Investment Group Banking on Canadian Cuisine
NEWARK, NJ -- Focus Restaurant Concepts are teaming with the high-powered investment group Franks, Wesley and Thompson to open what the Trenton-based restaurant group hopes will be the next hot trend in chain restaurants; Canadian Cuisine.
Read full storyMinutemen Mistakenly Hunting Extraterrestrials
DOUGLAS, AZ -- Minuteman Billy Ray Flagler has been patrolling the U.S./Mexico border for illegal aliens for nearly two years.
Read full storyIran Steals Colonel's Secret Recipe
NEW YORK -- Much of the nation and certainly most of the employees of KFC are in a state of shock after learning that Iranian spies stole the Colonel's secret recipe.
Read full storyBritney Spears Ordered to Surrender Custody of Children to Federline
A Los Angeles judge ordered Pop Princess Britney Spears to surrender custody of her children to ex-husband Kevin Federline due to "habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol." While this is not the permanent custody...
Read full storyFDA Bans Placebos
WASHINGTON, DC -- The Food and Drug Administration shocked the medical community today by announcing the banning of placebos in medical testing.
Read full storyKate Middleton more famous than Vanessa Hudgens?
California - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): "You gotta be joking!" Hollywood PR sources said today amid reports that Prince William's erstwhille girlfriend Kate Middleton is about to post her own nude photographs on the net after being relegat...
Read full storyCharles dragged into McCann drama
Clarence House - (Diabolical Mess): The Pretender to the Throne finally made it as a cameo role in the Portuguese press's dramatization of the Maddie McCann mystery today.
Read full storyPinocchio to testify at OJ Simpson trial
Lederhosen wearing, wooden boy Pinnochio is set to testify in the OJ Simpson armed robbery trial.
Read full storyMadonna lusts for Rock 'n' Roll Hole of Fame
Los Angeles, California: (Ass Mess & Reuterus): Madonna's desperate climb to Rock 'N' Roll's Hole of Fame took a step closer this week with the announcement of her nomination along with other desperate wannabes including Leon...
Read full storyFans Snub Spice Girls Reunion
The Spice Girls reunion concert in London on December 15th is in jeopardy after far fewer fans than expected applied for tickets for the show.
Read full storyHilton slams Pamela Anderson as "Rabid Scavenging Hyena"
Beverly Hills Cali-pornia - (Reuterus): A livid Paris Hilton has slammed Pamela Anderson's choice of bridegroom as 'the rabid scavengings of desperate hyena' amid news that the 40 year-old busty peroxide bombshell is set to marry...
Read full storyChimpanzee Gunned Down On Tube by Armed Response Unit
Animal activists and small children were today mourning cute little chimpanzee Jonnie who was fatally shot over the weekend.
Read full storyZion Oil woe as volcano erupts on Red Sea island
Red Sea - (Disaster Mess): Dreams of riches and glory for Texas hydrocarbons midget Zion Oil suffered yet another major blow today as the company's prospecting drills were smashed to smithereens following the eruption of the Al Tair Island volcan...
Read full storyRay Mears caught out in yet another BBC scandal
The BBC is once again embroiled in scandal. As if fiddling phone lines was not enough, license payers are being deceived yet again; this time 'Wild man' Ray Mears has been spotted eating a Big Mac and Fries, a regular diet Coke and a McFlurry...
Read full storyHellfire Club dread as Egyptian Death God appears on the Thames
River Thames, London - (ArmageddinOuttaHere Mess): The Royal and Ancient Hellfire Club of Great Britain has been thrust into turmoil today as the Egyptian death god Anubis appeared on a sailing barge up the River Thames just outside Traitor's Gat...
Read full storyRay Mears caught out in yet another BBC scandal
The BBC is once again embroiled in scandal. As if fiddling phone lines was not enough, licence payers are being deceived yet again; this time 'Wild man' Ray Mears has been spotted eating a Big Mac and Fries, a regular diet Coke and a McFlurry in a Mc...
Read full storyGiuliani Says He "Is Prettier" Than Hillary Clinton
NEW YORK (FMLiveWire) - Rudy Giuliani says he can beat Hillary Clinton since he "is far prettier than she is."...
Read full storyBrown shocks voters by calling for snap war
Sources close to gravel-voiced Scotch sexpot Gordon Brown say he is planning to completely wrong-foot his political opponents by calling for not the election which most had expected but a snap war against Burma.
Read full storyWales Defeated by Fiji in Rugby World Cup, England to Blame
Following their shock defeat to Fiji, eliminating them from the Rugby World Cup and coach Gareth Jenkins long overdue sacking, the Welsh Rugby Union has spoken to the media about the events leading u...
Read full storyGerman Bitches See Off Brazilian Belles
The munters of Germany triumphed over the beauties from Brazil in the Womens World Cup in China yesterday, putting paid to hopes of an endless stream of raunchy photographs of the winners. Photographers from all around the world had gathered in Sh...
Read full storyAlonso Planning Hamilton Crash
Fernando Alonso crashed out of the Japanese Grand Prix this weekend and admitted his chances of winning this year's driver's championship are all but over - but he still has a cunning plan.
Read full storyUN Declares Dick Cheney More Dangerous Than Osama bin Laden
Washington, D.C. Although, in the past, Osama bin Laden has generally been considered the "Most Wanted" man on the planet, a new consensus is developing that US Vice President Dick Cheney is really the most dangerous lunat...
Read full storySpoof! Writer Decides to Donate Points to Charity
US and A (Reuterus) - Philanthropist and irregular TheSpoof.com contributor 'SpaceElevator' has announced his plans to donate all of his future points to charity.
Read full storyRon Paul's Excess Campaign Donations Pay National Debt Shortfall
30 Sep 07, CLUTE, TX, USNA-- Ron Paul's presidential campaign announces its volunteers have begun paying the national debt shortfall of the United States of North America on an ongoing basis. Campaign director Jesse Benton describes the effort as...
Read full storyDemons in the Kitchen
I'll bet you grew up being told to 'eat your vegetables ... they'll help you grow." Well, forget that advice. Beelzebub has come out with the newest diet information available. In order to make it in New Hell (as Earth is now known), one will have to give up eating food because he is adding the vaginal fluids of his string of ancient concubines to all foodstuffs and water ... forget about it. He's...
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