A report in respected psychiatric journal Nutters has revealed an important new benchmark in measuring mental instability.
The term "Brian Blessed" can now be used to categorise those who suffer from the highest level of insanity and provides patients with swift access to medical aid and nice, comfy padded cells.
The move follows recent erratic behaviour by the popular thespian on Have I Got News For You and other high-profile television shows, during which Blessed revealed himself prone to all the classic hall-marks of a first rate window-licker.
Mental health professionals will be able to record the simple word "Blessed" in the case notes of patients who have previously been difficult to classify. It is now the most serious condition on a sliding scale of madness that starts with "excitability", and goes through "mild lunacy", "general mania", "gibbering incomprehensibility" and "stark raving bonkers".
"This is an exciting breakthrough," said renowned shrink Felix Schadenfreude. "In the past, we have been unable to commit mentally unstable patients unless their symptoms conformed with a raft of complex social and legal parameters. Now if they roar with uncontrollable laughter, slap themselves repeatedly round the face, or belittle homosexual MPs on national television we can simply diagnose a "Blessed", stick on a strait-jacket and cart them off to the loony bin immediately."
"Cuts out all the red tape," he added.
Uniquely, this is the third official classification topped by the former Battlestar Galactica veteran. "The Blessed" has been at the pinnacle of the WG Grace Facial Hair ranking system for over a decade, while online encyclopedia Wikipedia rates him just ahead of Kevin Spacey on the Panto Dame scale of ham acting.
When asked to comment, Blessed let rip with a trademark roar of "Gordon's aliiiive???" before frisking an attractive lady reporter and running off cackling like a mental, baritone hyena.
WG Grace Beardy-Weirdy Rating
- Bum Fluff
- Wispy
- Al Pacino (Carlito's Way)
- Jesus
- Father Christmas
- Brian Blessed
Panto Dame "He's Behind You!" Scale of Ham Acting
- Wooden
- Anaemic
- Am Dram
- Hearty
- Kevin Spacey
- Brian Blessed
