Cameron Craves Criminal Cops
David Cameron yesterday announced that a Tory Government would encourage Britain's police to stray to the fun side of the law by committing crimes under their own initiative before our current criminal element has the chance. Unveiling the new pol...
Read full storyEmma Watson admits to being up the Duff with Daniel Radcliffe
The actress Emma Watson has revealed that she is definitely up the Duff with former co-star Daniel Radcliffe. In a revealing mobile telephone call to the Daily Smug newspaper, Miss Watson admitted what many pundits have suspected all along. She...
Read full storyRoyal Bank of Scotland apologises to customers
Sir Ron McKlipklop, the chairman of RBS has told his shareholders that he is 'profoundly sorry for the current state of affairs of the bank'. At the banks' annual Christmas luncheon, which is held weekly in a different 5-star hotel so as not to of...
Read full storyHeather Mills Rumoured To Be Captain Of Somali Pirate Ship
The captain of the Somali pirate ship that has taken control of the Saudi supertanker, Sirius, together with its 2million barrels of crude oil, is rumoured to be none other than Heather Mills, the ex-wife of Beatle Sir Paul McCartney. Mills, who t...
Read full storyProtestor Erroneously Throws Fur at Red Paint
Employees of the Sherwin Williams company in Pennsylvania were baffled recently when a female college student threw several imitation furs at a truck carrying a shipment of red paint to an Amish country barn painting competition in Lancaster, PA.
Read full storyMcCain To Star In Slipper Ad
Failed Presidential candidate John McCain has agreed to a six figure sum to spruik a new line of casual house slippers.The television and magazine advertisements are said to feature footage of a relaxed McCain doing his favourite things about the hom...
Read full storyJesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Mickey Mouse on 'reliable' BNP membership list
U.S African-American activist, Jesse Jackson was shocked and disgusted to find he was actually an American member of the BNP. He is also in the French Girl Guides, and vomited, when he was outed, as being a fully paid-up member of the Albanian Mime...
Read full storyHugh Hefner beats out Richard Branson to purchase Irelands' loss-making airline Aer Lingus and rename it Aer Cunning-Lingus
DUBLIN-IRELAND: Faced with the threat of an imminent work strike, Ireland's national airline Aer Lingus has been sold to Playboy magazine founder and perennially-geriatric, pretend-lecher Hugh Hefner for an undisclosed sum. Hugh Hefner plans to re...
Read full storyHillary Clinton is Vladimir Putin's sibling Senate Ethics Committee hears
Washington AC/DC - (Hairy Ass Mess): The Senate public appointments standards watchdog has heard evidence that desperate Secretary of State-wannabe Hillary Clinton is Vladimir Putin's sister. The testimony emerged after NATO military intelligence...
Read full storyPope 'Joe the Plumber' Ratzinger claims 1985 'prophecy' of market collapse
Rome - (Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls Mess): Yes, folks, it's a miracle! The Vatican said today that it was Pope 'Joe the Plumber' Ratzinger who first predicted the current market collapse in 1985. The prophecy happened just after he had doshed up th...
Read full storyParis Hilton and Obama 'Sex Video'
Eerily echoing JFK's secret trysts with Marilyn Monroe, insiders say that President Elect Barack Obama has been seeing Paris Hilton. Hilton who has just announced her split with Benji Madden is remaining tight lipped about the alleged affair but s...
Read full storyDetroit's Big 3 Automakers File Bankruptcy
Meltdown, Michigan - Ford, GM and Chrysler have all filed for bankruptcy protection under Chapter 11 following their failed attempts to lobby congress for a carve-out of $25 billion from the $700 billion Wall Street bailout fund. "There's no w...
Read full storySales of Lloyds Gross Man pasta sauce sore (sic) after Oz man caught ejaculating
New South Wales - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Sales of Lloyds Gross Man pasta ejaculation sauce have soared after a New South Wales man recommended the new Puttanesca variety as an astonishing new remedy for penile dysfunction. Indecency charges d...
Read full storyCharles Brown Finally Cracks Up!
Los Angeles, California- 62-year-old Blockhead Charles "Charlie" Brown finally cracked yesterday and shot Lucy Van Pelt, a 63-year-old spinster, after she once again pulled the football away just as Brown was ready to kick it. Then Brown apparently...
Read full storyNew Tack In War On Terror
A classified report leaked from the Pentagon reveals a new level of desperation in dealing with hundreds of thousands of angry young Muslim men with no outlet for their pent up frustration but worldwide indiscriminate killing and maiming. Four S...
Read full storySenator Ted Stevens: From Senate Gray to Prison Orange?
GIRDWOOD, Alaska - Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has finally conceded defeat in his re-election bid. He has also finally admitted that he accepted $250,000 in gifts, presents, and home renovations. At first Stevens had merely brushed it off by s...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice Calls Al-Qaida's Ayman Al-Zawahiri 'Camel Droppings'
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is not at all pleased with the remarks that Al-Qaida's number two leader Ayman Al-Zawahiri made about her, Barack Obama, and Colin Powell. Al-Zawahiri called the three, 'house Negroes.' Whe...
Read full storyUFO alien abduction theory as Nazi billionaire's coffin vanishes
Carinthia - (Sieg Heil! Mess): Austrian Air Farce (sic) pilots are scouring the skies for a Nazi-busting UFO mothership after a Third Reich billionaire's corpse and coffin vanished mysteriously from his grave in Velden am Woertherse. German indus...
