PHOENIX - A Navaho land grant that was signed in 1889, by Navaho Chief Cow-Itch-In-The-Crotch and United States Senator Henry Q. Brandytwist has recently been found in a U-Store It facility in Cucklebur, Arizona .
The document which is notarized clearly states that the Navaho nation will allow the American nation the right to use the Grand Canyon for a period of 120 years in whatever venue or capacity they choose, whether it be private, public, or commercial.
The proclamation article goes on to state that the rights end on August 18, 2009. And at that time if the United States government wishes to retain the rights to the Grand Canyon they may do so by paying the Navaho nation a sum of $10 billion in cash.
When President Obama was told about this Navaho Grand Canyon document which specified a payment of $10 billion the president replied, "$10 billion for the right to use the Grand Canyon?
Now let me get this straight. The Navaho folks, which probably now only number about 45 individuals or so expect me to just hand them over $10 billion in cash?"
Nooooo way! You know folks, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. I am categorically gonna go out on a limb here and state for the recorded record that I ain't paying diddly squat.
When President Obama was informed that the document was legal and that it would stand up in a court of law he replied, "I don't give a rat's a*s. I ain't paying no $10 billion to no Navahos, Arapahos, or even Harlemhos. I ain't doin' it and to quote my good friend Regis Philbin that is my final answer."
The president thought about it for a few moments and then he said, "You know what. Tell them Navahos to just repossess the damn mofoin' canyon. I am not gonna take time from my busy schedule to fool with no overgrown creek. They can get the old piece-of-sh*t and move the bitch the hell up to Canada or the hell down to Mexico.
And let me make this point perfectly clear. I want that sumbitch eyesore moved off United States property by October 15. Nobody not even the non-drinking Mormons are gonna mess with the brother here. Cause I am the 'main man' and I have been to hundreds of picnics and there ain't nobody, especially no loincloth wearing folks gonna push around this half African-American boy.
And yes, I can call myself boy because I am the one that is saying it. Now if (Joe) Biden called me boy, I would whip his white Delaware Punch cracker ass in a New York minute."
The president was so upset that one of his secret service agents had to bring him an L&M cigarette and a Bud Light Beer.
President Obama finally calmed down. He called up the Attorney General and told him to draw up the paperwork for a counter offer.
The president told Attorney General Eric Holder to offer the Navsters $7,000, half a dozen Washington Redskins jerseys, six Atlanta Braves caps, three Cleveland Indians boxer shorts, two official Kansas City Chiefs footballs, two Geronimo parachutes, three CDs by Crazy Horse (one of Neil Young's old backup bands), a Chief Rain-In-The-Face raincoat, and ten Lone Ranger and Tonto Lunchboxes.
SIDENOTE: White House Spokesperson Cal Colfax said that when the chief of the Navaho nation Chief Billy Deer Crossing received the counter offer and read it he replied, "You tell President Barracks Alabama that he can kiss my 97-year-old Navaho totem pole."