angeles Lakers Game Ball On eBay

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

image for Jack Nicholson Sells Los Angeles Lakers Game Ball On eBay
The Lakers game ball that Jack Nicholson sold on eBay.

LOS ANGELES - Well it appears as though the nation's economic recession has now even hit some of the Hollywood celebrities.

Two weeks ago Snoop Dog had to sell one of his two Lamborghini's, Paris Hilton had to sell one of her hotels, and Kirstie Alley had to sell one of her bras.

And now comes word that the number one Los Angeles Lakers fan of all-time Jack Nicholson has just sold his coveted Lakers game ball on eBay for $2,981.

The basketball was presented to him two years ago by Lakers coach Phil Jackson and team captain Kobe Bryant. Nicholson said when he received it that he would cherish it as much as he does his three Academy Award Oscars.

When Kobe Bryant was told that Nicholson had sold the game ball that he and Jackson had given him he became extremely livid.

He reportedly turned to his wife and said that if Nicholson needed the money that bad he would have driven him to an ATM machine and given him some.

Nicholson supposedly told his next door neighbor Cuthbert Calico that he had to sell various memorabilia items in order to pay for the electric bill and the water bill which had both doubled over the summer.

Jack said that he had also placed other personal items on eBay as well. He said that he sold his original script from Easy Rider ($95), the boxer shorts he wore in Five Easy Pieces ($118), a chopstick he used in Chinatown ($12), and a pair of scissors he used in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest ($27.35).

When Bryant told Coach Jackson about Nicholson selling the game ball he became so upset he started spitting and cussing in German, Polish, and Arapaho. Jackson said that they could have had a basketball charity game to raise money for him if he really needed it that bad.

Jackson and Bryant got together and decided to buy back the basketball. The two men flew to Kalamazoo, Michigan and bought it back from the individual who had purchased it, a man named Bond, Jameson Bond.

He told them that he paid $2,981 for it but that he wanted $3,000. Kobe wrote him out a check and he and Jackson returned to California.

When they arrived back in L.A. they called up the number two Laker fan, Dyan Cannon and told her that they wanted to give her the game ball that Nicholson, the balding, slow-talking, son-of-a-bitch had sold on eBay.

Dyan was tremendously thrilled. She invited both Jackson and Bryant over to her place for an out-by-the-pool baby-back ribs barbecue.

The two accepted her offer and after the barbecue Jackson called up the Lakers owner and told him to cancel Jack Nicholson's season ticket for the coming year. He said to be sure and refund his money since he now seemed to be in a bad financial situation

When Nicholson found out he became enraged. He told Jackson that he would buy the basketball back and put it back on his master bedroom dresser.

Phil told him that the basketball was not for sale. Nicholson said that he would pay double the price. Jackson told him that he thought he was strapped for money. Nicholson said that he was but that he was pretty sure that he could get a loan from Clint (Eastwood), Manny (Ramirez), or Regis (Philbin).

Jackson rejected his offer. Nicholson then asked if he could then get his front row season ticket back. Nicholson told him that his former front row seat had already been sold to the Lakers number three fan Penny Marshall.

But Jackson told him that he could probably get him a season's ticket in the 13th row on the visitor's side.

"Bastard!" Nicholson yelled.

"Ugly, balding, slow-talking, son-of-a-bitch, Bastard!" Jackson hollered back.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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