Nick Jonas Paddling In School Brought Lawsuit
It has recently came to light why the Jonas Brothers were home-schooled after spending several early years in a regular school in Dallas, Texas. Apparently Nick Jonas, then in the second grade, was taken to the school's office and given a paddling...
Read full storyA free blow-job from Wills and Harry with every Elizabeth Double Cross gong
London - (Hitler's Daughters Mess): Grieving Afghanistan and Iraq war widows were being rewarded today with the issue of the Elizabeth Double Cross. The medal is being presented to sweeten up war-bereaved spouses along with a personal blow-job fro...
Read full storyKerry Katona on Ice - Chicago Pimp outbids Colombians for Katona's Services!
Just as the nation of Colombia thought it'd captured the services of Kerry Katona, a distant relative of Barrack Obama, a Pimp Daddy, formally known as "Omar Dimples the Third" has put in a higher counter bid for her services! Omar would only giv...
Read full storySusan Boyle's pole dancing experience not a success
Susan Boyle has had an unhappy experience in her first attempt at pole dancing. Initially persuaded to do the gig after being told by Simon Cowell that pole dancing was the Warsaw equivalent of strictly come dancing, the scottish songstress was up...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Attracted To Chaz Bono's Brand New Penis
HOLLYWOOD - A reliable source has verified that Lindsay Lohan, on-again, off-again girlfriend of Samantha Ronson is in fact now dating Chaz Bono, aka the former Chastity Bono recent recipient of SRS (sexual reassignment surgery). The unnamed sourc...
Read full storyParis Hilton Introduces Nude Pumpkin #5
A new perfume is being introduced by a company partially owned by Paris Hilton that is slightly different than most. She is calling it, Nude Pumpkin #5. Has she gone nuts? Better put, has she gone even nuttier? Nope, this is a bright gal even tho...
Read full storyU2, worst ever global "DO-GOODY" rock (well more poppy than rock!) band (OK Sting was a tosser too!), mega-flunk it!
The world's biggest multi-millionaire rock (pretty crappy too!) band and globally worst do-gooders (apart from Sting, George Michael, Elton John and the rest of pop wannabee do-gooders!) U2, have totally flunked it on their brand new world tour. B...
Read full storyDuchess of York opens her big mouth instead of opening her legs as usual!
The Duchess of York has, in a ITV documentary, told a council estate in Manchester called Northern Moore that she thinks they're a lawless, thieving, prostituting, junkie, knife/gun - wielding bunch of gang ridden scum! Residents in the community...
Read full storyMelissa and Joan Rivers Naked Layout In PlayGuy Magazine
CHICAGO - Melissa Rivers and her mother comedian Joan Rivers have just shot a seven-page nude layout that will be appearing in the September issue of PlayGuy Magazine. Melissa who is 41, said that ever since she was eliminated from Donald Trump's...
Read full storyKatona signed up by Pram Face Foods
Just one day after being sacked by chav supermarket chain Iceland, Kerry Katona has been signed up by Pram Face Foods. Pram Face is a new brand that's going to specialise in low cost ready meals and frozen foods that appeal to pram faces up and do...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 5.
Camp Gruesome Death: night. "What the hell is this?" Angie, the chick with the mightily impressive top set says as she returns to the camper. In her damp, incredibly revealing tee-shirt. "Why is there a skinned Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie hanging upside down from a rope in the doorway of our camper?" The man known as the Captain, Morse, could possibly have answered the question. But, having m...
Read full storyKerry Katona to be new "Nose of Colombia"!
Former pop star, reality star, shopping star, star Mum, Evening star and Star of Wilmslow, fat bird Kerry Katona has been sensationally revealed as the new "Nose of Colombia"! In a brilliantly timed turn of fortune, Katona has managed to find a lu...
Read full storyFrank Lampard 'slips one past the ref' as Daria Zhukova shows off baby bump
London - (ReUterus): Eat yer heart out Roman Abramovich. The little kicker gestating inside girlfriend Daria Zhukova's hatchery looks suspiciously like a bit of an own goal to some. "Or maybe even a crafty handball by Chelsea midfielder Frank La...
Read full storyX Factor - John And Edward Grimes Straight Out Of Eraserhead
They may have the backing of Louis Walsh, but Dublin twins John and Edward Grimes aroused different emotions in X Factor watching movie buffs. "They're bizarre. They look like the guy out of Eraserhead, the 1976 movie directed by David Lynch. Wher...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse To Star In "The Boy George Story"
LONDON - Amy Winehouse's talent agency has confirmed that the somewhat odd-as-hell singer will indeed be starring in the Martello Pellegrini film The Boy George Story. The 25-year-old much tattooed, much pierced, much poked Winehouse is thrilled t...
Read full storyWorld's Hottest Chilli To Be Used As A Weapon
Legendary Spoof writer Jalapenoman, usually referred to by fellow writers as the J-man today expressed consternation after learning that Indian Special Forces groups are using the world's hottest chilli as a weapon. "I thought I had the hottest ch...
