GIRDWOOD, Alaska - Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has finally conceded defeat in his re-election bid.
He has also finally admitted that he accepted $250,000 in gifts, presents, and home renovations. At first Stevens had merely brushed it off by saying that he had never received a bill. Later it was just a matter of oh well what the hell, the people will forget about it all by tomorrow.
Catherine Stevens is especially upset with the way she feels that the mainstream media, including Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson, have been treating her 'Cuddlebutt.' (Her pet name for her husband).
Mrs. Stevens called up Couric and told her, "Katie there are some other things that you need to know about my husband. Teddy Stevens is responsible for sinking the Titanic. He, and not John Wilkes Booth, assassinated Abraham Lincoln. And Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, and Rain-in-the-Face did not massacre General George Armstrong Custer's 7th Cavalry at the Little Big Horn...it was my Teddy"
Couric reportedly told Catherine Stevens to shut the hell up and that her and her Teddy could both kiss her CBS ass like it was on sale.
In other news, Heather Locklear had originally been considered to play the lead in the Warner Brothers motion picture 'The Heather Locklear Story.' But at the last minute the producers decided against it because they felt that Heather was just not quite right for the part.
