Scientists are excited after discovering a gene which directly links the people of Newcastle upon Tyne with prehistoric ape men.
The gene was discovered by accident at Newcastle Freeman Hospital during routine blood tests on local Tyneside tramp, George Wilberforce Reid.
George was being treated for alcoholism following his collapse in the Big Market last Summer. Georges liver has responded amazingly to treatment prompting scientists to investigate further.
Professor Nick Jennings, the country's leading expert within gene research says " the gene, named retardedape, appears to have been around in the Tyneside area forever. We have tested numerous people from Newcastle since this discovery and they all have the same retarded gene. Amazingly, when people from Tyneside reproduce with people from outside the area, the gene is destroyed but within inbred Tynesiders the gene is dominant. Its as if they are a whole new species."
The gene is the exact same gene as found in the DNA of the bodies of prehistoric men who have been perfectly preserved in frozen wastelands and boglands.
Local archaeologist, Tom Buckham, said "The people of Newcastle have often displayed signs of a race long extinct, in particular the way they stoop when they walk and their inability to concentrate for long periods. High unemployment and alcoholism in the area could be directly related to their ape gene preventing them from coping with modern lifestyles."
NASA is hopeful of being allowed to conduct experiments in the area.
