England manager Fabio Capello has taken a bold step in his bid to make England even worse than when he arrived, by appointing David Beckham as captain.
Speaking in Italian, the manager said: 'Yes, none of the players can understand a word I'm saying, and haven't a clue what my instructions are. But having David back as captain should ensure defeat in the friendly against St. Nevis and Kitts.'
Beckham is an unusual footballer, as he can't tackle or pass, but scores an occasional free kick, and sometimes manages to get a cross near the goalmouth. But the idea that England need a better player to lead them was denied by former captain, John Terry.
'No, he'll be fine. All he has to do is look the part, and run around for 90 minutes, that always worked for me. Winning or losing doesn't matter, just ask Avram Grant.'
And football captains are generally sergeant-major types, tough, tall, fearless defenders, like Terry Butcher or even Roy Aitken, not sensitive shy boys, who're scared of even shouting at people.
Mr. Beckham had this to say: 'Well, er, I think I can do it, as long as Victoria lends me her tights again.'
FA Chief, Ron Farcical, added: 'We told Fabio to pick the worst man for the job - which he did. Nice one, Mr. Crapelli!'
Bobby Moore is turning in his grave, after bringing down Gert Muller in a crunching tackle, just outside the penalty box.