Read full storyTeen Queen Brenda Song and Zac Efron: A Couple!
And now for news that is probably only squeal-worth to, sensations Zac Efron and Brenda are dating. Teen queen Brenda Song reportedly dumped Joe Jonas for Efron and Efron is reportedly cheating on his HSM co-star Vanessa Hudgens. Song, 20, st...
Read full storyRocker David Cook revealed to be Ringleader of Somali Pirates
Mogadishu, Somalia - Last evening joint British and American naval ships rescued the Saudi oil tanker held by a gang of Somali pirates. The oil tanker had been over taken by pirates off the coast of Africa this week and held for high ransom. The tank...
Read full storyMayor of Blackpool becomes organ donor
Mayor of Blackpool Mr Reg Tapworth has become the first council member to join the organ donation program. He told our reporter "The NHS is always banging on about not having enough organs to go around, so I'm going to redress the balance by dona...
Read full storyColdplay's Chris Martin Quits Band to Rule the World
London, England - Lead singer for the English rock band Coldplay stunned the music industry Wednesday when he announced that the band was breaking up in 2009. There have been rumors swirling about why the band decided to split. Those rumors were...
Read full storyParis Hilton Dumps Benji Madden: "He Wasn't Hot"
Lasting longer that her usual "hook up", Benji Madden was kicked to the curb by Paris Hilton last night after an apparent argument over his first name, and his continuous wearing of that stupid black Fedora. What started as a verbal argument insid...
Read full storySergeant's marching orders
John Sergeant has quit the hit show Strictly Dancing. He told BBC bosses that he felt he was preventing people who could dance from winning. After finishing bottom in every show, only to be saved by the viewers votes each time, the ungainly hippop...
Read full storyDark matter may loom near toilet
WASHINGTON - A large clump of mysterious so-called dark matter was seen floating in a toilet, scientists said on Wednesday. Scientists think perhaps 25 percent of the dark matter is made up of shit, which responds to gravity the same way as does r...
Read full storyPantie Post
WASHINGTON - Barack Obama likes to wear satin panties from Hillary Clintons cabinet,it keeps his testicles smooth and shiny, Roddy Emanuel Obama's chief of dress said. But panties could be more important in an Obama administration than in some oth...
Read full storyAspartame Proven Safe ONLY for Rats
LONDON, England - [UPDATE1] Scientists today published a new study proving that aspartame is safe for rats. This study, which took 15 years of work by a team of 115 scientists in 20 countrys proves once and for all that aspartame is perfectly safe f...
Read full storyRandi Panda, First Unimplicit Animated Porno
Flesh peddlers have bought into the cartoon market from as far back as 1960's Fritz the Cat( Though porn film historians suggest that 1920's Steamboat Willie was rich in Freudian symbolism). Japanese Anime has depicted more XXX action than the Pl...
Read full storyParis Hilton Splits from Benji: No Mo Bestiality Fo Me
Paris Hilton, infamous bad girl to the hilt from the hotel Hiltons, inherited enough money to think she never had to suffer any consequences from her life of the richly foolish. That was until she fell in love with Hollywood former star mutt, Benji.
Read full storyJanet and Michael Jackson Have Never Been More than Emoticons
Detailed medical studies and aerial photographs have revealed that probably all of the Jackson family and definitely Michael and Janet have never been more than computer generated symbols. Once music critics and pop fanatics learned that the on...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Subscribes to Zoofcuk - the MySpace for Real Animals
Lindsay Lohan has clearly become a big game hunter ! Sources close to the newest, latest social sexsual internet refuge for true beasts have revealed that LL has listed her vitals for all the savage breasts to devour. Rhino Tenincher signed up...
Read full storyThinking About Killing Yourself for the Holidays? Call the Suicide Helpline!
To: All of My Loyal Readers/Minions Ah, the Holidays. It's the time of year when people gather with their families and gorge themselves on the flesh of animals and other fatty foods. It's the time of year when parents are hounded by their kids into buying them insanely expensive toys that will ultimately be forgotten 20 minutes after said gift is opened. It's also the time of year that t...
Read full storyWhat the Sh*t is a Zac Effron?
Apparently TheSpoof.com is now being received on alien computers which want to know more about the earthling culture. One of the most consistent messages from outer space has been the persistent question: "What the fuck is a Zac Effron?" A...
Read full storyGlobal Warming and Britney's privates
Sky News tells me that despite bitterly cold temperatures global warming is real and continues unabated. They're full of it and Al Gore is a psychotic hypocritical windbag; but I say bring it on as I turn up the thermostat a notch and pour another scotch to fend off the chill night air. The thought of a balmy summer afternoon takes over and the vision of bikini-clad women with beads of persp...
Read full storyHot, Nasty Cubicle Sex!
My Dearest Madame Bitters, I've got a real dillema that I hope you can help me with: I'm one of three department heads in a large office. I work closely with another department head, "Sue". She wants to be a lot more than co-workers, if you know what I mean. In addition to the possibility of being fired, I'm not attracted to this woman at all. Any advice? -Pursued in TX To Pursue...
Read full storyMourhino's Jockstrap Sells For 21,000 Quid At Gay Auction
A Jockstrap belonging to Former Chelsea Boss Jose Mourhino has sold for 21,000 pounds at a Gay Sports Memorabilia Auction in Chester. Bonhams Auctions sold the item to an 'unnamed bidder'. Mourhinio famously dropped his trousers and underpants...
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