Take That And Britney Spears In Dispute Over New Album
Take That and Britney Spears, two of the music world's biggest-selling acts, are tonight embroiled in a row over a new album which both parties say is theirs. The Circus is the album in question, but both Spears and That claim ownership (some woul...
Read full storyPresident Bush To Work At The John Deere Feed & Seed Store
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President George W. Bush will be leaving the White House for good in less than two months. He was asked by Regis Philbin what he will miss the most about being President of the world's greatest nation. Bush replied, "Well, Reger...
Read full storyProfessional Wanker Loses Sight
Professional masturbator Jack Orff suffered permanent eye damage today after a marathon wanking session. The ugly computer programmer was going at it in the bedroom for over 6 hours straight in preparation for the World Wanking Championships, whic...
Read full storyTwo Bored Football Fans Playing Different Game
In Minneapolis, Minnesota last weekend while the Iowa Hawkeyes were whipping Golden Gopher tails on the football field, police officers said two Iowa fans were whipping tail of a different type by having sex in a stadium restroom. "Both games ha...
Read full storyThieves Use Big Gob Of Phlegm To Steal Ring
In Fort Lauderdale, Florida yesterday, police said a thief used a huge hocker to swipe an expensive ring off an elderly woman's hand in broad daylight. Authorities said two men bumped 81-year-old Gertrude Hagglemeire's car, then asked her to open he...
Read full storyWorld Leaders Unite Against Root Cause of Terror
Testosterone, Italy - At a hastily arranged global summit in the wake of mounting terrorist activities, world leaders today announced a unified plan of action to combat the root cause of terrorism. Barack Obama, the American President-elect, s...
Read full storyBritney appearance on UK's 'The Ex F*cked Her'
London - (Sordid Ass Mess): Britney Spears has arrived in London ahead of her appearance on the UK reality TV show 'The Ex F*cked Her'. The program is set to reveal how former squeeze Adnan Ghalib 'screwed her over' countless recording and copyrig...
Read full storyDisgruntled British cricket fans suspected of Mumbai terror plot
Mumbai - (Leg Before Wicket Mess): Disgruntled UK cricket fans may be behind the Mumbai outrage according to police reports. Since the start the November tour England have lost six consecutive matches against the India home side. This sparked r...
Read full storyMI6 investigating 'British terrorist' claims as top Tory MP busted
London - (Mumbai Ass Mess): MI6, the Security/Intelligence Service is investigating reports that a British terrorist, posing as a frontbench Tory MP, is the brains behind the Mumbai outrage. Yesterday the Conservative shadow minister for Al Qaeda...
Read full storyBlack Friday Changed To African-American Friday
Washington, D.C. - For decades the day after Thanksgiving has been the single busiest shopping day in the United States. Stores offer huge discounts on the "hottest items" and lines begin forming before the turkey gets carved. For decades this day ha...
Read full storySomali Pirates Hit Cruise Liner
A cruise liner has reported that they have been boarded by Somali pirates and that several of their passengers have been pushed into the swimming pool, had water splashed into their faces and that one fat pirate did a cannonball that nearly cleared t...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Olympics: Boris Johnson Says "Everything Now Ready"
In a speech just before bedtime last night, London Mayor, Boris Johnson, told his wife that preparations for the London 2012 Olympics had been completed, and that, if necessary, the Games could go ahead as early as "next week". Johnson was speakin...
Read full storyKaka To Swap AC Milan For Manchester City
There was great excitement at Eastlands this morning, when it became known that Kaka, the Brazilian star, had told journalists that he would "swap AC Milan for Manchester City any day!" Kaka, real name Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, was speakin...
Read full storyTerrorist Big Brother Sure To Be 'Big Hit'
After declining viewing figures of the big brother franchise, and with the spin off fiction mini series called 'Dead Set' where the occupant's house is taken over by zombies, series planners have brain stormed a new format for the next series. Due to...
Read full storyGov't acts after freak pants fire tragedy
Following the tragic death of a Maldon pensioner in a freak incontinence pants conflagration, the gov't today acted with new regulations effective immediately. Under the: Pants Incontinence Safety, Security Order Fire/Frost provisions of the 2008...
Read full storyShadow HM, Green Sentenced to Appear as Drag Queen in La Cage
Shadow PM David Cameron was furious when his shady home minister Damian Green was arrested for a leaky blather. The Tory torrent of government documents meant to embarrass Labor only got the Loyalists in loyal trouble. High Judge Realey Likesbo...
Read full storyUS Nuclear Customer, India, Threatens to Bomb America's Best Conventional Weapon Client Pakistan
The #1 world arms supplier, BushAmerica has found itself in a bit of a customer relations problem. You see, BAM has supplied both India and Pakistan with enough weaponry to destroy all of South Asia, but one client got the nukes and the other not so...
Read full storySelena Gomez: "Miley is Self-Centered and A Snob"
The Selena vs. Miley feud isn't over, folks! Selena Gomez was interviewed by US Weekly magazine about the "ongoing feud". Is there a feud between you two? It's not really a feud but we don't really consider ourselves friends. When did this all start? It started during the Hannah Montana episode where I guest starred in. I think there was a little tension between us because of our ro...
Read full storyLoan Sharks Slow to Lend; Need Government Stimulus
Vinnie "Da Bank" DaBancone has been turning clients away like mass produced pizza. In an exclusive interview Vinnie explained his plight: "Ay yoo doughn't tink I wanna lend at 20 per cento. Wadrya ubots!? If I had the dough I'd be spreadin it ar...
Read full storyStalin To Be Made Saint In Russia
The Soviet dictator, who was responsible for the deaths of around 15 million people during his 31-year reign of terror, is in second place in online voting for the Name of Russia competition. Stalin last week surrendered a narrow lead to Nicholas...
Read full storyVacation Second Homeless Don't Know Where to Turn
In the boom years lots of folks fulfilled the dream of a vacation house. In the mountains, the beach or city condo, even those of average income felt like lords and ladies of a country manor. That was until the Depression Great of 2008. One such...
Read full storyAtheists Debate Whom to Thank
Every year around this time atheists across the US experience a crisis of disbelief. Harold Nogod, a leading atheist, explains that he often feels real gratitude for all the blessings he has received in life and that it can be really tough not ha...
Read full storyOak Tree Exhibit Opens
BASIL - A new exhibit of dried leaves and acorns at Basil's museum puts 170 acorns, dried leaves and other works on display in Switzerland for the first time in six days. "Return of the leaves" is the largest acorn and dried leaf exhibit the museu...
Read full storyObama Nigerian Scam
AFRICA - Four Nigerian scam artists appeared in court over a story alleging President Barat Oblama was black. The White Daily newspaper said early this month that Oblama whose colour was subject of speculation since August was "critically black."...
Read full storyMadame Bitters Encourages Divorcee to Live Life to the Fullest
Dearest Madame Bitters, My husband, 'Terry' and I seperated in early May of this year after fourteen years of marriage and our divorce was finalized last week. While I'm relieved that Terry and I are no longer married, I was with him for a good chunk of my life and I'm just not used to being alone. I'm only 34 and I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. How can I deal? -Flummoxed in Gran...
Read full storyBarbara Bush hospitalized on news that her son, George W. Bush, will be moving back home with her after he leaves office
Washington, D.C. - Rushed to the emergency room shortly after receiving a phone call from the President of the United States, Barbara Bush, was hospitalized earlier this week and later released, her condition remains guarded, however, especially in l...
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