Read full storyToot Toot - You're Fired - Kerry Katona Axed
Frozen food giant, Iceland today fired Kerry Katona, former Atomic Kitten from her lucrative advertising contract after she was filmed breathing through a rolled up £20 note which was lodged in her nose. It is unclear where Katona obtained the £20...
Read full storyThe Grand Canyon Legally Reverts Back To The Navaho Indians
PHOENIX - A Navaho land grant that was signed in 1889, by Navaho Chief Cow-Itch-In-The-Crotch and United States Senator Henry Q. Brandytwist has recently been found in a U-Store It facility in Cucklebur, Arizona . The document which is notarized c...
Read full storyApostrophe Apostasy: Retired Gordon Highlander declared "Vandal" in Royal Tunbridge Wells
ROYAL TUNBRIDGE WELLS (TS.com) - Stefan Gatward, a 62-year old resident of St. John's Close in Tunbridge Wells served with distiction as a solider in the Gordon Highlanders Regiment in the 1960's. He yet fights the good fight, so to speak, as he...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Stalker In Court
A 53-year-old man who has been charged with attempting to stalk Miley Cyrus is scheduled to head back to court on Tybee Island, where the teen superstar just finished shooting a movie on the Georgia coast. Mark McLoud is scheduled to appear in cou...
Read full storyKerry Katona dropped by Iceland and not Norway
Singer, TV presenter, show host, author, journalist, adverturer, explorer, professor, MENSA Queen, writer, socialite and bon-viveur Kerry Katona, who was discovered behaving badly, but sadly not with either Martin Clunes, Neil Morrissey or Lesley Ash...
Read full storyLondon Diamond Heist - DNA Places Duke of Edinburgh In The Frame
Particles so small as to be invisible to the naked eye have placed Prince Philip very firmly at the head of the suspect list in last week's £40 million Bond Street robbery. When leading underworld figures were unable to finger the firm involved in...
Read full storyMexican pig smugglers bring a smile to the face
Border officials have reported that Mexican pig smugglers are resorting to desperate measures following the world wide swine flu pandemic . With the new surveillance and security measures along the border, the smugglers are finding it increasingly d...
Read full storyGun toting 2nd Amendment supporters picket Obama during Phoenix Speech to VFW
PHOENIX, AZ - The Phoenix convention center hosting a gathering of members of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, before which President Barack Obama spoke Monday, was surrounded by pickets, some supporting the President, some opposed to the President. An...
Read full storyRumors, Lies and Distortions run Amuck!
Policy and reputation defenders for the Obama administration, truth champions of Hollywood and Fairness in the Media advocates are all at full alert after a quartet of nefarious falsehoods went viral in recent days past. Truth is under assault, shown...
Read full storyNYC artist's vinyl album of screams is big fuggin hit
NEW YORK - Remember the screaming punk singers who howled, or even screeched during parts of their heavy metal, amoral punk, and classic rock (say Joe Cocker and Janis Joplin)? LeRoy Stevens, a New York City artist and recording wizard, just release...
Read full storySchool Officials Face Prison, Public Stoning for Luncheon Prayer
PACE, FL - And it came to pass that two school administrators in Florida stood accused of contempt and faced prison time for saying grace at a school luncheon. On January 28, before the dedication of a new fieldhouse at Pace High School to be used...
Read full storyWacko Jacko Shatters World Records Posthumously
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The speculation concerning Michael Jackson's revelation shortly before his death that he hoped to be a serious contender for a new world record came to an end today when it was revealed by authorities with the Guinness Book of Wo...
Read full storyTraces of Cocaine Found in 90 Percent of US Paper Currency
WASHINGTON, D.C. - During its average life of 20 months in circulation, U.S. currency gets shuffled, touched, traded, pilfered, squandered, stolen, and farted on, often many thousands of times. It passes through convenience stores, banks, bars, brot...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 4
The teens park the camper in an open space by a lake. The storm continues unabated. Thunder rumbles ominously, and lightning bolts scar the night sky. Todd is concerned. This is nothing new. Todd is always concerned about something or other. At this point in time he is concerned because his girlfriend, Angie, who really wants to sing 'I Will Survive' by Gloria Gaynor on a karaoke machine somewh...
Read full storyGeorge Michael not arrested after 'near perfect' drive home
Amazing - These are the amazing pictures of George Michael's Ferrari arriving safely at it's destination yesterday evening. Sensational Not a single nut or bolt of the £80,000 Red GTS was damaged during the singer's 4 mile journey from the '100...
Read full storyInbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Part 3
Todd screws his eyes up to see whatever he can pick out through the driving rain, which hammers down against the windscreen. Lightning rends the night sky. Thunder rumbles. Todd drives slowly. "If I don't get the chance to sing 'I Will Survive' after all that rehearsing, I'll go fucking postal," Angie whinges. Nick grunts distractedly. He can't get the image of a pool table, a girl wit...
Read full storyPolice cite 12 for indecent exposure in St. Paul parks
ST PAUL, MN (TS.com) - Gee whiz, gay guys can't catch a break in St. Paul, Minnesota! First, a well known, and nominally well respected, politician gets his ass busted for "taking a wide stance," and propositioning an undercover cop for homosexua...
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