Music professor says Girls Aloud and Sugarbabes are all in the mind
A respected and quite bald professor of music from King's College, Dr Lass Nightproms, has revealed today that following extensive research, he can conclusively prove that the girl groups 'Sugarbabes' and 'Girls Aloud' have just been a figment of the...
Read full storyAl Gore Films "An Inconvenient Truth Part II: UFOs Are Real"
(Philadelphia PA) Al Gore is planning a sequel to his 2006 blockbuster, An Inconvenient Truth. The new film promises to do for UFO's what his previous film did for global warming. The former Veep says flying saucers are real and very dangerous an...
Read full storyMPs 'will support cougher plans'
Ministers are winning over MPs on the controversial coughing vote to extend detention without charge to 42 days.
Read full storyTony Blair's Latest Speech In Full
'Um, haha, well, you see, giggle, OK, er, well. What I mean is, um, ya know, is, well, it's like, how can I put it, sort of, well, it's OK. I mean, look, it's, um, giggle giggle, um, er, ha ha, yes.
Read full storyChelsea appoint McCanns as joint managers
Chelsea FC announced today that Kate and Gerry McCann, parents of missing toddler Madeleine McCann, have been appointed as new joint managers of Chelsea. The surprise move has stunned the football world but the board of Chelsea FC have explained the...
Read full storyFlash Gordon
Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister, is being investigated by MI5 following allegations that he has been exposing himself throughout the corridors of the House of Commons.
Read full storyCapello Preparing To Make England Lose
England manager Fabio Capello has taken a bold step in his bid to make England even worse than when he arrived, by appointing David Beckham as captain.
Read full storyHillary's Teeth Growing
It has been revealed today that Senator Hillary Clinton's teeth are growing at an alarming rate. Speaking from New York City, her dentist, Laurence O'Livier, said: 'Yes, her molars and canines are getting longer every week, and we have photograph...
Read full storyScottish Youth Drinking Plans Criticised
Charities and politicians in Scotland have criticised British government proposals to stop underage teenagers from not drinking. Parents who don't allow their children to drink in public could be prosecuted for allowing under-14s to be regularly...
Read full storyUniversal Studios arson blamed on Tom Cruise hex
California - (Smouldering Mess): A Tom Cruise hex has been blamed for the suspected arson attack on Universal Studios.
Read full storyToday's Freeview Viewing
5pm - 'Coppers Shouting and Fighting', with John Thaw and Dennis Waterman.
Read full storyIckes Says Clinton Prospects 'Icky,' Concedes Defeat
(Washington D.C.) - In an appearance on Meet The Press today, Senator Hillary Clinton's campaign advisor Harold Ickes called the junior Senator from New York's chances of pulling out a victory in the race for the Democratic Presidential Nomin...
Read full storyPrehistoric Ape Gene discovered in Newcastle!
Scientists are excited after discovering a gene which directly links the people of Newcastle upon Tyne with prehistoric ape men.
Read full storyTurin Shroud washed
Scientists in America have revealed that they have made a big mistake.
Read full story"Brian Blessed" Tops Official New Insanity Classification
A report in respected psychiatric journal Nutters has revealed an important new benchmark in measuring mental instability.
Read full storyGinger Prince in frontline duties shock
A vicious war of words has broken out between Windass hall (formerley Buckingham Palace) press officials and the MOD over who was responsible for the leaking the details of HRH Wales latest secondment.
Read full storyKeegans Cunning Camel Campus
Newcastle Messiah, Kevin Keegan is finalising plans to have eight Egyptian camels brought to Newcastle for pre season training.
Read full storyScottish Hopes Dashed by Britains Got Talent Fix
Britains Got Talents Final was today under investigation due to revelations that the result was fixed.
Read full storyLocal Boy Made Good, Makes Bad with Foreigner
Local man Timmy Tailor overcame his drug dependence and addiction to badly-dubbed Spaghetti westerns to become a loyal and trustworthy member of the local community - that was until the day he met a foreign language student f...
Read full storyJohn Terry called up for England Team
Despite her disastrous penalty in Moscow John Terry has been picked for the England women's team.
Read full storyBeing Vladimir Putin's assistant not a proper job Queen tells Kate Middleton
London - (Republican Mess): Kate Middleton has been told to stop her arms proliferation and drug running business on behalf of Vladimir Putin's 250+ London-based spooks and get a proper job to pay for any future wedding to William. That is the Pup...
Read full storyU.S. Won't Confirm Alleged Cyber Porn Theft
WASHINGTON, DC - The US Department of Commerce has refused to comment on a report stating that Chinese officials may have secretly copied the contents of a government laptop reported to have contained some highly sensitive, top-secret pornography.
Read full storyIrish Government Ban Combined Golfing and Fishing Tourist Trips
Yesterday Irish Government Spokesperson Gerry Fiddler announced that from next month combined Golfing and Fishing Tourist Trips to the Republic where to be banned.
Read full storyBrown announces new hydrogen levy
Gordon Brown today revealed the government's plans to place a levy on Hydrogen. The abundant gas, used by millions each day is to be taxed at 40p per kilo. The levy will be back dated to roman times and current generations will be forced to pay f...
Read full storyPM is in the Brown again
Gordon Brown today stunned the UK with an announcement to increase the number of public sector jobs to 65 million before 2015. The move to ease unemployment concerns will come at the expense to the taxpayer.
Read full storyPrince William off to the Caribbean for his drugs
It was revealed today that Prince William, second in line to the throne thanks to his success in the great British tradition of forming a queue, is to lead the drug squad in the Caribbean.
Read full storyIt's official - Dewsbury in Yorkshire has an especially bad name
Residents in Dewsbury are reeling from the news that the town has a very bad name.
Read full storyFeb Wedding, May Consumnation
Circling the Madras airport twice after take-off the Beech Jet400 craft landed much to the releif of the bridesmaids, who only minutes before had sent the brides off to a quiet wedding ceremony to be performed at the Amrithaghateswara Temple near Nagapattinam. The occasion was the sasthiabdapurthy celebrations of Selvi Jayalalitha and her long standing consort, err, consentee live-in partner S...
Read full storyI want to kill a Mockingbird!
You see, unlike other birds, the mockingbird comes out at night - when I'm trying to sleep! It usually waits until I have turned my light off. As soon as I lay my head down it begins it's cacophony!...
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