It was revealed today that Prince William, second in line to the throne thanks to his success in the great British tradition of forming a queue, is to lead the drug squad in the Caribbean.
He has taken on board with him, as special advisors, Amy Winehouse, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, all of whom can spot a Class A drug at 1000 paces. It is understood that Shane McGowan of the Pogues will be acting as special envoy for drink.
He said:
"I am thrilled to be able to serve the country by identifying drugs in the Caribbean.
"I think it is most important that socialites, people with double-barreled names and other wastrels who have up to now had to deal with the dregs of society to obtain their fix, should be able to identify a more up-market source for their social requirements.
"I'm not saying that I am perfect - on the drinks front I do like to get as wasted as the next man, and the occasional royal poke in a lady with a pretty face and an agreeable body configuration can be rather pleasant, don't you know.
"However, I feel I have a duty to the overpaid and under-talented of this country to assist them with finding as pure a source of reliable drugs as possible."
